No Longer the Excuse Maker

I thought just maybe he was the truth. Just maybe his 'sincerity' was so real. Or just maybe I wanted to love the way he made me feel. But no one wants to be miserable in any relationship, so I finally figured it out. He isn't the truth, he never was as sincere as he says and his definition of love equals pain.

It's such ashamed that I had became an excuse maker for a man whom I thought was a billion times more mature than when we dated in the high school. No, no, no... I was wrong big time. Constantly finding excuses as to why he did this or that.

I just had high hopes that his ignorance as to what it means to be a man or better yet a husband would one day change. However, it never did and I was strong enough to do what so many other women are afraid of and that is leave. Yes, I left empty handed; with only $0.47 in my checking account, one small suitcase, and three large duffel bags filled with clothes, shoes and purses. I walked away from all of the material possessions I owned (furniture, jewelry, electronics, etc).

And I haven't looked back neither. Why? Because I walked away with my dignity and the idea that I no longer have to be an excuse maker for a guy who lacks the knowledge of what it means to be a REAL man.

SOUND OFF ... Were or are you an excuse maker for guy who isn't worth the heartache you've experienced? Did you leave or are you still sticking out hoping for a change?

CRUSH

As a little girl (and I mean toddler age), I had the biggest crush on my Auntee's high school sweetheart, Kenny R. It was not a secret and everybody including Auntee knew about it. Every time he came around I would blush and sometimes try to hide. It probably made his year to know a little girl thought he was the finest thing since slice bread.

See then it was cute because I was just a child and at the time I did not fully under the meaning of what a crush was. Now that I am a woman, I know I cannot and should not go around batting my eyes at every man I find attractive. Especially, if he's in a relationship, it's disrespectful.

Well, Mother Grenade, raised and instilled into me what it means to be respectful to myself and others. Which I take very seriously. However, I cannot say the same for others ... If I found a man attractive and later learn that he is a relationship or better yet married he's no longer eye candy to me. That's just me I guess.

I know of a young woman (whose over the age of 21) who has a crush on a now married man. She has been open about it. She has had this crush on this man since her freshman year of high school. He was two grade levels ahead of her and he was taken by his now wife. A good friend of hers has warned her numerous times about how inappropriate it is to pursue interest in him because he's taken.

The mans wife heard if it and thought it was funny and a bit cute. Well, that until she found out about this young lady has secretly messaging her husband on Facebook. The wife warned the girl that she is now grown and it's no longer cute and it's time to move on because he is married. The wife even informed her husband that it's not good to entertain the young woman. It's best for everyone if he just ignore it and take it as a compliment.

Both disregarded what the wife said and continued the private messaging. Now there is a conflict in their marriage because of a crush turned secret Facebook messages. I personally do not know the details of the messages, but I do know that this is undeniably wrong.

What I'm getting to here is to show the difference between myself and that young woman. See I was a child and she is legally grown. Do you see the point that I', trying to make here? Apparently her mother did not teach her about respecting a couples relationships or better yet  marriages. But we cannot place the blame totally on her because the husband is disrespecting his wife by getting his ego stroked by another woman.

Sound Off... What are your thoughts on little girls vs. grown women having on a crush on a man in a "committed" relationship or married?

Silly

Have you ever been so deep in love with a person you know/knew was NOT worth the love you were providing? You were too naive to understand that you were being made a fool of. However, deep down in your heart you knew that you should be searching for more in a mate. Someone much closer to your standards.

Many individuals fall in love for all of the wrongs reasons. Some may know off top that the relationship isn't healthy, but will settle because they are comfortable. Others are clueless to their mates wrong doings. Women want father figures for their children and men want stability in the home but fun outside. Silly situations like this lead to stress, suicide, depression, abortions, divorces and so much more.

There come a point in every persons life where they will be a fool in love. Some will realize this more quickly than others. It can take 25 years of marriage to figure this out. Or 7 years and three children for others. But when you finally notice and understand how silly you are only then you can reflect and make the decision on moving forward or not.

Love will cause even the smartest person to become a silly fool in love.

Sound Off... Are you being silly or is he really your everything? Have you ever been in a silly situation/ relationship? If so, when did you learn that it was time to move on? Or (For others) why did you decide to stay?

Another Woman's Child

I have had this child since he was 2 months old and he is soon to turn two years old. He lights up my day and he is one of the loves of my life. But he is NOT mine and I HATE IT!

My intentions when he was still in his mothers womb was to take care of my own child on the way and someone else would have to care for him. Then I lost my child and I didn't think I was capable of caring for someone else child so I still did not want to care for him. Then I received a call from a case worker asking if I wanted to take care of him. I spoke with my husband and after a long time thinking ... we decided to get him and raise him until his mother handled her business to get him back. She never did.

Yes that is my nephew not my son. And yes, I know many reading are saying "No, Bianca. That's your son" ... but in all actuality it is not and up until a month ago I was living in fear that he would eventually be taken from me and given back to the woman who gave birth to him. Every time his case worker called my heart would get heavy thinking she was telling me that it was time to give him back.

Although I never got that call ... only someone who cared for him the way I have can be as scared as I was. That little boy filled a hole in me that I thought would never be filled and I have done everything I could to make sure that he was in a safe environment and well taken care of.

Getting up in the middle of the night to make his bottles, teaching him to hold them, holding him when he cries and when he's going through withdrawals, kissing his toe when he stubs it and his head when he bumps it, teaching him to crawl, hearing his first words, crying with him after his shots, falling to sleep cuddled up together, teaching him to crawl then walk, showing him that touching the sockets are not good, watching him all night his first night sleeping in his "big boy" bed, getting his kisses everyday and his  hugs every night, taking up for him when I know he did something wrong, nearly crying at him saying his colors ... and having a tad bit of heart break when I'm brought back to reality his first time calling me "TT".

The name "TT" depicts the person I am SUPPOSED to be in his life ... the one who gets him on weekends and send him back home. Buys him something for his birthday and Christmas. Instead I am his only Mother FIGURE and I recognize that later in life ... I will be proud of raising another woman's child because EMOTIONALLY ... he is MINE.

NEVER LETTING GO

I was listening to Pandora radio a few minutes ago and Faith Evans song Never Let You Go came on. Whew!

I would like to say that it's a true definition of the feelings you have when you know you have met the person you can't live without. Through the dirty socks, crumbs in the bed, not sweeping the trash into the dustpan, never refilling the ice tray, drinking the last drop of kool-aid, taking the last piece of chicken, losing the remote control, leaving their shoes in the hallway for anyone to trip, washing the dishes and leaving the dirty pots and pans, not spraying the Shout on their dirty shirts, losing the debit card when rent is due, doing so much over time you never see them, never wanted to fix their side of the bed, cleaning only their side of the room YOU STILL LOVE THEM.

Check out the video!

The Big Debate

There is excitement when it comes to getting engaged, setting a date, wedding planning, and becoming one with your significant other. Every exciting thought come to your mind when thinking about spending the rest of your life with someone you love. Then you are slapped in the face with whether or not you will change your last name. One part of you feel its best to keep your maiden name. It is a name you love already, it plays a big part in your career and all of your college degrees have your maiden name printed on them. On the other hand, your fiance is pressuring you to change your name. He would like for his entire family to carry the same name, which is his name.

Although, there is still time to think about changing your last name or not you find yourself debating amongst yourself. Going the traditional route is common, however, its a new day in age. Newly married women are keeping their maiden names these days. Men are accepting the idea and compromising when its comes to the idea of hyphening.



