Happy Memorials Day All! The other day I participated in a four hour phone conversation with a good friend of mine from college. We reflected, as usual, on the great times we had during our undergraduate years. Realizing how much fun we had prior to settling down and moving forward with our lives. She explained to me how she thought marriage was going to be much more than what she is experiencing now. I agreed with her and we continued to encourage one another because we are both learning that marriage is not easy at all. One thing that we both have in common is that our mates lack spending quality time with us.
Prior to the newly found married life everything seemed to be going great. We did a lot outside of the home. Always on the go enjoying yourselves every chance we got. Well all of that ended once we said 'I do'. It seems like I had to pencil in a request just for a hour of his time. I did this for months and even found myself complaining and later nagging about it. The PS3 is first in life, spending hours in the studio is second and me, I'm third on the list. (If we were in Chicago I will probably be fourth. However, I will never allow myself to be in that predicament.)
While everything else was taking up his time, I had to learn how to enjoy being by myself. Which was pretty tough. Unlike him I grew up with siblings and always had extended family and friends to occupy my time with. I have never felt as lonely as I have being married compared to when I was single. The most enjoyment I get out of life is watching lifetime and spending hours on the phone chatting with my family.
For a while I thought maybe, just maybe, its me over reacting or expecting too much. Silly me to have second guess my worth. I prayed and promised myself to continue to always and forever put myself first no matter what (or who). That is what I am currently doing. I have found employment and applying for graduate school. No need for me to be sitting around feeling lonely. Its his lost, not mine.
SOUND OFF ... Have any of you experience this in your marriage? If so, how did you handle it?
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Monday, May 30, 2011
Saturday, April 9, 2011
WELFARE
Food stamps now Link Card, SNAP benefits, SSI Checks, Medical Cards, Section 8 ... and plenty more ... means WELFARE.
Lets take a look at each one.
Link Cards:
Qualifying individuals receive $200 in Link for every member of their household who is either underage or incapable of working for whatever circumstance. This is often abused by many because they receive all these funds in link and it's often spent on junk food or sold for cash ($60 cash for every $100 in Link) to fund other wants (sometimes needs) of the cardholder.SNAP Benefits:
Qualifying individuals must have a job only part time or seasonal workers are accepted. They can receive half the funds of a qualifying Link person only for the length of time they are either out of work or they receive less than half for part time workers. It is very hard for a person to receive SNAP benefits and these are often the people who need the full amount.SSI Checks:
Qualifying individuals are incapable of working to receive funds for either health or mental reasons. Often abused by parents who forced their children to plead retarded/slow in order to get a check of their own. These funds are sometimes denied for people who need it the most because there may not be funds there to assist them due to all the false claims that are being met.
Medical Cards:
Section 8:
The money that fund the above programs are those taken from tax payers who work for a living, some who don't even get any of the above assistance. Some of the people who fund these programs don't even qualify for the above programs and are turned down and looked at sideways by case workers in charge of whether or not that can receive assistance or not.
Now I am in no form against anyone who receives the program benefits above UNLESS you are abusing them. I am amongst the few people who were denied benefits when I really needed them. Then I walked into stores where people had shopping carts filled with Flamin' Hots, cakes, and Juice. I hear in the state of California SNAP and Link recipients are capable of going to the local Burger King or Dominoes to purchase pizza with their benefits card. I would go into the doctors office and watch girls who were well along in their pregnancy go into a room for their first doctors visit and they have had a medical card forever. I would watch as people spent their SSI checks on restaurant food and new shoes before getting their lights and gas cut back on. How about searching for an apartment and all the nice looking ones are taken or boarded up and the Landlords would explain how they allowed Section 8 residents to reside in their apartments and they tore them up or the boilers burst because they did not pay the heating bill.
Welfare has made it so that people can live without having to lift a finger until the 1st, 15th, 23rd, or the 30th. They tend to depend on these benefits because this is how they have been living their whole lives. It's almost said when parents live this way and then cripples their child(ren) and have them hoping and praying they get the same type of benefits as their parents.
