This post is for the people older than we are to understand that WE ARE GROWN NOW.
Grown is often considered that you are no longer under the supervision of anyone. You are free to make decisions on your own and don't have to answer to anyone but the Big Man upstairs. The only rules followed are ones you made yourself. Everyone who used to make the rules for you can only give you advice. Sounds fun.
Everyone claims to be grown before they really are and I am definitely guilty of that. Going away to college doesn't make you grown if you come back home after graduation or when you decided college wasn't the right move for you. Having a baby and thinking that you only have to care for yourself but you need the help of those around you.
Paying a bill or two and claiming that everytime you are confronted as not being grown is another sign that you are not.
I had been out on my own for a while then when I finally came across my Grown reality when I would get paid and every penny I made went to a bill. There was no shopping, going out the eat, getting my nails done and my very last dime hit the just right amount for a pack of pampers. My account literally was down to 17 cent and I had two weeks until the next time I was to be paid. Gas would have to come from giving people rides to where they needed to go and food would come from in-laws who didn't mind giving $100 from their link to help out.
I had a big problem with people knowing I was struggling. Even though I paid my bills, the heat and lights were still being threatened to be turned off. Cell phones were paid before anything else because I didn't want anyone to know that I was struggling as bad as I was. I never knew it was possible to be in the position I was in because my parents had never let me see any struggle if there was any.
It was in that moment that I realized that I was grown and the fact I did everything because I knew that it was right. I knew these things were needed for my familys' survival. That's when I learned the word NO. I saw that there was no one there just offering a handout. If I didn't ask for help the need went unnoticed.
That's where I found myself saying I am able to ask for help and say Thank You afterward. I am able to make my own decision on if I want to stop doing something or if I want to start something new. I no longer need to explain myself to anyone and nothing is mandatory unless I say it is. I can honestly say it feels damn good. For years I was unsure of how to handle situations unless I got advice from grown people and now I handle situations my own way .
My point is being grown isn't all fun and games its probably one of the scariest moments in life when you figure it out but it changes your life.
Big Sis when did you know you were grown?
Well Lil' Sis, I grew up very quickly while in college. I must admit I was a dare devil and made a lot of decisions without thinking them through. I went from living the party life, working a minimum wage job, and allowing our parents to flip the bill on my car note to working two nice jobs, also, having work study, no longer partying, pay rents, car note and a billion other bills. Man it was hecked, but I persevered. The decline in the economy practically destroyed my life. It forced me to make the decision to return home.
Yes, I am grown mentally and age wise, but I still have a lot growing up to do within myself. Ask me this question when I'm 30 years of age and maybe I will be able to provide you a proper answer. By then I will be on my feet living my life as I dreamt it would be with a few added bonuses...lol.
SOUND OFF...Ladies and gentlemen when did you discover that you were grown? Or are you like Big Sister Grenade where she's still growing up within herself? We would love to hear from you, our fabulous readers.
Showing posts with label Parents. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Parents. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
Is the Blood on my Hands?
A few years back I used to be cool with a group chicks who were raised under the Protestant Christian faith. After hanging with them a few times I later grew to learned that they were some very promiscuous beings. What tripped me out is the fact that their parents were super religious and sung joyfully for the Lord. Anyways back to them ... these chicks were getting pregnant left and right, but would immediately abort the fetus because they didn't want their parents to find out.
Well, one of the chicks got pregnant by her then boyfriend and decided to abort the fetus because she felt that if she kept the baby she wouldn't be able to go off to college. Although, the then boyfriend wanted her to keep the baby she still went behind his back and did it anyway. She needed someone to go with her and so I did - for moral support. I was being a 'friend' and as much as I am against abortions she needed someone to be there.
All while heading there and even the evening before I did my best to discourage her from doing so. It didn't work and after hours of sitting in the waiting room at a Plan Parent Hood it dawn on me that since I was there supporting her that I am just as guilty as she.
The thoughts of it destroyed me on the inside. I felt as if I was the murderer. I cried for days and later seek counseling from my pastor. During the session I reminder him of the story of Judas when he sold Christ (silly me because he knew the Bible very well) for a few pieces of silver. I explained to him in great detail that my heart was overwhelmed with pain and grief. And I wasn't sure of how to deal with it. He informed me that the blood was NOT on my hands. She along with the doctors, who performed the operation, will have to go before the judge, our lord and savior, for what they have done. He reassured me that I was being just that a 'friend', even though it went against my beliefs, religion, and morals.
Up until that day I ask God to forgive me for even being there in that waiting room. I never thought that that would haunt me as much as it did. I've always heard stories of people who've had it done; many regret it and others are happy about their decision. I personally have always been a pro-life supporter. I believe there is no need to abort the life of someone who did not ask to be created. I look at it like this hey my mom gave me the opportunity to breathe and I will do the same once God blesses me with a few little ones.