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Before I was even engaged me and my husband talked about if I would change my name. I had this big thing about how I do not want to change my name because I have accomplished so much and it all has my maiden name on it. I mean you can even Google me! He threw a fit about how he want me to take on his last name because that's what a wife is supposed to do. I was of course taking aback by the "wife supposed to do" comment and was happy I hadn't gotten engaged because the situation would have been even bigger. After getting engaged I started to really think about changing my name. I was pregnant with my daughter and had custody of my nephew and there was no doubt that her name would be like her fathers. I even went through the fact that his last name wasn't unique. I mean it's rate #4 on the Most Common Last Names in America. My maiden name wasn't even listed! I used that and it failed. Now I'm married and I have yet to change my last name legally and it's not because I don't want his last name but I want it hyphenated ... and this time I have a real reason.

I can admit ... initially I did not want to take his last name because I was known by my own and I was being selfish until I received a definite answer that my nephew would soon become my own and instantly I thought about how I grew up and we had shirts and hats with our last names on them and Big Sister Grenade last name was different but she still wore the shirts. She never seemed to mind but I always thought about if I was in her shoes that I would be a bit frustrated. I never want my nephew to have to even think about it and it become an issue. I want him to know that he is not the only one with the last name he has ... his aunt is still wearing it as well.

Changing my last name is huge for me and my family and I don't want to make the wrong decision and never would I want my nephew to feel out of place. Hyphenating my last name seems like the option since I think on both sides of the fence. It should satisfy my Husband and cause less confusion for my nephew whom I am raising as a son. I have yet to go over this with my husband ... so you all ... PRAY FOR ME. lol

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In the beginning I too did not want to change my last name. I am honestly comfortable with my maiden name. It is a part of who I am. Then, I, myself, decided to go the traditional route and just change my last name. BUT ... things did not go as planned. Traveling, successful accomplishments, etc. has cause me to keep my maiden name. In the near future I will be changing my last name. I am now completely comfortable with doing so.

SOUND OFF ... Tell us how do you feel about changing you identify (last name)? Is/ was it a topic for discussion between you and your mate? What was the final outcome? 

Married, but I'm Still Alone

Happy Memorials Day All! The other day I participated in a four hour phone conversation with a good friend of mine from college. We reflected, as usual, on the great times we had during our undergraduate years. Realizing how much fun we had prior to settling down and moving forward with our lives. She explained to me how she thought marriage was going to be much more than what she is experiencing now. I agreed with her and we continued to encourage one another because we are both learning that marriage is not easy at all. One thing that we both have in common is that our mates lack spending quality time with us.

Prior to the newly found married life everything seemed to be going great. We did a lot outside of the home. Always on the go enjoying yourselves every chance we got. Well all of that ended once we said 'I do'. It seems like I had to pencil in a request just for a hour of his time. I did this for months and even found myself complaining and later nagging about it. The PS3 is first in life, spending hours in the studio is second and me, I'm third on the list. (If we were in Chicago I will probably be fourth. However, I will never allow myself to be in that predicament.)


While everything else was taking up his time, I had to learn how to enjoy being by myself. Which was pretty tough. Unlike him I grew up with siblings and always had extended family and friends to occupy my time with. I have never felt as lonely as I have being married compared to when I was single. The most enjoyment I get out of life is watching lifetime and spending hours on the phone chatting with my family.

For a while I thought maybe, just maybe, its me over reacting or expecting too much. Silly me to have second guess my worth. I prayed and promised myself to continue to always and forever put myself first no matter what (or who). That is what I am currently doing. I have found employment and applying for graduate school. No need for me to be sitting around feeling lonely. Its his lost, not mine.

SOUND OFF ... Have any of you experience this in your marriage? If so, how did you handle it?

Married With Children

By me and my husband being raised a few miles away from each other we were raised in different ways.



I was raised with my two older siblings and little brother, sheltered with sort of a strict schedule. Dance practice, school, homework, boys and girls  club, karate class, dinner, sleep ... repeat. I was picked up and dropped off. Only allowed to go into someone else home with my parents permission, could not leave off the block unless I was accompanied by an adult, and was rarely left with someone who was not a family member of some sort. On weekends time was spent at my grandmothers house or with a friendship club Mother Grenade created.



My husband was raised as the baby of his family with his three older siblings whose mother worked nights and raised them to be more independent. His schedule consisted of school, homework, then playing outside with his friends, dinner, sleep ... repeat. He was able to go off his block and to the store on his own and was often sent by his mother, he was allowed in other people home and often his mother thought he was one place and he would be in another. He took public transportation on his own and walked to school on his own.



Though only a few miles apart our lives were completely different the only thing that was the same was the neighborhoods we lived on everyone knew everyone however our parents still had different ways of acknowledging that.


Now that we are both married we have two children that we are raising and often there is alot of conflict in regards to what our children will be allowed to do when they become older. Will they be allowed to walk a few blocks to school, can they go to the store on their own, will they be in organized sports, how will we handle punishments all the way to who will have permission to date and at what age.

We both instantly went to how we grew up and saw parts we disliked and liked. Some parts of how we would raise our children were so different and neither of us was willing to budge. We both came to the conclusion that WE were not our PARENTS. We have the chance to do how we please with our children and hope that it will be a great turn out like we believe we were.

As different as we were raised ... we have the same values and that is the number one thing that we both agree on with our children. Humble themselves and work hard for the things they want in their future. Take responsibility for your own actions and always remember that no matter what you are family.

Readers, what do you think about being married with children??? How would you or have you handled it???

I Didn't Make the Profile Picture

For those of you that know me know I enjoy celebrating my birthday. I believe it is the best gift God could give me every year. This year I reached a milestone; 25 years of life on this earth. I wanted to go Chicago to celebrate, but ... I received many phone calls about where the party will be and to my dismay I had to pass on the bad news that I decided to stay in California. As many were appalled by my decide to not celebrate on this joyous occasion, I promised that we will have a just because get together once I get back to the Chi.

On my special day I received breakfast in bed and a red velvet cheesecake from the Cheese Cake Factory. I felt special. I was getting numerous phone calls, text, emails, and comments on my families FB pages. I felt the love big time. Then, I access his FB page and noticed that he didn't even show me any love. No status, nor, profile picture.

Its no secret that I'm with the world's most selfish man. But I thought at least I would have received some FB love on my special day. It wasn't until I questioned it that a status immediately went up. I understand that I no longer have a FB page, but I am well kept up to date with whats happening through friends and family. My thing was other people he care for makes his profile, but on my special day I was even a thought.

Mess up right? I know, but oh well you live and you learn. And I'm still doing both.

Back To Me Again

At the beginning of this month I was excited to about our month long theme, 'The Marriage Chronicles'. Well it was going smoothly and I had so much to write about; both positive and negative, then some terrible situations occur and I decide to quit. Yes, I wanted to quit blogging period. I didn't want to air out any dirty laundry, nor defame any one's character (no more than what it may be now) and risk future lawsuits.

On this past Sunday I had an epiphany. I will keep the details to myself, but as my sister and I had decide we can care less about what others think. Our readers miss us and have been yearning for more of The Sister Grenades. Starting today we are back in full effect. You may not get a post five days of the week due to our busy schedules, but you can expect to read something every week.

Thank you, all, for your support and dedication.

I'm Re-Training My Husband

The funniest statement I ever heard a woman in her 50's tell was "I raised my husband and both of my kids, now it's time to do me." When I heard that statement I laughed so hard. It was actually my first time hearing something like that. I thought once a man asked a woman to marry him, he would portray and act as an adult. Yeah, well, I am personally finding out that that is not true.

I am currently teaching my husband everything his mother did not, may have forgot to do, and revising a few things she mislead him on or about. I fault his mother because I witness her brag before a table of approximately ten to fifteen woman on how she encouraged her son to over-spend on material items. Teaching a child to have caviar taste with fishstick money is inappropriate. No, I do not have any children as of yet, but I do believe parents should be realistic about life.