Though welfare has a good cause it has ruined the lives of people who could have actual done something with themselves and could be out making their own money to fuel their needs and wants instead of sitting at home and re-certifying every six months for money they did not earn and could give a rats ass about the people who are working to fund their programs they cannot live without.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Black & White Composition Books
"Bitterness only eats away from it's container from the inside out" -Pastor L. Whitfield
When that statement was said I jerked back and thoughts flooded in. It was true. When you are being bitter about something it's hurts you more first and then you try to put the feelings out on others. I couldn't understand how this statement was the pure explanation of people in my life and it had also explained a lot and opened my eyes to reasons why people treated me the way they did and said the things they said. In the end they were hurting ten times more than I was after they'd attacked.
I have been the plate that a lot of people have spilled their hurt and anger on to make themselves feel better which is why I don't think I cry. Bitter people have made me stronger. I have never seen myself as bitter. I have never let anything tear me up so bad that I took that anger out on others. I found myself always in someone else line of fire because I didn't have the episodes of bitterness they did.
Now, many become bitter because they are harboring feelings of something that they should have either addressed or gotten over, however, they decided not to speak on it and to hold back their reactions. Now I am one that I always thought it was was something people wanted just to fuck with me to get me to break but I would not entertain those situations by giving reaction. I journaled. I journaled like there was no tomorrow. I felt someone pissed me off, picked on me, made me feel worthless, blamed me, cheated me, taunted me ... I JOURNALED. I had exactly 47 black and white composition books over the course of seven years that I held my frustrations and annoyances in.
Never was a happy moment written in any of these journals. I made it to where everything I did not want to carry with me I put into those black and white composition books and I left them there. I didn't write in the journals for anyones entertainment, I never considered turning them into books, I did not hide them either, I felt if someone picked them up and got upset at what was inside that was some anger they would have to deal with on their own; because I dropped my opinion about the situation in the journal and I left it there and I carried every happy moment with me and thats what I dwelled in.
Before I threw the journals away I wanted to read them and when I'd sat down with my big bag of M&M's I opened the first page and read the first sentence. I closed the book and realized that these would go into the garbage never to be read because that first page was something I had completely forgot about and the first sentence brought all the memories back and I didn't want to journal about reading my journals! They were good things to me and reading them I thought would just turn them into my enemies.
I then realized that if my journals could talk they would only see me as a bitter human being because I only shared with them what I dislike, who I disliked, and why. But I felt that my bitterness was better put onto a journal than onto other people.
Readers. You may not see yourself as bitter but when you get upset about something how do you let that emotion out? Do you journal? Go on the hunt for a victim? Whats your take on bitterness?
SOUND OFF!
When that statement was said I jerked back and thoughts flooded in. It was true. When you are being bitter about something it's hurts you more first and then you try to put the feelings out on others. I couldn't understand how this statement was the pure explanation of people in my life and it had also explained a lot and opened my eyes to reasons why people treated me the way they did and said the things they said. In the end they were hurting ten times more than I was after they'd attacked.
I have been the plate that a lot of people have spilled their hurt and anger on to make themselves feel better which is why I don't think I cry. Bitter people have made me stronger. I have never seen myself as bitter. I have never let anything tear me up so bad that I took that anger out on others. I found myself always in someone else line of fire because I didn't have the episodes of bitterness they did.
Now, many become bitter because they are harboring feelings of something that they should have either addressed or gotten over, however, they decided not to speak on it and to hold back their reactions. Now I am one that I always thought it was was something people wanted just to fuck with me to get me to break but I would not entertain those situations by giving reaction. I journaled. I journaled like there was no tomorrow. I felt someone pissed me off, picked on me, made me feel worthless, blamed me, cheated me, taunted me ... I JOURNALED. I had exactly 47 black and white composition books over the course of seven years that I held my frustrations and annoyances in.