I sometimes wonder if my former 'friend' think about it. Do she know that her child could have grown to become a future president, a renowned doctor, a scientist to discover the cure for HIV/AIDS, or billionaire. This world is full of opportunities.
*******************************************************
I am pro-choice. I believe that a woman has the right to choose whether or not she wants to carry a child, give birth, then raise a child. This is not an easy job seeing that I have carried two children. There is a lot to think about in the process of having a baby . Not all women just sleep around and then don't want to take care of the consequences. Some woman actually take the necessary precautions not to get pregnant and whether due to failure of birth control or rape the woman becomes pregnant with a child they do not want.
Now going and getting an abortion knowing full well that when you were in bed enjoying yourself ... no one was protected ... and no one even mentioned protection. That's a messed up reason for aborting a child.
On the other hand, I am also pro-choice because of the fact that some women themselves sometimes have to chose as I once have to either carry the fetus or abort it for their own health. Though I chose to keep my child and deal with the constant doctors appointments, bed-rest and everything else that came along with my child.
However other women may not be that strong or have the health to really carry the baby and their only result is death or abortion. Why would it be ok for any one to tell a woman that choosing herself over the fetus she is carrying is wrong?
Whatever the reason for any woman choosing to abort her child is her own reason; whether for health reasons or even petty reasons it is and should be her own. In the end she will have to deal with the grief or consequence on her own no matter emotional or spiritual. No one or law should be able to dictate a woman's choice to the happenings of her own body.
We know that this is a touchy topic, but what are your thoughts on this situation? Have you ever had an abortion? If so, does it still cross your mind? Do you regret it or are you happy or should I say satisfied with you decision?
Well, one of the chicks got pregnant by her then boyfriend and decided to abort the fetus because she felt that if she kept the baby she wouldn't be able to go off to college. Although, the then boyfriend wanted her to keep the baby she still went behind his back and did it anyway. She needed someone to go with her and so I did - for moral support. I was being a 'friend' and as much as I am against abortions she needed someone to be there.
All while heading there and even the evening before I did my best to discourage her from doing so. It didn't work and after hours of sitting in the waiting room at a Plan Parent Hood it dawn on me that since I was there supporting her that I am just as guilty as she.
The thoughts of it destroyed me on the inside. I felt as if I was the murderer. I cried for days and later seek counseling from my pastor. During the session I reminder him of the story of Judas when he sold Christ (silly me because he knew the Bible very well) for a few pieces of silver. I explained to him in great detail that my heart was overwhelmed with pain and grief. And I wasn't sure of how to deal with it. He informed me that the blood was NOT on my hands. She along with the doctors, who performed the operation, will have to go before the judge, our lord and savior, for what they have done. He reassured me that I was being just that a 'friend', even though it went against my beliefs, religion, and morals.
Up until that day I ask God to forgive me for even being there in that waiting room. I never thought that that would haunt me as much as it did. I've always heard stories of people who've had it done; many regret it and others are happy about their decision. I personally have always been a pro-life supporter. I believe there is no need to abort the life of someone who did not ask to be created. I look at it like this hey my mom gave me the opportunity to breathe and I will do the same once God blesses me with a few little ones.
I sometimes wonder if my former 'friend' think about it. Do she know that her child could have grown to become a future president, a renowned doctor, a scientist to discover the cure for HIV/AIDS, or billionaire. This world is full of opportunities.
*******************************************************
I am pro-choice. I believe that a woman has the right to choose whether or not she wants to carry a child, give birth, then raise a child. This is not an easy job seeing that I have carried two children. There is a lot to think about in the process of having a baby . Not all women just sleep around and then don't want to take care of the consequences. Some woman actually take the necessary precautions not to get pregnant and whether due to failure of birth control or rape the woman becomes pregnant with a child they do not want.
Now going and getting an abortion knowing full well that when you were in bed enjoying yourself ... no one was protected ... and no one even mentioned protection. That's a messed up reason for aborting a child.
On the other hand, I am also pro-choice because of the fact that some women themselves sometimes have to chose as I once have to either carry the fetus or abort it for their own health. Though I chose to keep my child and deal with the constant doctors appointments, bed-rest and everything else that came along with my child.
However other women may not be that strong or have the health to really carry the baby and their only result is death or abortion. Why would it be ok for any one to tell a woman that choosing herself over the fetus she is carrying is wrong?
Whatever the reason for any woman choosing to abort her child is her own reason; whether for health reasons or even petty reasons it is and should be her own. In the end she will have to deal with the grief or consequence on her own no matter emotional or spiritual. No one or law should be able to dictate a woman's choice to the happenings of her own body.