Here is an idea of some of things I had to show him:

• Dirty socks goes into the laundry hamper not under the couch or bed, please do not stick them between, nor, under the couch cushions.
• After washing dishes please dry up all the pools of water your created while doing so.
• Everytime the garbage gets full take it out; I shouldn't have to ask or sometimes tell you repeatly to do so.
• Everytime you get paid, you do not need to go out and buy a new outfit and shoes to match. You already have enough.
• Please do not eat in bed. I already have to sweep up the crumbs behind you in the dining room.
• When doing laundry whites and reds should not be washed together.
• Clean the piss up off the floor after using the bathroom. Please and thank you!!!

Yes, he is an adult age wise, but sometimes I think he believes he's still in high school and other times he's much younger. I am analyzing my situation and believe I have a few more years of teaching to do. In the beginning it was tough, well, hell some days it still is. By the time we're in our thirties I will be able to pat myself on the back and say "job well done" (hopefully) ... lol. Pray for me y'all. Seriously, I really need it. I guess re-training him is preparing me when the time comes to begin rearing our children.

Ladies before saying 'I do', I advise you to do some research on your mates spending habits. Ask questions, especially referencing savings. Go around his family (suck it up even if you do not get along with them) they will tell you everything.

SOUND OFF ... Are you or did you have to raise or re-train your husband/spouse? If so, was it a tedious journey? I would love you hear your story.

My Husband Is Leaving Me

The other day I called off work because I had an erie feeling about something and just could not pinpoint what it could possibly be. I sat in the family room after making myself a small breakfast and the doorbell rings. I answered and there was a gentlemen asking if I was so and so. I replied back yes and he handed me over some papers and stated, "you are being served". Shocked! Yes I was. I was unsure of what it could possibly be for. I hesitated on opening the letter. I thought maybe it's a supenae from a case I worked on in the past. But how could they have my home address.

After about five minutes I finally opened the envelope and damn I could not believe my eyes. It was a divorce summons from our attorney. I just didn't understand why my husband would want to divorce me. He was just lying in bed with me approximately two hours ago. Last night we made love. We recently stop using contraceptives to started planning our family. What could have happened to cause this I asked myself. I guess this is why I had that Erie feeling when I woke up.

After a hour of being in shock. I contacted my husband at his place of work. I started the conversation off nicely and then instantly explained to him what had happened. He told me he didn't know how to tell me. I was trying to keep my cool while he spoke, but I couldn't.

I asked a lot of questions. What did I do wrong? Was it another woman? Was I not the a great mother figure to his daughter? His reply was no none of these are issues. So what could it be? He told me it was something I said a few weeks back about his mother. I was like what, what are you talking about? He said I called his mother a whore and because of that he doesn't want to have anything to do with me.

Really this bastard is putting what I said about his mother over seven years of marriage. To be perfectly honest his mother and I have never gotten along. She's really fake. She tells me one thing when I'm by myself and another when my husband is around.

But to take you back to the conversation we had that is causing him to divorce me. Years ago he told me he doesn't know his father. So a few weeks ago I asked if he can have talk with his mother to see if she can tell him more about their family medical history. We were planning for a children and these are things we need to know. He also need to try and figure out who is his father and how can we find him.

During the conversation he told me there is a possibility that one man his mom used to bring home could be his daddy. He went on about all the different guys she dated and I ask one question. How did you feel seeing various men come in and out your mothers bedroom? He was honest and explained how it hurt him dearly to grow up around that type of environment. I said damn your mom is a promiscuous being. He did take offense to that, but I figured he had gotten over it by the next day. I guess I was wrong.

I want to save my marriage, I am unsure if I can do so. I love my husband, but I don't think our relationship will survive after this. Something I said about another woman, who just so happens to be his mother is about to destroy twelve years of us. All I can do is pray and place this in Gods hand.




Whew okay let's SOUND OFF! ... Ladies how would you react to this crazy situation? Fellas would you have allowed something so small to destroy your marriage? I personally think she will be better off then having to walk on pins and needles to be sure nothing negative is said about his mother.

Compromise

All relationships should possess some form of compromise, whether you're married or not. It is more common in marriages for some individuals to put some (if not all) of their life goals on hold to support their mate. Going back to school, promotions in the work place, getting laid off, and relocating are just a few examples of why some mates may need to hold off on achieving their own goals or dreams. It does not sound easy and in reality it is not, but in actuality this happens far more often than we may know.

I know this personally for myself. My sweetheart is currently serving in the United States military. I am supporting him as he protect and fight for our country and have place some of my goals on hold temporarily.

Compromise is not only used with the few issues stated above. It is also needed in marriages when there are children outside of the relationship are involved. And a thousand other reasons; some may be minuscule and others are more significant. Regardless, having a middle ground can accommodate some difference. Some are left with resentment because they agreed upon something they honestly do not consort with.

I've discovered a few great ways to compromise in a relationship that is going to last until the end of time. ;-) Maybe these can assist you and your relationship.

1. Communication is the key to success. Be verbally open about how you feel about the situation. Do not hold anything in, you will eventually exploded if you do. 
2. Jot down a few pros and cons of the situation. See if both will benefit from it before making a final decision.
3. Set aside your personal attitude, biases and place yourself in your mates shoes. Ask yourself are you disagreeing out of spite? Or are you being selfish?
4. And lastly give it a try. "Nothing beats a try, but a failure." 

 SOUND OFF ... How do you and your spouse reach a compromise? Do you really compromise or are you sacrificing instead?

'Til the End of Time

This past Saturday I went to see Prince in concert over in Inglewood, CA. OMG!, I had the time of my life at his concert. Although, we only got to see the last hour or so of the show it felt as if we were there the entire four hours of his performance. My favorite song besides Purple Rain is Adore and, yes, Prince performed them both back to back. That really made my night!

Prince sang these lyrics, "Until the end of time I'll be there for you..." It reminded me of the deal that's made after you say 'I do'. Marriage is supposed to be until the end of time. Right? Some may ask what is the end of time? I must be honest I once was curious as well as to what it mean. Under the Christianity background it means until death do us part. However, many others have a different definition to as to what the end of time mean. A lot of relationships have been exhausted for a number of reasons including: domestic abuse, adultery/ infidelity, and lack of trust.

Growing up I observed many relationships, most of them were married couples and others may have been long term without the ring or short temporary ones. Only three were successful; two of the three suffered the lost of the beloved husbands and one is still going strong. That couple just so happen to be my parents. They been together since I was three months old and I will be 25 two weeks from this upcoming Sunday. The other two are my grandparents. Although, my grandmothers suffered such great losses they showed me that couples can survive until the end of time. Through it all they fought for their relationship and stuck it out, even when times were rough. My grandparents have shown me that I too can survive my relationship until the end of time.

In my relationship very often my sweetheart tell me how much he admire the relationship my parents have. Although, he does not know their story, he believes that they are the perfect example of how a marriage can and should be. I, too, can say the same thing. I am one out of a very few that can say my parents are STILL TOGETHER. They are also showing me and many others who may look up to them that can adore their mate and live by Prince's lyrics.

Many times you may want to give up, but I believe until God provides you some sign there is no need to leave. All you have to do is be silent and listen to what he has to say. Work it out! As my mommy would say "research the marriage vows you took before you decide to up and leave." When you stood before God and man you vowed "until the end of time, I give you my heart, I give my mind, I give my body, I give you my time." Through sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer I will be there until the end of time.