Before I threw the journals away I wanted to read them and when I'd sat down with my big bag of M&M's I opened the first page and read the first sentence. I closed the book and realized that these would go into the garbage never to be read because that first page was something I had completely forgot about and the first sentence brought all the memories back and I didn't want to journal about reading my journals! They were good things to me and reading them I thought would just turn them into my enemies.
I then realized that if my journals could talk they would only see me as a bitter human being because I only shared with them what I dislike, who I disliked, and why. But I felt that my bitterness was better put onto a journal than onto other people.
Readers. You may not see yourself as bitter but when you get upset about something how do you let that emotion out? Do you journal? Go on the hunt for a victim? Whats your take on bitterness?
SOUND OFF!
Thursday, April 7, 2011
YES, I'm Selfish, but...
Hello All! My name is Big Sister Grenade and I am SELFISH. Yes, I am admitting it. Now before you go judging me, I must inform you that I'm a very giving person (lol). For example, family, friends, Katrina and Japan relief victims, etc. I help out when I can financially. On the other hand, I'm selfish when it comes to the man I'm dating or should I say my man.
I do not believe in sharing a man that I'm in a relationship with. You can have a crush on him and dream the biggest dreams in reference to him, but it's best to keep it all to yourself. If a chick decides to blow a kiss his way he bet not catch it. If a chick is walking towards our direction staring him down he has no reason to make eye contact. As stated in a previous topic some females are ignorant and will do anything to pull the pin out of this grenade. There's plenty of fish in the sea just don't mess with mine. Go out and find your own man.
I'm not one to fight over any man unless their my blood relatives. Yes, you heard me right. Any man that believe it's my duty to fight or even waste my breathe disputing about him with another woman (his mother, other family members, baby mommas, etc.) can keep it moving. I don't share and I definitely do not have time to waste my breath or energy on nonsense. I'm quick to leave a guy right where he is standing if I have to. It's not a secret neither. I'll pack my things in his face all while Jagged Edge is playing (insider ... lol) and will be sure to leave the keys at the front door.
No, I am not the jealous type and never allowed that term to become a part of my character neither. However, I do believe in a thing called respect. I respect him and I demand respect back. I do not think that's too much to ask for. This selfishness derived from past and present day experiences. I have been in sitautaions where a guy felt as if he needed to please is childs mother in order to be happy in our former relationship. Then, I later found myself in a situation where this one guy believed he was the ladies man, he needed everyone else outside of us to stroke his ego. So as you can see I'm selfish and feel as if I have a right be, but it can easily be detoured.
Don't judge me I'm still in my growing process (lol).
*************************
I wasn't going to even get in on this one but I must say something! lol
Hello, I am Lil Sis Grenade and I am NOT Selfish. Yeah, yeah I know ... but you can stop your thinking. I DONT SHARE MY HUSBAND PHYSICALLY. However even my own husband think I need to be a bit more selfish over him.
I grew up where I didn't mind going to the club or parties and watching my husband enjoy himself while dancing with other women. It's been times we were walking around and another woman has brushed up against him or grabbed his ass and he would look at me and ask me did I see and I wouldn't but I didn't mind. I don't mind if he looks at another woman because thats just general nature of a human. You see something that interest you, you look.
This is my take. I do not get upset or offended with my husband on things that I would not want him to get upset with me about. Now, no, I don't brush up against other men nor do I grab their butt but I may occasionally glance in the the direction of the man if something about him caught my eye. Now do I want my husband to flip the fuck out and we argue? No. If I go to a club and I am dancing with another guy do I want my husband to hold that over my head? No. So why would I do that to him?
I am alright with another woman having a little crush on him because I find it amusing that women actually want what I have. I don't get upset but I do inform the woman that it will not go any further than a crush and to understand that it would never be more than that. That normally crushes their crush and then we're back to normal.
I have never been the type to get upset about things like that which is why I think my relationship lasted so long. I do not find the things some people get pissed about disrespectful because that's just not me.
