No Longer the Excuse Maker

I thought just maybe he was the truth. Just maybe his 'sincerity' was so real. Or just maybe I wanted to love the way he made me feel. But no one wants to be miserable in any relationship, so I finally figured it out. He isn't the truth, he never was as sincere as he says and his definition of love equals pain.

It's such ashamed that I had became an excuse maker for a man whom I thought was a billion times more mature than when we dated in the high school. No, no, no... I was wrong big time. Constantly finding excuses as to why he did this or that.

I just had high hopes that his ignorance as to what it means to be a man or better yet a husband would one day change. However, it never did and I was strong enough to do what so many other women are afraid of and that is leave. Yes, I left empty handed; with only $0.47 in my checking account, one small suitcase, and three large duffel bags filled with clothes, shoes and purses. I walked away from all of the material possessions I owned (furniture, jewelry, electronics, etc).

And I haven't looked back neither. Why? Because I walked away with my dignity and the idea that I no longer have to be an excuse maker for a guy who lacks the knowledge of what it means to be a REAL man.

SOUND OFF ... Were or are you an excuse maker for guy who isn't worth the heartache you've experienced? Did you leave or are you still sticking out hoping for a change?

CRUSH

As a little girl (and I mean toddler age), I had the biggest crush on my Auntee's high school sweetheart, Kenny R. It was not a secret and everybody including Auntee knew about it. Every time he came around I would blush and sometimes try to hide. It probably made his year to know a little girl thought he was the finest thing since slice bread.

See then it was cute because I was just a child and at the time I did not fully under the meaning of what a crush was. Now that I am a woman, I know I cannot and should not go around batting my eyes at every man I find attractive. Especially, if he's in a relationship, it's disrespectful.

Well, Mother Grenade, raised and instilled into me what it means to be respectful to myself and others. Which I take very seriously. However, I cannot say the same for others ... If I found a man attractive and later learn that he is a relationship or better yet married he's no longer eye candy to me. That's just me I guess.

I know of a young woman (whose over the age of 21) who has a crush on a now married man. She has been open about it. She has had this crush on this man since her freshman year of high school. He was two grade levels ahead of her and he was taken by his now wife. A good friend of hers has warned her numerous times about how inappropriate it is to pursue interest in him because he's taken.

The mans wife heard if it and thought it was funny and a bit cute. Well, that until she found out about this young lady has secretly messaging her husband on Facebook. The wife warned the girl that she is now grown and it's no longer cute and it's time to move on because he is married. The wife even informed her husband that it's not good to entertain the young woman. It's best for everyone if he just ignore it and take it as a compliment.

Both disregarded what the wife said and continued the private messaging. Now there is a conflict in their marriage because of a crush turned secret Facebook messages. I personally do not know the details of the messages, but I do know that this is undeniably wrong.

What I'm getting to here is to show the difference between myself and that young woman. See I was a child and she is legally grown. Do you see the point that I', trying to make here? Apparently her mother did not teach her about respecting a couples relationships or better yet  marriages. But we cannot place the blame totally on her because the husband is disrespecting his wife by getting his ego stroked by another woman.

Sound Off... What are your thoughts on little girls vs. grown women having on a crush on a man in a "committed" relationship or married?

Silly

Have you ever been so deep in love with a person you know/knew was NOT worth the love you were providing? You were too naive to understand that you were being made a fool of. However, deep down in your heart you knew that you should be searching for more in a mate. Someone much closer to your standards.

Many individuals fall in love for all of the wrongs reasons. Some may know off top that the relationship isn't healthy, but will settle because they are comfortable. Others are clueless to their mates wrong doings. Women want father figures for their children and men want stability in the home but fun outside. Silly situations like this lead to stress, suicide, depression, abortions, divorces and so much more.

There come a point in every persons life where they will be a fool in love. Some will realize this more quickly than others. It can take 25 years of marriage to figure this out. Or 7 years and three children for others. But when you finally notice and understand how silly you are only then you can reflect and make the decision on moving forward or not.

Love will cause even the smartest person to become a silly fool in love.