I'd Rather Go Blind

Have you ever been in love so strong you felt as if you had the Etta James syndrome? You know that love that makes you put Etta's tune on repeat. Singing from the bottom of your lungs how "you rather be blind, then to see him walk away from you." Now that's some strong love to have for any human being. It's like an inability to lose the man that you hold close to your heart. This type of love is hard to mask. You hear about woman throughout the world doing some outrageous things after or prior to a man leaving them. Most recently a woman drove her car in the ocean (not sure if it was a river) and drown herself and four of her five children. That just goes to show love can hurt, harm, and even kill.

When it comes to men, rather he's yours or if you're borrowing (we do not condone this) you have to be very careful loving them. Especially when you borrowing or should I say sharing with someone else. Now do not get me wrong there are some men out here that will love you back ten times more than you may love yourself. Love will slap you in the face when you least expect it to. However, its a great feeling to be in love. And its even better when you can listen to Etta and the likes of others and say they wrote that song about you and your man.

I'll be the first to admit that I have that Etta James syndrome. I don't want my man to ever walk away from me. What about you? Can you say the same thing as Sister Grenade?

Etta James

Beyonce' Version

Be sure to check out the Sister Grenades month long theme 'Marriage Chronicles'. There will be a lot of must reads and a few guest contributors. 

'The Trend'

What's up with the "new trend"? I'm talking about men wanting to become females and the chicks acting like studs. It is not exactly a new trends. It has been around for generations. It's even talked about in the Bible. I called it the "new trend" because so many people are joining in. Now before I go any further I would like to say that we, the Sister Grenades, do not hold any hard feelings against individuals and their sexual preferences. It is not our duty to judge anyone about their life, lifestyle, nor, any other ways of living. Now that we've taken care of that lets get back to the issue at hand.

I hear many of you say that you were born that way. I almost believed Sigmund Freud's theory of female babies penis envy and male babies vagina envy could be the cause of people being born gay or lesbian. But then I later disregarded that thought and understood that it was his theory on why babies are attached to their parent of the opposite sex. If you were "born that way" why not be true yourself from day one?. Don't try being who your parents want you to be. I overheard a woman venting to another about how she would prefer for her daughter to be a whore rather than a lesbian. Those are hard words to swallow, but parents must realize that they cannot control their children, nor, their decisions. Just remember that you cannot hide in the closet forever. Everyone including your parents and other family members will pick up on you and your new trend.

Ladies, why wait until you've birthed seven kids by six different men to decide that another woman is what you desire? You know some of you are out here crushing your babies daddy(ies) hearts by leaving him for another woman. Some men will not be open about how they feel, but they are very resentful. However, their are men out there whose turned on about the idea of two woman dating. Is this the reason for joining in on the new trend? Or did you join in because your were being true to yourself? Or did you feel as if all men are dogs or that all the good men are taken?

According to an article posted in the L.A. Times, "there is an emerging generation of openly gay and lesbian athletes on high school and college campuses across the country…" In many high schools and most colleges females are mainly recruited by the studs or girls basketball team. Guys, on the other hand, have already adapted into the new trend long before entering high school. Ladies just because you play in a certain sport does not mean you have to become hard or join in on the new trend.  

So many of my peers and associates have told me stories about them experimenting with someone of the same sex. I was puzzled when by two of them because all they spoke about was men and how much they loved the 'D'. Years later those two are full fledged lesbians and are proud of it. I am still cool with them till this day. I just say hey I am happy for you being true to yourself. I have no problems with their lifestyles, nor who floats their boats the best.  

If you are going to be true to yourself, then do not double dip. Leave the down-low living to the birds and be open and honest. You cannot have your cake and eat it too. You have to choose one; either man or woman, not both. You will destroy lives and families by continuing to do so.

FB DRAMA REVEALED: FB A PLACE WHERE YOU REINVENT YOURSELF

FACEBOOK

"Facebook is a social utility that connects people with friends and others who work, study and live around them."

Facebook User "FB superheroes are something else, what do they use their mouths for? Cause obviously they plant their face in the ground and talk out their ass... Stop pump faking, we all know you. Maybe I should invest in a notepad and create my life, ok here we go.... I just got off the Jet from playing cricket with Donald trump and we ate cucumber sandwiches..."

Since when has this social utility become a place for you to reinvent yourself? Many individuals that occupy the site are not who they portray themselves to be. People are supposed to use their REAL identities.

Rocking gucci purses and heels but you still reside in substidize housing. Or better yet you're still renting.

You were considered a lame in high school but seem to be famous on the book.

Your family hate each other off the internet but your best buds on FB to make sure the enemies don't catch you slipping.

You checking FB Places every chance you get to see if your man and his ex/baby momma were in the same place at the same time.

Your posting stats up about how you will whoop somebody ass knowing if they were in front of your gate you wouldn't come off the porch.

You get into some FB drama and your calling your friends so they can go comment and back you up.

Your child is four and has not started school but your constantly posting how smart they are.

You're posting stats that you know will cause controversy and then claiming it was someone else (who doesn't have a page?).

You post pictures of how much stuff your kids got for Christmas with prices as captions ... but the tree is in someone else living room.

You claim to be getting straight A's and maybe a B on your report card but you cannot properly spelled report "Repurt" and straight "strate".

Your mad with your man and put up stat after stat informing FB of every problem yall have ever had then the next day you have mall pictures up talking about how he's the only one.

You know your man is cheating and so does everyone else but you are "The Mrs" or the "One and Only" or "The Real Wifey" with no ring.

Everything is going bad around you and you are in your most vulnerable state but your "All Smiles."

You ranked 299 in your high school class of 298 but you're convinced that the three years of non credit courses in college are going to get you to graduation in the right year.

You're constantly posting photos of you in you college bathroom all dressed up to go out but your on academic probation.

You're mom was your enemy before she got on FB and now she is the best person on Earth.

You and you baby-daddy are having drama and you talking about how you regret ever having his child but at the end of your stat it reads ** (Insert Child Name here) is my everything**

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The point is that there is no reason that all of these things are clearly evident on FB. There is no reason we are able see your real self and the person you pretend to be in one photo or in one status to know that you are using Facebook to Re-invent who you really are and who you are known as.

Readers if you're guilty of any of the above ... ask your self Why? Then understand that if you are a bad parent in any stance it will come out ... If you are cheating it will come out ... If you are stunting it will come out. And Guess what ... The first place it will come out is the one place you tried to hide it from the most ... FACEBOOK!

Dear Sister Grenade: SHOULD I LEAVE

Dear Sister Grenades,

I have a problem! I have been dating my boyfriend for over 3 yrs. now. Lately, I have been noticing an increase in communication amongst him and his ex. There are no kids involved and when we got together he made it clear that they are no longer. Theres no communication whatever so ever. However, the past four months seems to be a contradiction of what he told me over three years ago. I don't know maybe there has been communication and he has been hiding it or what not. I brought it to his attention and he told me I was tripping and to mind my damn business. If he loves me why would he speak to me in that way. I'm at my breaking point and so ready to leave, but me loving him is holding me back.  I need some advice.

Signed,

Should I Leave

Dear Should I Leave,

First off thank you for writing us. Secondly, there seems to be few missing pieces to this puzzle. You said you been noticing an increase in communication with your boyfriend and his ex. What happened? Did you go searching for something? Did you hear a phone conversation or see a text message? What did you say when you brought it to his attention? 

If something such as this is a factor then he should have sat and spoke with you about it. After three long years there really should not be any problems with discussing an issue that you have with him secretly talking to his ex. Let me be the one to inform you that LOVE is blind. If he loves you than no he should not have said mind your own damn business. Apparently he is guilty of something. I would say try a different approach this time around to address the issue. You can start off by saying "can we talk..."(you can finish the statement if he agrees to talk.) If it doesn't work out then you have to do whats best for you. You can always stick around and continue to feel the way you do or you can move on with your life and find someone who will not lie and hide things from you. There is plenty of fish in the sea. Please write us back with an update.

