No Longer the Excuse Maker

I thought just maybe he was the truth. Just maybe his 'sincerity' was so real. Or just maybe I wanted to love the way he made me feel. But no one wants to be miserable in any relationship, so I finally figured it out. He isn't the truth, he never was as sincere as he says and his definition of love equals pain.

It's such ashamed that I had became an excuse maker for a man whom I thought was a billion times more mature than when we dated in the high school. No, no, no... I was wrong big time. Constantly finding excuses as to why he did this or that.

I just had high hopes that his ignorance as to what it means to be a man or better yet a husband would one day change. However, it never did and I was strong enough to do what so many other women are afraid of and that is leave. Yes, I left empty handed; with only $0.47 in my checking account, one small suitcase, and three large duffel bags filled with clothes, shoes and purses. I walked away from all of the material possessions I owned (furniture, jewelry, electronics, etc).

And I haven't looked back neither. Why? Because I walked away with my dignity and the idea that I no longer have to be an excuse maker for a guy who lacks the knowledge of what it means to be a REAL man.

SOUND OFF ... Were or are you an excuse maker for guy who isn't worth the heartache you've experienced? Did you leave or are you still sticking out hoping for a change?

I'm Re-Training My Husband

The funniest statement I ever heard a woman in her 50's tell was "I raised my husband and both of my kids, now it's time to do me." When I heard that statement I laughed so hard. It was actually my first time hearing something like that. I thought once a man asked a woman to marry him, he would portray and act as an adult. Yeah, well, I am personally finding out that that is not true.

I am currently teaching my husband everything his mother did not, may have forgot to do, and revising a few things she mislead him on or about. I fault his mother because I witness her brag before a table of approximately ten to fifteen woman on how she encouraged her son to over-spend on material items. Teaching a child to have caviar taste with fishstick money is inappropriate. No, I do not have any children as of yet, but I do believe parents should be realistic about life.

Here is an idea of some of things I had to show him:

• Dirty socks goes into the laundry hamper not under the couch or bed, please do not stick them between, nor, under the couch cushions.
• After washing dishes please dry up all the pools of water your created while doing so.
• Everytime the garbage gets full take it out; I shouldn't have to ask or sometimes tell you repeatly to do so.
• Everytime you get paid, you do not need to go out and buy a new outfit and shoes to match. You already have enough.
• Please do not eat in bed. I already have to sweep up the crumbs behind you in the dining room.
• When doing laundry whites and reds should not be washed together.
• Clean the piss up off the floor after using the bathroom. Please and thank you!!!

Yes, he is an adult age wise, but sometimes I think he believes he's still in high school and other times he's much younger. I am analyzing my situation and believe I have a few more years of teaching to do. In the beginning it was tough, well, hell some days it still is. By the time we're in our thirties I will be able to pat myself on the back and say "job well done" (hopefully) ... lol. Pray for me y'all. Seriously, I really need it. I guess re-training him is preparing me when the time comes to begin rearing our children.

Ladies before saying 'I do', I advise you to do some research on your mates spending habits. Ask questions, especially referencing savings. Go around his family (suck it up even if you do not get along with them) they will tell you everything.

SOUND OFF ... Are you or did you have to raise or re-train your husband/spouse? If so, was it a tedious journey? I would love you hear your story.

'The Trend'

What's up with the "new trend"? I'm talking about men wanting to become females and the chicks acting like studs. It is not exactly a new trends. It has been around for generations. It's even talked about in the Bible. I called it the "new trend" because so many people are joining in. Now before I go any further I would like to say that we, the Sister Grenades, do not hold any hard feelings against individuals and their sexual preferences. It is not our duty to judge anyone about their life, lifestyle, nor, any other ways of living. Now that we've taken care of that lets get back to the issue at hand.

I hear many of you say that you were born that way. I almost believed Sigmund Freud's theory of female babies penis envy and male babies vagina envy could be the cause of people being born gay or lesbian. But then I later disregarded that thought and understood that it was his theory on why babies are attached to their parent of the opposite sex. If you were "born that way" why not be true yourself from day one?. Don't try being who your parents want you to be. I overheard a woman venting to another about how she would prefer for her daughter to be a whore rather than a lesbian. Those are hard words to swallow, but parents must realize that they cannot control their children, nor, their decisions. Just remember that you cannot hide in the closet forever. Everyone including your parents and other family members will pick up on you and your new trend.

Ladies, why wait until you've birthed seven kids by six different men to decide that another woman is what you desire? You know some of you are out here crushing your babies daddy(ies) hearts by leaving him for another woman. Some men will not be open about how they feel, but they are very resentful. However, their are men out there whose turned on about the idea of two woman dating. Is this the reason for joining in on the new trend? Or did you join in because your were being true to yourself? Or did you feel as if all men are dogs or that all the good men are taken?

According to an article posted in the L.A. Times, "there is an emerging generation of openly gay and lesbian athletes on high school and college campuses across the country…" In many high schools and most colleges females are mainly recruited by the studs or girls basketball team. Guys, on the other hand, have already adapted into the new trend long before entering high school. Ladies just because you play in a certain sport does not mean you have to become hard or join in on the new trend.  