Sound Off... Are you being silly or is he really your everything? Have you ever been in a silly situation/ relationship? If so, when did you learn that it was time to move on? Or (For others) why did you decide to stay?

NEVER LETTING GO

I was listening to Pandora radio a few minutes ago and Faith Evans song Never Let You Go came on. Whew!

I would like to say that it's a true definition of the feelings you have when you know you have met the person you can't live without. Through the dirty socks, crumbs in the bed, not sweeping the trash into the dustpan, never refilling the ice tray, drinking the last drop of kool-aid, taking the last piece of chicken, losing the remote control, leaving their shoes in the hallway for anyone to trip, washing the dishes and leaving the dirty pots and pans, not spraying the Shout on their dirty shirts, losing the debit card when rent is due, doing so much over time you never see them, never wanted to fix their side of the bed, cleaning only their side of the room YOU STILL LOVE THEM.

Check out the video!

I'm Re-Training My Husband

The funniest statement I ever heard a woman in her 50's tell was "I raised my husband and both of my kids, now it's time to do me." When I heard that statement I laughed so hard. It was actually my first time hearing something like that. I thought once a man asked a woman to marry him, he would portray and act as an adult. Yeah, well, I am personally finding out that that is not true.

I am currently teaching my husband everything his mother did not, may have forgot to do, and revising a few things she mislead him on or about. I fault his mother because I witness her brag before a table of approximately ten to fifteen woman on how she encouraged her son to over-spend on material items. Teaching a child to have caviar taste with fishstick money is inappropriate. No, I do not have any children as of yet, but I do believe parents should be realistic about life.

Here is an idea of some of things I had to show him:

• Dirty socks goes into the laundry hamper not under the couch or bed, please do not stick them between, nor, under the couch cushions.
• After washing dishes please dry up all the pools of water your created while doing so.
• Everytime the garbage gets full take it out; I shouldn't have to ask or sometimes tell you repeatly to do so.
• Everytime you get paid, you do not need to go out and buy a new outfit and shoes to match. You already have enough.
• Please do not eat in bed. I already have to sweep up the crumbs behind you in the dining room.
• When doing laundry whites and reds should not be washed together.
• Clean the piss up off the floor after using the bathroom. Please and thank you!!!

Yes, he is an adult age wise, but sometimes I think he believes he's still in high school and other times he's much younger. I am analyzing my situation and believe I have a few more years of teaching to do. In the beginning it was tough, well, hell some days it still is. By the time we're in our thirties I will be able to pat myself on the back and say "job well done" (hopefully) ... lol. Pray for me y'all. Seriously, I really need it. I guess re-training him is preparing me when the time comes to begin rearing our children.

Ladies before saying 'I do', I advise you to do some research on your mates spending habits. Ask questions, especially referencing savings. Go around his family (suck it up even if you do not get along with them) they will tell you everything.

SOUND OFF ... Are you or did you have to raise or re-train your husband/spouse? If so, was it a tedious journey? I would love you hear your story.

'The Trend'

What's up with the "new trend"? I'm talking about men wanting to become females and the chicks acting like studs. It is not exactly a new trends. It has been around for generations. It's even talked about in the Bible. I called it the "new trend" because so many people are joining in. Now before I go any further I would like to say that we, the Sister Grenades, do not hold any hard feelings against individuals and their sexual preferences. It is not our duty to judge anyone about their life, lifestyle, nor, any other ways of living. Now that we've taken care of that lets get back to the issue at hand.

I hear many of you say that you were born that way. I almost believed Sigmund Freud's theory of female babies penis envy and male babies vagina envy could be the cause of people being born gay or lesbian. But then I later disregarded that thought and understood that it was his theory on why babies are attached to their parent of the opposite sex. If you were "born that way" why not be true yourself from day one?. Don't try being who your parents want you to be. I overheard a woman venting to another about how she would prefer for her daughter to be a whore rather than a lesbian. Those are hard words to swallow, but parents must realize that they cannot control their children, nor, their decisions. Just remember that you cannot hide in the closet forever. Everyone including your parents and other family members will pick up on you and your new trend.