SOUND OFF... Readers what advice can you offer this young ladies?

Do You Know His Social Security Number???

I've come across a great deal of females who believe it's okay to drop their panties without protection. Failing to realize the realities of life; babies and sexually transmitted infections. When it comes to the baby situation many of the females do not know anything more than the guys nickname. Once the baby is born the chick has an opportunity to apply government assistance to keep both healthy, but they (DHS) ask for the fathers information. And what do they know? Nothing, just his nickname or sometimes the first, but not his last name.

Girls will make sure they know his whole family and where everyone lives ... even the same information about the girl he's messing around with. But the title is about his SSN .... you will be lucky to find a girl who know the guy real name!

Let me be honest, never did I know the importance of a SSN until I learned my own and started applying for jobs and college. Soon as I noticed the importance I learned that it's the most public, but secret thing every person has. If a man released this information to you then you knew he trusted you! You knew that you were in a real relationship.

With that being said, if you know his SSN but it's because you took a sneak peak of the card while going threw his wallet and saved the number in your phone or you wrote it on a piece of paper when he left a job application sitting on the computer stand WHAT DOES THAT SAY ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP?

I knew my husbands SSN by the beginning of our third year ... it wasn't because he didn't want to tell me it was because I had never asked. When I'd asked he provided the information as if it was his phone number and I learned the importance of having this information from filling out personal information for him or providing the number to doctors and seeing the look on people faces because we were young and many had expressed that it was rare that the girl didn't have to call the guy for the number to provide the information later.

All in all it is utterly important to obtain his social security number whether you are married or the mother of his child(ren). It will benefit you more than you know. Now we are not saying ask for it and then open up credit cards or put a car or two in his name. That's not utilizing it wisely. We're telling you to be smart about it and do the right thing.

SOUND OFF... So do you know your man social security number? How did you go about obtaining?

Shut-Up Bitch!

GOSSIP [gos-uh p] (noun):

Idle talk or rumour, especially about the personal or private affairs of others.

It's no secret we all do it, may have done it, or use to spread gossip. Gossiping is like an itch that must be scratched. In some cases the itch is scratched so much that it creates a sore.

Gossip is sometimes the basis of a friendship. A relationship that's built off gossip is one that needs gossip to survive. Not to mention that relationship ends the way it was started.

For my department at work I am the last to get in ... so when I come in to work on a day that was eventful before I made it in I am instantly bombarded with seven to ten different stories about the same event. They come in all forms; e-mails, instant messaging, coming to my desk, or even walking up to me while I'm grabbing water from the machine. I always wondered why I was the one to get all the different stories so I asked. I was told:

"The rumor mill stops with you. We can tell you what happened and give you our thoughts and we will never hear of it again."

I was shocked but I quickly got over it because my family describes me as the person that don't think much information given to me is worth repeating or could be considered gossip. Then again, anytime people are defaming one another while attempting to save or cover their own ass I ignore it so much to where I can barely remember until someone tries to recap the story.

I recently made the decision that when someone I know is known for gossiping comes to me with information about someone else. I will easily tell them "Damn, Shut Up Bitch"! Now some of you may want to take the time to brace yourself for the next time you attempt to tell someone elses business to me. No matter what our stand on relationship is you WILL be told the title of this post.

There is a difference between telling someone you don't want to hear something which is what I may normally say but they seem to counter my want with what they would like to call my "need" to hear them bitch and complain and put there two cents in on someone elses situation. So I find the Shut Up Bitch more appropriate. It instantly shuts them up, makes them turn away, and gives them an inkling that I don't care to hear anything else they believe is a "need" for me to hear.

To our readers, go ahead and adapt the S.U.B method and watch as the conversations around you change. Now this is for the most holy and most sinful rephrase it however you would like just make sure you get the message across.

And to those of you who will take this post and negatively run with it I will like to extend a special SHUT UP BITCH to you.

"If the duck would have kept its mouth closed, then it would not have ended up on the hunter's dinner table."

Have a Baby By Me, Baby and Get on Welfare

We all know someone that's a groupie. They will never admit it, but its definitely the truth. You know the chick that makes it her business to hit up All-Star Weekend every year in all hopes of smashing, oops ... I mean meeting that one Ball Player. She can barely afford to pay her rent, but she somehow can scrape up enough money every year for this one trip. Secretly toting around a turkey baser in her purse as a come up. To her amazement she gets lucky ...

She finally gets popped off, but dude denies the baby. Later paternity test proves that he is indeed the father and bang she feels that she has came up. Later realizing the agony of only receiving $1000 a month doesn't cover the cost of diapers, food, the weekly trips to the nail shop, and hitting up Bloomingdale's so her child can outshine the other kids. 

Or do you know that chick from high school who dated the star ball player with high hopes of him making it to the league. She figured it will be her come up to make it out the projects. Although, he was openly cheating on her with the chick from her circle she still managed to get pregnant by him. Well things did not go as planned because he isn't as good as Lebron and could barely make it out of Junior College.

However, most of the ladies are not as fortunate as others and have to settle for the Hood Rich, dope boy. You know the one with the fancy car, still living in his grandmother basement, who already have four baby mommas (but you want to add to the list), yeah him...

On any given day you can walk into each one of their cribs and find stacks of letter from the department of human services.

"I'm tired of gold digging B**ches getting pregnant on purpose"-Kanye West 

Aren't we all, but remember Kanye, you also said "I aint saying she a gold digga, but she aint messing with a broke ni**a."

Rapper 50 Cent encouraged the female population to have a baby by him and become a millionaire. The media portrayed many other rich moguls repeating the lyrics therefore enlightening a situation that sometimes can bankrupt a rich man.

But as I pay attention to these shows on television glamorizing the lives of ex's/divorcee's and baby mommas I see that they are often riding with someone else. Their cars have rental plates, some are never paying for their meals and all of them are out looking for another rich man to attempt to suck dry.

When in actuality they have bleed dry their men, played the independent role, or they were getting the funds for having a child by a man with money and initially they were living the good life and all to often the man was able to prove to courts that all the money they were shelling out to these women was not being spent on their child(ren) and now they are allowed to give the bare minimum and the rest either goes into a college fund or it doesn't go to anything at all ... he gets to keep it.

Now you're getting a measly $1,000 a month and that's not enough to cover rent, car payments on that new Infinity truck, and other bills so you are subject to resulting back to what you were used to before your struck gold. Welfare.

All we can say is that we hope that you are able to cope and get back to normal. Learn from your mistakes. And move on hopefully supporting yourself now and attempting to find a man that you want to be with for more than a get rich quick scheme.

WELFARE

Food stamps now Link Card, SNAP benefits, SSI Checks, Medical Cards, Section 8 ... and plenty more ... means WELFARE.

Lets take a look at each one.

Link Cards:
Qualifying individuals receive $200 in Link for every member of their household who is either underage or incapable of working for whatever circumstance. This is often abused by many because they receive all these funds in link and it's often spent on junk food or sold for cash ($60 cash for every $100 in Link) to fund other wants (sometimes needs) of the cardholder.


SNAP Benefits:
Qualifying individuals must have a job only part time or seasonal workers are accepted. They can receive half the funds of a qualifying Link person only for the length of time they are either out of work or they receive less than half for part time workers. It is very hard for a person to receive SNAP benefits and these are often the people who need the full amount.