We know that this is a touchy topic, but what are your thoughts on this situation? Have you ever had an abortion? If so, does it still cross your mind? Do you regret it or are you happy or should I say satisfied with you decision?
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Double Standards
"No boyfriends or dating until you are 16!"
I wonder how many girls have heard such a saying. I have! My daddy told me this and he meant it! Did I obey? No. Should I have? Honestly? No. I went through a few frogs to get my Prince and I'm afraid had I started at 16 I would still be putting my lipgloss on for some frogs!
But back to the words above ... I was not supposed to have a boyfriend until I was 16 nor was I supposed to date. I couldn't have a guy that was a friend come and sit on my couch until I was 16! I never understood the age 16 reference but I guess that's when the rule makers thought a girl was old enough to handle dating and it was passed down through the times and it skipped most households beside my own. However, I never dated seriously, long term until I turned 15 and shockingly my Dad approved. He only approved because he thought his threat that in order for me to become someones girlfriend the guy had to sit down and have a talk with him.
I remember oh so vividly of the night that happened! After months of me and the guy sitting on the porch together for hours my dad had friends over and said for me and the guy to go and sit in the kitchen. The guy was curious as to why it was his first time in my house ... I explained to him the rules my dad once laid out for him and when I turned my back he was gone out on the porch to my dad and his friends and had asked if he could speak with him about becoming my boyfriend. Me and Mother Grenade had our ears stuck to the door but couldn't hear much. We just knew that when he came back in he asked me if I would be his girl and I proudly accepted!
That wasn't the end though ...I guess I wasn't trustworthy because it went from sitting on the porch to only sitting in the kitchen, to sitting on separate couches in the front room to him sitting in a chair while I sat on my bed with the door wide open. How about having to show receipts with dates and timestamps from restaurants when we went out on dates ... Let me not forget being able to go to his house but having to take my little brother with me.
Speaking of Little Brothers ... here is where the double standard came in! He was 12 being encourage to have a girlfriend ... 13 when he got one and she was allowed to lay on the couch with him, sit in his room or rather lay in his room with the bedroom door closed. He was allowed to go out on dates and go to her house without another sibling around to inform our parents later of the happenings of the time spent away from home.
Did this initially bother me? No. Until I noticed that he was free to do as he pleased (innocently as far as I know) while I was still making sure the waiter gave us a receipt that had all the information I needed.
My sister and I often joked about the double standards in our household and often I wondered what affect those standards would have on my relationship. Maybe I didn't like my restrictions then and I still wouldn't choose certain ones for my own daughter but I do think that those restrictions strengthened my relationship with my now Husband because not many men would put up with a girl who came with so many rules, whose couch he didn't sit on until after their 1 year anniversary. A girl who every family member he met grilled and threatened him, who babysat for hours and asked for his assistance every step of the way.
I thank my parents for the restrictions because they ultimately became challenges I wouldn't have thought to put a guy through. I thank my husband for sticking it out and ultimately popping the big question! But I also thank my brother for just being there and being the reason for me hating double standards ... because every rule that was made I broke my neck not to break, and every challenge they put out I made sure I succeeded! Example: They asked for receipts with dates and timestamps, I also showed the timestamps on my bus cards! lol
....Big Sis, I Pulled the Grenade Pin ... Now You Can SOUND OFF...
Well, Lil Sis, I'm glad the rule maker's rules did not skip our home. I was the "tester child", so you did not have to bare witness to half of the rules as I had to. However, I am thankful because I watched as so many of my peers became pregnant, contracted a sexually transmitted infection, or did some things I just did not want to associate myself with.
I remember my first year of high school one evening I bought home a good guy friend of mine and before we could sit down and begin on our homework my dad politely asked for him to leave and never come back...then told him I would walk him to the bus stop just to make sure he made it out of the neighborhood safely. Yep!, my daddy put him out. I didn't understand if he got put out for being older then myself or because I invited him over before asking my parents permission...lol.
I think it took about two years or so before I could have any guys to stop the house after that situation. I was able to date more, but my parents had to meet the guy in order for me to go out on a date with me. If any guy had the audacity to blow the horn oh I wasn't going anywhere with him. He had to come and ring the door bell. This was my parents way of teaching me how a guy should respect me.
Yes, I experienced having my baby brother being a babysitter. However, I never had to take him out on a date with me, but if I had a guy over visiting while my parents were not home, yeah baby bro had to sit in the room with us. And when my parents returned home they knew everything from a to z because he told it all. Now, my brother gets away with so much because he is a guy. Until this day I complain to my parents about how wrong they are for letting him get away with murder. Their response as always 'he's a guy and its different'.
Those rules or should I say double standards that were instill in our household did a great deal of justice for the both of us. Those rules helped me choose not only the right man, but, also, determined my way of living.