Ladies, why wait until you've birthed seven kids by six different men to decide that another woman is what you desire? You know some of you are out here crushing your babies daddy(ies) hearts by leaving him for another woman. Some men will not be open about how they feel, but they are very resentful. However, their are men out there whose turned on about the idea of two woman dating. Is this the reason for joining in on the new trend? Or did you join in because your were being true to yourself? Or did you feel as if all men are dogs or that all the good men are taken?

According to an article posted in the L.A. Times, "there is an emerging generation of openly gay and lesbian athletes on high school and college campuses across the country…" In many high schools and most colleges females are mainly recruited by the studs or girls basketball team. Guys, on the other hand, have already adapted into the new trend long before entering high school. Ladies just because you play in a certain sport does not mean you have to become hard or join in on the new trend.  

So many of my peers and associates have told me stories about them experimenting with someone of the same sex. I was puzzled when by two of them because all they spoke about was men and how much they loved the 'D'. Years later those two are full fledged lesbians and are proud of it. I am still cool with them till this day. I just say hey I am happy for you being true to yourself. I have no problems with their lifestyles, nor who floats their boats the best.  

If you are going to be true to yourself, then do not double dip. Leave the down-low living to the birds and be open and honest. You cannot have your cake and eat it too. You have to choose one; either man or woman, not both. You will destroy lives and families by continuing to do so.

Dear Sister Grenade: SHOULD I LEAVE

Dear Sister Grenades,

I have a problem! I have been dating my boyfriend for over 3 yrs. now. Lately, I have been noticing an increase in communication amongst him and his ex. There are no kids involved and when we got together he made it clear that they are no longer. Theres no communication whatever so ever. However, the past four months seems to be a contradiction of what he told me over three years ago. I don't know maybe there has been communication and he has been hiding it or what not. I brought it to his attention and he told me I was tripping and to mind my damn business. If he loves me why would he speak to me in that way. I'm at my breaking point and so ready to leave, but me loving him is holding me back.  I need some advice.

Signed,

Should I Leave

Dear Should I Leave,

First off thank you for writing us. Secondly, there seems to be few missing pieces to this puzzle. You said you been noticing an increase in communication with your boyfriend and his ex. What happened? Did you go searching for something? Did you hear a phone conversation or see a text message? What did you say when you brought it to his attention? 

If something such as this is a factor then he should have sat and spoke with you about it. After three long years there really should not be any problems with discussing an issue that you have with him secretly talking to his ex. Let me be the one to inform you that LOVE is blind. If he loves you than no he should not have said mind your own damn business. Apparently he is guilty of something. I would say try a different approach this time around to address the issue. You can start off by saying "can we talk..."(you can finish the statement if he agrees to talk.) If it doesn't work out then you have to do whats best for you. You can always stick around and continue to feel the way you do or you can move on with your life and find someone who will not lie and hide things from you. There is plenty of fish in the sea. Please write us back with an update.

SOUND OFF... Readers what advice can you offer this young ladies?

Do You Know His Social Security Number???

I've come across a great deal of females who believe it's okay to drop their panties without protection. Failing to realize the realities of life; babies and sexually transmitted infections. When it comes to the baby situation many of the females do not know anything more than the guys nickname. Once the baby is born the chick has an opportunity to apply government assistance to keep both healthy, but they (DHS) ask for the fathers information. And what do they know? Nothing, just his nickname or sometimes the first, but not his last name.

Girls will make sure they know his whole family and where everyone lives ... even the same information about the girl he's messing around with. But the title is about his SSN .... you will be lucky to find a girl who know the guy real name!

Let me be honest, never did I know the importance of a SSN until I learned my own and started applying for jobs and college. Soon as I noticed the importance I learned that it's the most public, but secret thing every person has. If a man released this information to you then you knew he trusted you! You knew that you were in a real relationship.

With that being said, if you know his SSN but it's because you took a sneak peak of the card while going threw his wallet and saved the number in your phone or you wrote it on a piece of paper when he left a job application sitting on the computer stand WHAT DOES THAT SAY ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP?