SSI Checks:

Qualifying individuals are incapable of working to receive funds for either health or mental reasons. Often abused by parents who forced their children to plead retarded/slow in order to get a check of their own. These funds are sometimes denied for people who need it the most because there may not be funds there to assist them due to all the false claims that are being met.



Medical Cards:

These are probably the most tamed funds that are given out. Every child gets one and every adult capable of proving constant medical need receives one.





Section 8:

Qualifying individuals receives funds that can fit the bill for the amount of rooms needed for the people who will live under the same roof. I would consider Section 8 to be like a family air loom that's passed down generation to generation. Mothers make sure that their children are put onto the list as soon as they can and the children are often waiting for that approval letter in the mail for more than 10 years sometimes.





The money that fund the above programs are those taken from tax payers who work for a living, some who don't even get any of the above assistance. Some of the people who fund these programs don't even qualify for the above programs and are turned down and looked at sideways by case workers in charge of whether or not that can receive assistance or not.

Now I am in no form against anyone who receives the program benefits above UNLESS you are abusing them. I am amongst the few people who were denied benefits when I really needed them. Then I walked into stores where people had shopping carts filled with Flamin' Hots, cakes, and Juice. I hear in the state of California SNAP and Link recipients are capable of going to the local Burger King or Dominoes to purchase pizza with their benefits card. I would go into the doctors office and watch girls who were well along in their pregnancy go into a room for their first doctors visit and they have had a medical card forever. I would watch as people spent their SSI checks on restaurant food and new shoes before getting their lights and gas cut back on. How about searching for an apartment and all the nice looking ones are taken or boarded up and the Landlords would explain how they allowed Section 8 residents to reside in their apartments and they tore them up or the boilers burst because they did not pay the heating bill.

Welfare has made it so that people can live without having to lift a finger until the 1st, 15th, 23rd, or the 30th. They tend to depend on these benefits because this is how they have been living their whole lives. It's almost said when parents live this way and then cripples their child(ren) and have them hoping and praying they get the same type of benefits as their parents.

Though welfare has a good cause it has ruined the lives of people who could have actual done something with themselves and could be out making their own money to fuel their needs and wants instead of sitting at home and re-certifying every six months for money they did not earn and could give a rats ass about the people who are working to fund their programs they cannot live without.

Black & White Composition Books

"Bitterness only eats away from it's container from the inside out"  -Pastor L. Whitfield

When that statement was said I jerked back and thoughts flooded in. It was true. When you are being bitter about something it's hurts you more first and then you try to put the feelings out on others. I couldn't understand how this statement was the pure explanation of people in my life and it had also explained a lot and opened my eyes to reasons why people treated me the way they did and said the things they said. In the end they were hurting ten times more than I was after they'd attacked.

I have been the plate that a lot of people have spilled their hurt and anger on to make themselves feel better which is why I don't think I cry. Bitter people have made me stronger. I have never seen myself as bitter. I have never let anything tear me up so bad that I took that anger out on others.  I found myself always in someone else line of fire because I didn't have the episodes of bitterness they did.

Now, many become bitter because they are harboring feelings of something that they should have either addressed or gotten over, however, they decided not to speak on it and to hold back their reactions. Now I am one that I always thought it was was something people wanted just to fuck with me to get me to break but I would not entertain those situations by giving reaction. I journaled. I journaled like there was no tomorrow. I felt someone pissed me off, picked on me, made me feel worthless, blamed me, cheated me, taunted me ... I JOURNALED. I had exactly 47 black and white composition books over the course of seven years that I held my frustrations and annoyances in.



Never was a happy moment written in any of these journals. I made it to where everything I did not want to carry with me I put into those black and white composition books and I left them there. I didn't write in the journals for anyones entertainment, I never considered turning them into books, I did not hide them either, I felt if someone picked them up and got upset at what was inside that was some anger they would have to deal with on their own; because I dropped my opinion about the situation in the journal and I left it there and  I carried every happy moment with me and thats what I dwelled in.

Before I threw the journals away I wanted to read them and when I'd sat down with my big bag of M&M's I opened the first page and read the first sentence. I closed the book and realized that these would go into the garbage never to be read because that first page was something I had completely forgot about and the first sentence brought all the memories back and I didn't want to journal about reading my journals! They were good things to me and reading them I thought would just turn them into my enemies.

I then realized that if my journals could talk they would only see me as a bitter human being because I only shared with them what I dislike, who I disliked, and why. But I felt that my bitterness was better put onto a journal than onto other people.

Readers. You may not see yourself as bitter but when you get upset about something how do you let that emotion out? Do you journal? Go on the hunt for a victim? Whats your take on bitterness?

SOUND OFF!

YES, I'm Selfish, but...

Hello All! My name is Big Sister Grenade and I am SELFISH. Yes, I am admitting it. Now before you go judging me, I must inform you that I'm a very giving person (lol). For example, family, friends, Katrina and Japan relief victims, etc. I help out when I can financially. On the other hand, I'm selfish when it comes to the man I'm dating or should I say my man.

I do not believe in sharing a man that I'm in a relationship with. You can have a crush on him and dream the biggest dreams in reference to him, but it's best to keep it all to yourself. If a chick decides to blow a kiss his way he bet not catch it. If a chick is walking towards our direction staring him down he has no reason to make eye contact. As stated in a previous topic some females are ignorant and will do anything to pull the pin out of this grenade. There's plenty of fish in the sea just don't mess with mine. Go out and find your own man.

I'm not one to fight over any man unless their my blood relatives. Yes, you heard me right. Any man that believe it's my duty to fight or even waste my breathe disputing about him with another woman (his mother, other family members, baby mommas, etc.) can keep it moving. I don't share and I definitely do not have time to waste my breath or energy on nonsense. I'm quick to leave a guy right where he is standing if I have to. It's not a secret neither. I'll pack my things in his face all while Jagged Edge is playing (insider ... lol) and will be sure to leave the keys at the front door.

No, I am not the jealous type and never allowed that term to become a part of my character neither. However, I do believe in a thing called respect. I respect him and I demand respect back. I do not think that's too much to ask for. This selfishness derived from past and present day experiences. I have been in sitautaions where a guy felt as if he needed to please is childs mother in order to be happy in our former relationship. Then, I later found myself in a situation where this one guy believed he was the ladies man, he needed everyone else outside of us to stroke his ego. So as you can see I'm selfish and feel as if I have a right be, but it can easily be detoured.

Don't judge me I'm still in my growing process (lol).

*************************

I wasn't going to even get in on this one but I must say something! lol

Hello, I am Lil Sis Grenade and I am NOT Selfish. Yeah, yeah I know ... but you can stop your thinking. I DONT SHARE MY HUSBAND PHYSICALLY. However even my own husband think I need to be a bit more selfish over him.

I grew up where I didn't mind going to the club or parties and watching my husband enjoy himself while dancing with other women. It's been times we were walking around and another woman has brushed up against him or grabbed his ass and he would look at me and ask me did I see and I wouldn't but I didn't mind. I don't mind if he looks at another woman because thats just general nature of a human. You see something that interest you, you look.

This is my take. I do not get upset or offended with my husband on things that I would not want him to get upset with me about. Now, no, I don't brush up against other men nor do I grab their butt but I may occasionally glance in the the direction of the man if something about him caught my eye. Now do I want my husband to flip the fuck out and we argue? No. If I go to a club and I am dancing with another guy do I want my husband to hold that over my head? No. So why would I do that to him?

I am alright with another woman having a little crush on him because I find it amusing that women actually want what I have. I don't get upset but I do inform the woman that it will not go any further than a crush and to understand that it would never be more than that. That normally crushes their crush and then we're back to normal.