SOUND OFF...What Do You Think? Do you believe the double standard rules are fair?
I wonder how many girls have heard such a saying. I have! My daddy told me this and he meant it! Did I obey? No. Should I have? Honestly? No. I went through a few frogs to get my Prince and I'm afraid had I started at 16 I would still be putting my lipgloss on for some frogs!
But back to the words above ... I was not supposed to have a boyfriend until I was 16 nor was I supposed to date. I couldn't have a guy that was a friend come and sit on my couch until I was 16! I never understood the age 16 reference but I guess that's when the rule makers thought a girl was old enough to handle dating and it was passed down through the times and it skipped most households beside my own. However, I never dated seriously, long term until I turned 15 and shockingly my Dad approved. He only approved because he thought his threat that in order for me to become someones girlfriend the guy had to sit down and have a talk with him.
I remember oh so vividly of the night that happened! After months of me and the guy sitting on the porch together for hours my dad had friends over and said for me and the guy to go and sit in the kitchen. The guy was curious as to why it was his first time in my house ... I explained to him the rules my dad once laid out for him and when I turned my back he was gone out on the porch to my dad and his friends and had asked if he could speak with him about becoming my boyfriend. Me and Mother Grenade had our ears stuck to the door but couldn't hear much. We just knew that when he came back in he asked me if I would be his girl and I proudly accepted!
That wasn't the end though ...I guess I wasn't trustworthy because it went from sitting on the porch to only sitting in the kitchen, to sitting on separate couches in the front room to him sitting in a chair while I sat on my bed with the door wide open. How about having to show receipts with dates and timestamps from restaurants when we went out on dates ... Let me not forget being able to go to his house but having to take my little brother with me.
Speaking of Little Brothers ... here is where the double standard came in! He was 12 being encourage to have a girlfriend ... 13 when he got one and she was allowed to lay on the couch with him, sit in his room or rather lay in his room with the bedroom door closed. He was allowed to go out on dates and go to her house without another sibling around to inform our parents later of the happenings of the time spent away from home.
Did this initially bother me? No. Until I noticed that he was free to do as he pleased (innocently as far as I know) while I was still making sure the waiter gave us a receipt that had all the information I needed.
My sister and I often joked about the double standards in our household and often I wondered what affect those standards would have on my relationship. Maybe I didn't like my restrictions then and I still wouldn't choose certain ones for my own daughter but I do think that those restrictions strengthened my relationship with my now Husband because not many men would put up with a girl who came with so many rules, whose couch he didn't sit on until after their 1 year anniversary. A girl who every family member he met grilled and threatened him, who babysat for hours and asked for his assistance every step of the way.
I thank my parents for the restrictions because they ultimately became challenges I wouldn't have thought to put a guy through. I thank my husband for sticking it out and ultimately popping the big question! But I also thank my brother for just being there and being the reason for me hating double standards ... because every rule that was made I broke my neck not to break, and every challenge they put out I made sure I succeeded! Example: They asked for receipts with dates and timestamps, I also showed the timestamps on my bus cards! lol
....Big Sis, I Pulled the Grenade Pin ... Now You Can SOUND OFF...
Well, Lil Sis, I'm glad the rule maker's rules did not skip our home. I was the "tester child", so you did not have to bare witness to half of the rules as I had to. However, I am thankful because I watched as so many of my peers became pregnant, contracted a sexually transmitted infection, or did some things I just did not want to associate myself with.
I remember my first year of high school one evening I bought home a good guy friend of mine and before we could sit down and begin on our homework my dad politely asked for him to leave and never come back...then told him I would walk him to the bus stop just to make sure he made it out of the neighborhood safely. Yep!, my daddy put him out. I didn't understand if he got put out for being older then myself or because I invited him over before asking my parents permission...lol.
I think it took about two years or so before I could have any guys to stop the house after that situation. I was able to date more, but my parents had to meet the guy in order for me to go out on a date with me. If any guy had the audacity to blow the horn oh I wasn't going anywhere with him. He had to come and ring the door bell. This was my parents way of teaching me how a guy should respect me.
Yes, I experienced having my baby brother being a babysitter. However, I never had to take him out on a date with me, but if I had a guy over visiting while my parents were not home, yeah baby bro had to sit in the room with us. And when my parents returned home they knew everything from a to z because he told it all. Now, my brother gets away with so much because he is a guy. Until this day I complain to my parents about how wrong they are for letting him get away with murder. Their response as always 'he's a guy and its different'.
Those rules or should I say double standards that were instill in our household did a great deal of justice for the both of us. Those rules helped me choose not only the right man, but, also, determined my way of living.
SOUND OFF...What Do You Think? Do you believe the double standard rules are fair?
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