I knew my husbands SSN by the beginning of our third year ... it wasn't because he didn't want to tell me it was because I had never asked. When I'd asked he provided the information as if it was his phone number and I learned the importance of having this information from filling out personal information for him or providing the number to doctors and seeing the look on people faces because we were young and many had expressed that it was rare that the girl didn't have to call the guy for the number to provide the information later.

All in all it is utterly important to obtain his social security number whether you are married or the mother of his child(ren). It will benefit you more than you know. Now we are not saying ask for it and then open up credit cards or put a car or two in his name. That's not utilizing it wisely. We're telling you to be smart about it and do the right thing.

SOUND OFF... So do you know your man social security number? How did you go about obtaining?

Shut-Up Bitch!

GOSSIP [gos-uh p] (noun):

Idle talk or rumour, especially about the personal or private affairs of others.

It's no secret we all do it, may have done it, or use to spread gossip. Gossiping is like an itch that must be scratched. In some cases the itch is scratched so much that it creates a sore.

Gossip is sometimes the basis of a friendship. A relationship that's built off gossip is one that needs gossip to survive. Not to mention that relationship ends the way it was started.

For my department at work I am the last to get in ... so when I come in to work on a day that was eventful before I made it in I am instantly bombarded with seven to ten different stories about the same event. They come in all forms; e-mails, instant messaging, coming to my desk, or even walking up to me while I'm grabbing water from the machine. I always wondered why I was the one to get all the different stories so I asked. I was told:

"The rumor mill stops with you. We can tell you what happened and give you our thoughts and we will never hear of it again."

I was shocked but I quickly got over it because my family describes me as the person that don't think much information given to me is worth repeating or could be considered gossip. Then again, anytime people are defaming one another while attempting to save or cover their own ass I ignore it so much to where I can barely remember until someone tries to recap the story.

I recently made the decision that when someone I know is known for gossiping comes to me with information about someone else. I will easily tell them "Damn, Shut Up Bitch"! Now some of you may want to take the time to brace yourself for the next time you attempt to tell someone elses business to me. No matter what our stand on relationship is you WILL be told the title of this post.

There is a difference between telling someone you don't want to hear something which is what I may normally say but they seem to counter my want with what they would like to call my "need" to hear them bitch and complain and put there two cents in on someone elses situation. So I find the Shut Up Bitch more appropriate. It instantly shuts them up, makes them turn away, and gives them an inkling that I don't care to hear anything else they believe is a "need" for me to hear.

To our readers, go ahead and adapt the S.U.B method and watch as the conversations around you change. Now this is for the most holy and most sinful rephrase it however you would like just make sure you get the message across.

And to those of you who will take this post and negatively run with it I will like to extend a special SHUT UP BITCH to you.

"If the duck would have kept its mouth closed, then it would not have ended up on the hunter's dinner table."

YES, I'm Selfish, but...

Hello All! My name is Big Sister Grenade and I am SELFISH. Yes, I am admitting it. Now before you go judging me, I must inform you that I'm a very giving person (lol). For example, family, friends, Katrina and Japan relief victims, etc. I help out when I can financially. On the other hand, I'm selfish when it comes to the man I'm dating or should I say my man.

I do not believe in sharing a man that I'm in a relationship with. You can have a crush on him and dream the biggest dreams in reference to him, but it's best to keep it all to yourself. If a chick decides to blow a kiss his way he bet not catch it. If a chick is walking towards our direction staring him down he has no reason to make eye contact. As stated in a previous topic some females are ignorant and will do anything to pull the pin out of this grenade. There's plenty of fish in the sea just don't mess with mine. Go out and find your own man.

I'm not one to fight over any man unless their my blood relatives. Yes, you heard me right. Any man that believe it's my duty to fight or even waste my breathe disputing about him with another woman (his mother, other family members, baby mommas, etc.) can keep it moving. I don't share and I definitely do not have time to waste my breath or energy on nonsense. I'm quick to leave a guy right where he is standing if I have to. It's not a secret neither. I'll pack my things in his face all while Jagged Edge is playing (insider ... lol) and will be sure to leave the keys at the front door.