I have never been the type to get upset about things like that which is why I think my relationship lasted so long. I do not find the things some people get pissed about disrespectful because that's just not me.

Now for our Readers whats your take? Are you selfish like Big Sis Grenade or are you more laid back like Lil Sis?

SOUND OFF!

I'm Grown Now

This post is for the people older than we are to understand that WE ARE GROWN NOW.

Grown is often considered that you are no longer under the supervision of anyone. You are free to make decisions on your own and don't have to answer to anyone but the Big Man upstairs. The only rules followed are ones you made yourself. Everyone who used to make the rules for you can only give you advice. Sounds fun.

Everyone claims to be grown before they really are and I am definitely guilty of that. Going away to college doesn't make you grown if you come back home after graduation or when you decided college wasn't the right move for you. Having a baby and thinking that you only have to care for yourself but you need the help of those around you.

Paying a bill or two and claiming that everytime you are confronted as not being grown is another sign that you are not.

I had been out on my own for a while then when I finally came across my Grown reality when I would get paid and every penny I made went to a bill. There was no shopping, going out the eat, getting my nails done and my very last dime hit the just right amount for a pack of pampers. My account literally was down to 17 cent and I had two weeks until the next time I was to be paid. Gas would have to come from giving people rides to where they needed to go and food would come from in-laws who didn't mind giving $100 from their link to help out.

I had a big problem with people knowing I was struggling. Even though I paid my bills, the heat and lights were still being threatened to be turned off. Cell phones were paid before anything else because I didn't want anyone to know that I was struggling as bad as I was. I never knew it was possible to be in the position I was in because my parents had never let me see any struggle if there was any.

It was in that moment that I realized that I was grown and the fact I did everything because I knew that it was right. I knew these things were needed for my familys' survival. That's when I learned the word NO. I saw that there was no one there just offering a handout. If I didn't ask for help the need went unnoticed.

That's where I found myself saying I am able to ask for help and say Thank You afterward. I am able to make my own decision on if I want to stop doing something or if I want to start something new. I no longer need to explain myself to anyone and nothing is mandatory unless I say it is. I can honestly say it feels damn good. For years I was unsure of how to handle situations unless I got advice from grown people and now I handle situations my own way .

My point is being grown isn't all fun and games its probably one of the scariest moments in life when you figure it out but it changes your life.

Big Sis when did you know you were grown?

Well Lil' Sis, I grew up very quickly while in college. I must admit I was a dare devil and made a lot of decisions without thinking them through. I went from living the party life, working a minimum wage job, and allowing our parents to flip the bill on my car note to working two nice jobs, also, having work study, no longer partying, pay rents, car note and a billion other bills. Man it was hecked, but I persevered. The decline in the economy practically destroyed my life. It forced me to make the decision to return home.

Yes, I am grown mentally and age wise, but I still have a lot growing up to do within myself. Ask me this question when I'm 30 years of age and maybe I will be able to provide you a proper answer. By then I will be on my feet living my life as I dreamt it would be with a few added bonuses...lol.

SOUND OFF...Ladies and gentlemen when did you discover that you were grown? Or are you like Big Sister Grenade where she's still growing up within herself? We would love to hear from you, our fabulous readers.

Lunch Time Honesty Minute: Bubbleland

Yes this post is clearly about the LAUNDROMAT! or as we loosely say it "Laundry-mat". I didn't learn to actually use a washing machine in the laundromat until I was 17 years old. My husband taught me how while we were washing my clothes for I was soon to be going away to college. Up until then Mother Grenade would go wash while we only had to fold. After a while we were blessed with a washer and dryer in our home where I was accustomed to washing in a top filled washer and a dryer that would dry everything the first time around.


So at this very moment I'm sitting in the laundry-mat with five jumbo washers and three regular size washers. I'm in a cute capri pajama set that could be taken as a really cute outfit any day. I have on some comfy UGG's and my hair is cute and accessorized with my pretty flower headband. My face is washed and so is my body I smell of Dove soap and bodywash. My attention is turned completely to my laptop because I'm using this as free time to blog. Well WHY NOT BLOG ABOUT THE SHIT SEEN IN LAUNDRY-MATS!



I go to Bubbleland. Its not a place a lot of people frequent because the drying is known as NOT free. Yeah you could say I'm crazy for coming here and paying 30 cents per 12 minutes of drying, but I had to come here because I am not running into a place filled with kids in the last of their clean clothes that don't match waiting for their mommas to pull something out the dryer to match either the top or the bottom of what they running around in.

I go where I go because it's not filled with a lot of grown women with their dirty thongs hanging out of their too little laundromat jogging or pajama pants. Neither is it filled with a bunch of mommas who came in after a night of clubbing and decided to wake their kids up out their sleep to get in the car looking a mess while she is still shaub (sharp) from the night before.

I go where I go because it's super peaceful, I have all the room I need to wash and fold clothes and with washers that are huge and cheap and tables that are long sturdy and have section blockers.

That was until I woke up and decided hey lets separate the clothes and go to Bubbleland! My husband who has always been against going there said okay, but then proceeded to convince me to go to a Free Dry laundromat instead. I gave in and we actual went on a hunt for one. Yeah to no avail though. Everyone we went to was packed with the above descriptions and there was no room for us and our six bags (Yeah I said SIX!)

So we ended up going to Bubbleland! How about we walk in and there are these big ass signs saying FREE DRY! I think I walked into hell when I saw that! But it was still nice and peaceful ... until my husband left to get some food and when he pulled off a man, his wife, and two daughters pull up. It was clear they had never been here before because they had a bag full of quarters not knowing that all money go on cards here and the card machines do not take change!

They walked in a FULL DESCRIPTION of the people I was trying to avoid. They argued with the attendant when she told them they don't take coins ... they then proceeded to get their cards filled and the parents cursed the kids out because they had attitudes and then without everything being placed into the machines they left their things there and came back an hour later. Once they finally came back they finished their washing, put all the clothes in their bags unfolded and left ...

Then in came the parents of what must have been four teenage girls and they were obviously pissed. Eight big black garbage bags of dirty clothes and when they opened the bags it was obvious what they were pissed about ... none of the clothes were separated and one bag was full of wet clothes. They lost it! I mean I saw this as entertainment but then I also saw it as just plan sad.

Aside from the people breaking their necks to keep their kids near them and people arguing over dryers I was truly amused that on a Tuesday afternoon this is the shit seen in laundromats!

What do you see?

SOUND OFF!

Arguments

I used to always hear the way you grew up hearing arguments will be the way you would argue. Then it was shown to me on the tv show Lets Stay Together where the engaged couple mimicked the argument style of their parents. One would just walk away from an argument and stay silent and let it fester ... the other was used to attempting to "talk" something out and then always found themselves screaming!

You have some people who says that they argue because they love someone, then you find that arguing is the only way to solve a problem.

We argue with our siblings, other family, friends, neighbors, significant others, co-workers, teachers, even other drivers. You can be over happy and then find yourself pissed the next minute. When things aren't always in your favor and you take the frustration out on someone else.

Most arguments start over the smallest things that blow up during confrontations that bring out thoughts that would not typically be revealed.

I argue with my husband, who doesn't. We argue if he farts in the car with all the windows up, who's going to change the shitty pamper, who will make that 5am bottle for the baby, why didn't one of us spray the bathroom when we came out, did you really leave the top off the toothpaste, why did you throw my face towel in the laundry bag, who's gonna pay the bills over the phone, why do I have to carry more bags from the car, who's gonna get the baby cup out the car, why would you use the last q-tip, drink the last cup of kool-aid, did you really not wash the dishes, who left the mayonnaise on the table!??!