Now for our Readers whats your take? Are you selfish like Big Sis Grenade or are you more laid back like Lil Sis?
SOUND OFF!
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
I'm Grown Now
This post is for the people older than we are to understand that WE ARE GROWN NOW.
Grown is often considered that you are no longer under the supervision of anyone. You are free to make decisions on your own and don't have to answer to anyone but the Big Man upstairs. The only rules followed are ones you made yourself. Everyone who used to make the rules for you can only give you advice. Sounds fun.
Everyone claims to be grown before they really are and I am definitely guilty of that. Going away to college doesn't make you grown if you come back home after graduation or when you decided college wasn't the right move for you. Having a baby and thinking that you only have to care for yourself but you need the help of those around you.
Paying a bill or two and claiming that everytime you are confronted as not being grown is another sign that you are not.
I had been out on my own for a while then when I finally came across my Grown reality when I would get paid and every penny I made went to a bill. There was no shopping, going out the eat, getting my nails done and my very last dime hit the just right amount for a pack of pampers. My account literally was down to 17 cent and I had two weeks until the next time I was to be paid. Gas would have to come from giving people rides to where they needed to go and food would come from in-laws who didn't mind giving $100 from their link to help out.
I had a big problem with people knowing I was struggling. Even though I paid my bills, the heat and lights were still being threatened to be turned off. Cell phones were paid before anything else because I didn't want anyone to know that I was struggling as bad as I was. I never knew it was possible to be in the position I was in because my parents had never let me see any struggle if there was any.
It was in that moment that I realized that I was grown and the fact I did everything because I knew that it was right. I knew these things were needed for my familys' survival. That's when I learned the word NO. I saw that there was no one there just offering a handout. If I didn't ask for help the need went unnoticed.
That's where I found myself saying I am able to ask for help and say Thank You afterward. I am able to make my own decision on if I want to stop doing something or if I want to start something new. I no longer need to explain myself to anyone and nothing is mandatory unless I say it is. I can honestly say it feels damn good. For years I was unsure of how to handle situations unless I got advice from grown people and now I handle situations my own way .
My point is being grown isn't all fun and games its probably one of the scariest moments in life when you figure it out but it changes your life.
Big Sis when did you know you were grown?
Well Lil' Sis, I grew up very quickly while in college. I must admit I was a dare devil and made a lot of decisions without thinking them through. I went from living the party life, working a minimum wage job, and allowing our parents to flip the bill on my car note to working two nice jobs, also, having work study, no longer partying, pay rents, car note and a billion other bills. Man it was hecked, but I persevered. The decline in the economy practically destroyed my life. It forced me to make the decision to return home.
Yes, I am grown mentally and age wise, but I still have a lot growing up to do within myself. Ask me this question when I'm 30 years of age and maybe I will be able to provide you a proper answer. By then I will be on my feet living my life as I dreamt it would be with a few added bonuses...lol.
SOUND OFF...Ladies and gentlemen when did you discover that you were grown? Or are you like Big Sister Grenade where she's still growing up within herself? We would love to hear from you, our fabulous readers.
Grown is often considered that you are no longer under the supervision of anyone. You are free to make decisions on your own and don't have to answer to anyone but the Big Man upstairs. The only rules followed are ones you made yourself. Everyone who used to make the rules for you can only give you advice. Sounds fun.
Everyone claims to be grown before they really are and I am definitely guilty of that. Going away to college doesn't make you grown if you come back home after graduation or when you decided college wasn't the right move for you. Having a baby and thinking that you only have to care for yourself but you need the help of those around you.
Paying a bill or two and claiming that everytime you are confronted as not being grown is another sign that you are not.
I had been out on my own for a while then when I finally came across my Grown reality when I would get paid and every penny I made went to a bill. There was no shopping, going out the eat, getting my nails done and my very last dime hit the just right amount for a pack of pampers. My account literally was down to 17 cent and I had two weeks until the next time I was to be paid. Gas would have to come from giving people rides to where they needed to go and food would come from in-laws who didn't mind giving $100 from their link to help out.