No, I am not the jealous type and never allowed that term to become a part of my character neither. However, I do believe in a thing called respect. I respect him and I demand respect back. I do not think that's too much to ask for. This selfishness derived from past and present day experiences. I have been in sitautaions where a guy felt as if he needed to please is childs mother in order to be happy in our former relationship. Then, I later found myself in a situation where this one guy believed he was the ladies man, he needed everyone else outside of us to stroke his ego. So as you can see I'm selfish and feel as if I have a right be, but it can easily be detoured.

Don't judge me I'm still in my growing process (lol).

*************************

I wasn't going to even get in on this one but I must say something! lol

Hello, I am Lil Sis Grenade and I am NOT Selfish. Yeah, yeah I know ... but you can stop your thinking. I DONT SHARE MY HUSBAND PHYSICALLY. However even my own husband think I need to be a bit more selfish over him.

I grew up where I didn't mind going to the club or parties and watching my husband enjoy himself while dancing with other women. It's been times we were walking around and another woman has brushed up against him or grabbed his ass and he would look at me and ask me did I see and I wouldn't but I didn't mind. I don't mind if he looks at another woman because thats just general nature of a human. You see something that interest you, you look.

This is my take. I do not get upset or offended with my husband on things that I would not want him to get upset with me about. Now, no, I don't brush up against other men nor do I grab their butt but I may occasionally glance in the the direction of the man if something about him caught my eye. Now do I want my husband to flip the fuck out and we argue? No. If I go to a club and I am dancing with another guy do I want my husband to hold that over my head? No. So why would I do that to him?

I am alright with another woman having a little crush on him because I find it amusing that women actually want what I have. I don't get upset but I do inform the woman that it will not go any further than a crush and to understand that it would never be more than that. That normally crushes their crush and then we're back to normal.

I have never been the type to get upset about things like that which is why I think my relationship lasted so long. I do not find the things some people get pissed about disrespectful because that's just not me.

Now for our Readers whats your take? Are you selfish like Big Sis Grenade or are you more laid back like Lil Sis?

SOUND OFF!

Arguments

I used to always hear the way you grew up hearing arguments will be the way you would argue. Then it was shown to me on the tv show Lets Stay Together where the engaged couple mimicked the argument style of their parents. One would just walk away from an argument and stay silent and let it fester ... the other was used to attempting to "talk" something out and then always found themselves screaming!

You have some people who says that they argue because they love someone, then you find that arguing is the only way to solve a problem.

We argue with our siblings, other family, friends, neighbors, significant others, co-workers, teachers, even other drivers. You can be over happy and then find yourself pissed the next minute. When things aren't always in your favor and you take the frustration out on someone else.

Most arguments start over the smallest things that blow up during confrontations that bring out thoughts that would not typically be revealed.

I argue with my husband, who doesn't. We argue if he farts in the car with all the windows up, who's going to change the shitty pamper, who will make that 5am bottle for the baby, why didn't one of us spray the bathroom when we came out, did you really leave the top off the toothpaste, why did you throw my face towel in the laundry bag, who's gonna pay the bills over the phone, why do I have to carry more bags from the car, who's gonna get the baby cup out the car, why would you use the last q-tip, drink the last cup of kool-aid, did you really not wash the dishes, who left the mayonnaise on the table!??!

Seems like petty reasons right? I felt the same way until Daddy Grenade heard one of our arguments and said: "I'm so glad y'all arguments aren't really over nothing big". That got me to thinking our arguments be less than five minutes long and typically end with us laughing or the other coming into the room giving a hug and kiss and tickling the other. I don't have the big money fights or the what time you get in spats, who's texting you talks, who was the girl/guy you had in the car arguments. I began to be happy about my small petty arguments.

SOUND OFF...

How big or small are your arguments? Do they fester for days or are they mended before you guys go to bed?

FB DRAMA REVEALED: FB The Relationship Destroyer?

 

FACEBOOK

"Facebook is a social utility that connects people with friends and others who work, study and live around them."