Seems like petty reasons right? I felt the same way until Daddy Grenade heard one of our arguments and said: "I'm so glad y'all arguments aren't really over nothing big". That got me to thinking our arguments be less than five minutes long and typically end with us laughing or the other coming into the room giving a hug and kiss and tickling the other. I don't have the big money fights or the what time you get in spats, who's texting you talks, who was the girl/guy you had in the car arguments. I began to be happy about my small petty arguments.

SOUND OFF...

How big or small are your arguments? Do they fester for days or are they mended before you guys go to bed?

FB DRAMA REVEALED: FB The Relationship Destroyer?

 

FACEBOOK

"Facebook is a social utility that connects people with friends and others who work, study and live around them."

Yeah it sounds good. Right? Since FB spread its wings to larger populations in the past six years it has been known as the relationship destroyer. Men and woman both utilize the site to search for old school buddies, past-time flings, family and friends. The relationship status is available for the everyone to see. Whether an individual post the truth or lie it seems to cause a great deal of conflict on this social media site. With the constant changes in the privacy settings FB will continue to receive flack and couples will see increase in lack of privacy.

All too often I read articles about couples ending their relationships over password changes, secret messages from former girlfriends/boyfriends, or because someone disregarded the relationship status and wrote openly on the persons wall expressing whatever.

If you are married or in some form of committed relationship why is there an issue with passwords. If there are no secrets then you and your significant other should have access to each others passwords. (Some of you out there may feel differently about this. Comment or email us.)

Why send private messages that you know can cause a problem in your relationship? If you sending a friend your phone number or email address then that is acceptable means for private messaging. On the other hand, congratulating an ex or unknown friend on their pregnancy or new job is totally unacceptable. Any form of congratulations can be posted on that persons wall.

We all know that there are some ignorant people in this world which we live in. Females in particular will do and say anything to piss another chick off. Writing on someones wall expressing how attractive they are when you know his girlfriend will be seeing it in the news feed can cause a great of problems. Especially, if the guy does not nip it in the bud with that chick. I have personally seen this happen on a friend wall and his girl lost it. Their situation could have been avoided if the guy would have removed the chick or the girlfriend could have ignored it. But then again how many times can you overlook nonsense.

If it takes for both of you to deactivation or delete all of your social media accounts, then do it. Saving your relationship should be more important than FB. However, if you choose to continue doing you, then so be it. What's hidden in the dark will eventually come to light. 

I have always said I wonder how me and my husbands relationship would be if Facebook was popular in the year we started dating. I didn't have anything that I could go to and learn more than the little information I would get from him. I had nothing that I could see how his past relationship went and how he dealt with the break up. I didn't have anything that would show me photos of how he spent his money and if he spent more time with his friends than with his family. When we joined FB we were both in a relationship with each other and it had never changed.

Facebook is NOT the reason relationships are destroyed. It is simply a vehicle to get you through a relationship that was going no where faster. You find out that he's talking to other girls. He finds out that your the jealous type when you add every girl that's adding him or that he adds. You find out how he really feels in a relationship when you argue and he instantly post his response in his status. He finds out that you are writing notes and taking pictures to please another guy. You would have found these things out eventually. Facebook just helped you get through it.

Think of all the relationships before FB you have been in that lasted a long time and after you break up you realize you spent to much time in the relationship. Now look how fast you see people go through relationships. On some ends its a curse on others it's a blessing.

What do you think readers?

SOUND OFF!

Voting

Since when has the opportunity to vote become a none mother fucking factor? Apparently its not important to many individuals, unless a Black man is running for President. I'm very upset at those who took the presidential election seriously, but fail to utilize their rights during other primary elections.

All votes are and forever will be accounted for. Well, that's only if you go out and exercise your rights. Voting for elected officials to represent us in office is very important. They are our voices for creating laws and enforcing them, Health care, taxes, government assistance, employment opportunities, and social security is determined by our votes.

People have marched, fought and put their lives on the line for us to cast a ballot. Maybe you do not understand the sacrifice our ancestors fought tirelessly for. One day you should GROW UP and begin understanding. All persons of color and women should be the first in line to cast a ballot. From what I heard in the next year or so African Americans will not be able to vote at all (there is an expiration date on OUR Constitutional privileges).

When you go to the department of human services office to renew your link (EBT) application, your worker should offer you a voters registration form. The post office, all colleges and universities carry forms, as well as many churches. Facebook and other media outlets advertise how important it is to vote and you still come up with every excuse in the world as to why you were unable to vote. I find it very amusing how you can call off work to go and get your hair and nails done, but it does not cross your mind on election day. You can stand in line for hours to cop that new iPhone or the newest pair of Jordans, but you are not willing to stand in line for a few minutes to vote for the Mayor of your city.

It's always those individuals that make the most noise who do not vote. I'm tired of hearing about the decrease in food stamps, W.I.C., and so forward. Exercise your rights and stop complaining. It takes nothing to get up off your ass and go vote. When you do not vote you do not have any rights to be bitter, nor complain about anything that happens in society today. You think its hard now with the Republicans running the House and Senate? Wait until Sarah Palin or Donald Trump becomes president it's going to be hell to pay the captain. If you don't know what the Tea Party does, I suggest you start researching now.

Growing old is mandatory, but growing up is an option. Be smart and utilize your rights to VOTE.

A Family???

Growing up I always wanted to have a big family. Five kids, all boys, was the plan...well until I realized how much work hard work it would take to fulfill those shoes. The idea changed after watching my parents start all over by raising four of their eight grandchildren. Then I never found the perfect guy who I thought would be a great father for my unborn children. No, I was not searching for prince charming or anything. Just someone who will be responsible and not have to depend on his parents to financially support his family; mainly his child(ren).

I broke the family norm (some call it curse) by waiting to even think about becoming pregnant. I've finished school and did a great deal traveling. I became an adult much sooner than I wanted. Being a broke college student would do that to you. I placed my goals and thoughts of a career before the idea of a family. I wanted to be stable before bringing a life into this world.

I've dated men who openly made it clear that they wanted a family. Many felt that I was the one, but the feelings wasn't mutual. A lot of times I wouldn't call the guy back after the first date. Other times I would express verbally my thoughts on children. Plus, I did not like that it became a topic on the first outing. Usually the roles are reversed and woman is the one to talk about children and the guy would run and hide. But with me I'm a different breed, I only know one other person like myself and that's my cousin, Bunny.

Now do not get me wrong. Yes, I do understand that there is no perfect man out here. However, I do believe that there are some very close to my idea of what perfect means. I stopped thinking about it and decided to allow God to do His thing. Ideally He has the ultimate say anyway.

My plans for life and many of my set goals were detoured when I decided to settle down with my honey. Yes, we've discussed having children and other options in the event that we're unable to. Right now just is not the time. Hell I'm still rearing and teaching him the ways of life. Once I'm done then maybe we can create some mini me's. I always said I need to have at least three before my thirtieth birthday. After thirty I have plans on being fit; two piece bikini and all (lol). Geesh, I just realized I have less than five years to accomplish this goal. My twenty-fifth birthday is around the darn corner. 

I have yet to sit and analyze my reasons for finding the prefect father. Maybe it is because my father wasn't there, but my DADDY was. I don't know ... I do not feel that a man is obligated to wipe another man's child ass. He can easily walk away. Yeah maybe this was the reason for me to search for the perfect father. Yes, I understand that relationships do not always work out, but that should not stop a man from raising his offspring.

SOUND OFF ... 

Ladies, what were/are your dreams of a family? Did it go as planned? Is your child(ren) father(s) actively involved in their lives? 

Men, did you ever dream of a having a family? How did it turn out for you? Are you actively involved in your child(ren) lives?