I had a big problem with people knowing I was struggling. Even though I paid my bills, the heat and lights were still being threatened to be turned off. Cell phones were paid before anything else because I didn't want anyone to know that I was struggling as bad as I was. I never knew it was possible to be in the position I was in because my parents had never let me see any struggle if there was any.
It was in that moment that I realized that I was grown and the fact I did everything because I knew that it was right. I knew these things were needed for my familys' survival. That's when I learned the word NO. I saw that there was no one there just offering a handout. If I didn't ask for help the need went unnoticed.
That's where I found myself saying I am able to ask for help and say Thank You afterward. I am able to make my own decision on if I want to stop doing something or if I want to start something new. I no longer need to explain myself to anyone and nothing is mandatory unless I say it is. I can honestly say it feels damn good. For years I was unsure of how to handle situations unless I got advice from grown people and now I handle situations my own way .
My point is being grown isn't all fun and games its probably one of the scariest moments in life when you figure it out but it changes your life.
Big Sis when did you know you were grown?
Well Lil' Sis, I grew up very quickly while in college. I must admit I was a dare devil and made a lot of decisions without thinking them through. I went from living the party life, working a minimum wage job, and allowing our parents to flip the bill on my car note to working two nice jobs, also, having work study, no longer partying, pay rents, car note and a billion other bills. Man it was hecked, but I persevered. The decline in the economy practically destroyed my life. It forced me to make the decision to return home.
Yes, I am grown mentally and age wise, but I still have a lot growing up to do within myself. Ask me this question when I'm 30 years of age and maybe I will be able to provide you a proper answer. By then I will be on my feet living my life as I dreamt it would be with a few added bonuses...lol.
SOUND OFF...Ladies and gentlemen when did you discover that you were grown? Or are you like Big Sister Grenade where she's still growing up within herself? We would love to hear from you, our fabulous readers.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
A Family???
Growing up I always wanted to have a big family. Five kids, all boys, was the plan...well until I realized how much work hard work it would take to fulfill those shoes. The idea changed after watching my parents start all over by raising four of their eight grandchildren. Then I never found the perfect guy who I thought would be a great father for my unborn children. No, I was not searching for prince charming or anything. Just someone who will be responsible and not have to depend on his parents to financially support his family; mainly his child(ren).
I broke the family norm (some call it curse) by waiting to even think about becoming pregnant. I've finished school and did a great deal traveling. I became an adult much sooner than I wanted. Being a broke college student would do that to you. I placed my goals and thoughts of a career before the idea of a family. I wanted to be stable before bringing a life into this world.
I've dated men who openly made it clear that they wanted a family. Many felt that I was the one, but the feelings wasn't mutual. A lot of times I wouldn't call the guy back after the first date. Other times I would express verbally my thoughts on children. Plus, I did not like that it became a topic on the first outing. Usually the roles are reversed and woman is the one to talk about children and the guy would run and hide. But with me I'm a different breed, I only know one other person like myself and that's my cousin, Bunny.
Now do not get me wrong. Yes, I do understand that there is no perfect man out here. However, I do believe that there are some very close to my idea of what perfect means. I stopped thinking about it and decided to allow God to do His thing. Ideally He has the ultimate say anyway.
I broke the family norm (some call it curse) by waiting to even think about becoming pregnant. I've finished school and did a great deal traveling. I became an adult much sooner than I wanted. Being a broke college student would do that to you. I placed my goals and thoughts of a career before the idea of a family. I wanted to be stable before bringing a life into this world.
I've dated men who openly made it clear that they wanted a family. Many felt that I was the one, but the feelings wasn't mutual. A lot of times I wouldn't call the guy back after the first date. Other times I would express verbally my thoughts on children. Plus, I did not like that it became a topic on the first outing. Usually the roles are reversed and woman is the one to talk about children and the guy would run and hide. But with me I'm a different breed, I only know one other person like myself and that's my cousin, Bunny.