Yeah it sounds good. Right? Since FB spread its wings to larger populations in the past six years it has been known as the relationship destroyer. Men and woman both utilize the site to search for old school buddies, past-time flings, family and friends. The relationship status is available for the everyone to see. Whether an individual post the truth or lie it seems to cause a great deal of conflict on this social media site. With the constant changes in the privacy settings FB will continue to receive flack and couples will see increase in lack of privacy.

All too often I read articles about couples ending their relationships over password changes, secret messages from former girlfriends/boyfriends, or because someone disregarded the relationship status and wrote openly on the persons wall expressing whatever.

If you are married or in some form of committed relationship why is there an issue with passwords. If there are no secrets then you and your significant other should have access to each others passwords. (Some of you out there may feel differently about this. Comment or email us.)

Why send private messages that you know can cause a problem in your relationship? If you sending a friend your phone number or email address then that is acceptable means for private messaging. On the other hand, congratulating an ex or unknown friend on their pregnancy or new job is totally unacceptable. Any form of congratulations can be posted on that persons wall.

We all know that there are some ignorant people in this world which we live in. Females in particular will do and say anything to piss another chick off. Writing on someones wall expressing how attractive they are when you know his girlfriend will be seeing it in the news feed can cause a great of problems. Especially, if the guy does not nip it in the bud with that chick. I have personally seen this happen on a friend wall and his girl lost it. Their situation could have been avoided if the guy would have removed the chick or the girlfriend could have ignored it. But then again how many times can you overlook nonsense.

If it takes for both of you to deactivation or delete all of your social media accounts, then do it. Saving your relationship should be more important than FB. However, if you choose to continue doing you, then so be it. What's hidden in the dark will eventually come to light. 

I have always said I wonder how me and my husbands relationship would be if Facebook was popular in the year we started dating. I didn't have anything that I could go to and learn more than the little information I would get from him. I had nothing that I could see how his past relationship went and how he dealt with the break up. I didn't have anything that would show me photos of how he spent his money and if he spent more time with his friends than with his family. When we joined FB we were both in a relationship with each other and it had never changed.

Facebook is NOT the reason relationships are destroyed. It is simply a vehicle to get you through a relationship that was going no where faster. You find out that he's talking to other girls. He finds out that your the jealous type when you add every girl that's adding him or that he adds. You find out how he really feels in a relationship when you argue and he instantly post his response in his status. He finds out that you are writing notes and taking pictures to please another guy. You would have found these things out eventually. Facebook just helped you get through it.

Think of all the relationships before FB you have been in that lasted a long time and after you break up you realize you spent to much time in the relationship. Now look how fast you see people go through relationships. On some ends its a curse on others it's a blessing.

What do you think readers?

SOUND OFF!

He Put a Ring On It

Back in October 2008 singer/songwriter Beyonce introduced the world to her hit track Put a Ring on it. Everyone, including men, was grooving to the tune ... If he Liked it, Then he Should Have Put a Ring on it. She gave people the idea that if he wanted the woman to stick around then he should placed a ring her hand. After that we've found so many couples on FB getting either engaged or jumping the broom.

But what happens when that ring isn't all it's cracked up to be?. So he placed the ring on your hand. Later you set a date and the wedding planning begins. He was and still is charming and the most respectful human being you ever met. The big day finally arrives and you guys had the best 7 day honeymoon vacation ever. The entire time you tell yourself it's just too good to be true. He's everything you ever wanted.

The vacation is over and you merge from two separate households into one. Within months that ring begins to become over bearing and much more than you can handle. That ring provider turns out not to be the same man he presented himself prior to nuptials. The ring provider is abusive; physically, mentally, and emotionally. Yes, he is the same man the vowed to never hit or beat on you, nor, mistreat you. He places bruises on you in areas no one will ever see. In the public eye he portrays himself as someone other than the one you lay in bed with at night. So you fear that no one will believe you, not even your children.

Do you stay because you fear for your life? Or do you stay because you have a ring on?

Having a ring doesn't make you a woman, nor does it provide happiness. Real LOVE should never hurt you physically, verbally, mentally, or emotionally.


National Domestic Violence Hotline 800-799-SAFE (7233)