Now do not get me wrong. Yes, I do understand that there is no perfect man out here. However, I do believe that there are some very close to my idea of what perfect means. I stopped thinking about it and decided to allow God to do His thing. Ideally He has the ultimate say anyway.
My plans for life and many of my set goals were detoured when I decided to settle down with my honey. Yes, we've discussed having children and other options in the event that we're unable to. Right now just is not the time. Hell I'm still rearing and teaching him the ways of life. Once I'm done then maybe we can create some mini me's. I always said I need to have at least three before my thirtieth birthday. After thirty I have plans on being fit; two piece bikini and all (lol). Geesh, I just realized I have less than five years to accomplish this goal. My twenty-fifth birthday is around the darn corner.
I have yet to sit and analyze my reasons for finding the prefect father. Maybe it is because my father wasn't there, but my DADDY was. I don't know ... I do not feel that a man is obligated to wipe another man's child ass. He can easily walk away. Yeah maybe this was the reason for me to search for the perfect father. Yes, I understand that relationships do not always work out, but that should not stop a man from raising his offspring.
SOUND OFF ...
Ladies, what were/are your dreams of a family? Did it go as planned? Is your child(ren) father(s) actively involved in their lives?
Friday, March 18, 2011
The Holy Bible
Last year in the month of October I made the decision to challenge myself by reading the Bible within one year. No one else, just me, myself and I. I figured hey if I can sit and read a black author written book within one hour, then I can read and study the Holy Bible in less than one year.
Before getting started my thoughts were positive ones. Well, except one; I knew I had to keep an open mind because this book was still written by man. Not only that, it has been translated and interpreted so many times. What I mean by that is the mere fact that most languages cannot be translated completely into another (mainly American English). I have never heard of any negative things about the book. And that is what lead me to strong curiosity about one of the most controversial books in the world.
So after finally opening the book and getting deep into the book of Genesis, I had to stop numerous times because I was in great disbelief at what I was reading. The disbelief lead to a lot of questions. So I called my daddy a few times and he helped me to better understand what I was reading and why. Once finishing the good ol' book of Genesis, I searched through the preface and the entire back portion of the Bible seeking some type of DISCLAIMER. I can tell you that I definitely was not ready for what I was and still am reading.
Reading the Holy Bible is like watching a lifetime movie. There is so much drama and suspense. Sometimes I do not know if I should turn the page or close the book completely. I must admit at one point I did close the book, but then it hit me ... there is a reason why I need to continue reading it. I am gaining so must insight on how life and various cultures were back then. Everything that is written in the Old Testament is like dejavu. We all see it happening right now in present day. I am serious, everything from adultery to incest, slavery to genocide, voyeurism to rape and I can go on.
I personally would recommend everyone to develop and participate in a one year reading plan. There are a lot of churches doing this. Although, there is so much drama and questionable controversy it is a great read. However, I would not recommend children reading the Holy Bible, until they are capable of fully understanding what they are reading.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
The Mouths of Babies
Little Girls' Letter to Wayne, Rap Mogul
"Letter to Lil Wayne" is a direct statement of justice from Watoto From The Nile. Growing tired and fed up with the constant degredation of Black women inside of Hip Hop music, they voice thier views and opinions on this melodic track.
We came across this video while searching the internet and immediately fell in love with the message. We thought that this positive song can possibly influence Lil' Wayne and the likes of others to stop degrading women in their music. Ladies, we should all take heed of their example and let our voices be heard across the world for positive music.
"Letter to Lil Wayne" is a direct statement of justice from Watoto From The Nile. Growing tired and fed up with the constant degredation of Black women inside of Hip Hop music, they voice thier views and opinions on this melodic track.
We came across this video while searching the internet and immediately fell in love with the message. We thought that this positive song can possibly influence Lil' Wayne and the likes of others to stop degrading women in their music. Ladies, we should all take heed of their example and let our voices be heard across the world for positive music.
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