So many of my peers and associates have told me stories about them experimenting with someone of the same sex. I was puzzled when by two of them because all they spoke about was men and how much they loved the 'D'. Years later those two are full fledged lesbians and are proud of it. I am still cool with them till this day. I just say hey I am happy for you being true to yourself. I have no problems with their lifestyles, nor who floats their boats the best.  

If you are going to be true to yourself, then do not double dip. Leave the down-low living to the birds and be open and honest. You cannot have your cake and eat it too. You have to choose one; either man or woman, not both. You will destroy lives and families by continuing to do so.

Do You Know His Social Security Number???

I've come across a great deal of females who believe it's okay to drop their panties without protection. Failing to realize the realities of life; babies and sexually transmitted infections. When it comes to the baby situation many of the females do not know anything more than the guys nickname. Once the baby is born the chick has an opportunity to apply government assistance to keep both healthy, but they (DHS) ask for the fathers information. And what do they know? Nothing, just his nickname or sometimes the first, but not his last name.

Girls will make sure they know his whole family and where everyone lives ... even the same information about the girl he's messing around with. But the title is about his SSN .... you will be lucky to find a girl who know the guy real name!

Let me be honest, never did I know the importance of a SSN until I learned my own and started applying for jobs and college. Soon as I noticed the importance I learned that it's the most public, but secret thing every person has. If a man released this information to you then you knew he trusted you! You knew that you were in a real relationship.

With that being said, if you know his SSN but it's because you took a sneak peak of the card while going threw his wallet and saved the number in your phone or you wrote it on a piece of paper when he left a job application sitting on the computer stand WHAT DOES THAT SAY ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP?

I knew my husbands SSN by the beginning of our third year ... it wasn't because he didn't want to tell me it was because I had never asked. When I'd asked he provided the information as if it was his phone number and I learned the importance of having this information from filling out personal information for him or providing the number to doctors and seeing the look on people faces because we were young and many had expressed that it was rare that the girl didn't have to call the guy for the number to provide the information later.

All in all it is utterly important to obtain his social security number whether you are married or the mother of his child(ren). It will benefit you more than you know. Now we are not saying ask for it and then open up credit cards or put a car or two in his name. That's not utilizing it wisely. We're telling you to be smart about it and do the right thing.

SOUND OFF... So do you know your man social security number? How did you go about obtaining?

YES, I'm Selfish, but...

Hello All! My name is Big Sister Grenade and I am SELFISH. Yes, I am admitting it. Now before you go judging me, I must inform you that I'm a very giving person (lol). For example, family, friends, Katrina and Japan relief victims, etc. I help out when I can financially. On the other hand, I'm selfish when it comes to the man I'm dating or should I say my man.

I do not believe in sharing a man that I'm in a relationship with. You can have a crush on him and dream the biggest dreams in reference to him, but it's best to keep it all to yourself. If a chick decides to blow a kiss his way he bet not catch it. If a chick is walking towards our direction staring him down he has no reason to make eye contact. As stated in a previous topic some females are ignorant and will do anything to pull the pin out of this grenade. There's plenty of fish in the sea just don't mess with mine. Go out and find your own man.

I'm not one to fight over any man unless their my blood relatives. Yes, you heard me right. Any man that believe it's my duty to fight or even waste my breathe disputing about him with another woman (his mother, other family members, baby mommas, etc.) can keep it moving. I don't share and I definitely do not have time to waste my breath or energy on nonsense. I'm quick to leave a guy right where he is standing if I have to. It's not a secret neither. I'll pack my things in his face all while Jagged Edge is playing (insider ... lol) and will be sure to leave the keys at the front door.

No, I am not the jealous type and never allowed that term to become a part of my character neither. However, I do believe in a thing called respect. I respect him and I demand respect back. I do not think that's too much to ask for. This selfishness derived from past and present day experiences. I have been in sitautaions where a guy felt as if he needed to please is childs mother in order to be happy in our former relationship. Then, I later found myself in a situation where this one guy believed he was the ladies man, he needed everyone else outside of us to stroke his ego. So as you can see I'm selfish and feel as if I have a right be, but it can easily be detoured.

Don't judge me I'm still in my growing process (lol).

*************************

I wasn't going to even get in on this one but I must say something! lol

Hello, I am Lil Sis Grenade and I am NOT Selfish. Yeah, yeah I know ... but you can stop your thinking. I DONT SHARE MY HUSBAND PHYSICALLY. However even my own husband think I need to be a bit more selfish over him.

I grew up where I didn't mind going to the club or parties and watching my husband enjoy himself while dancing with other women. It's been times we were walking around and another woman has brushed up against him or grabbed his ass and he would look at me and ask me did I see and I wouldn't but I didn't mind. I don't mind if he looks at another woman because thats just general nature of a human. You see something that interest you, you look.

This is my take. I do not get upset or offended with my husband on things that I would not want him to get upset with me about. Now, no, I don't brush up against other men nor do I grab their butt but I may occasionally glance in the the direction of the man if something about him caught my eye. Now do I want my husband to flip the fuck out and we argue? No. If I go to a club and I am dancing with another guy do I want my husband to hold that over my head? No. So why would I do that to him?

I am alright with another woman having a little crush on him because I find it amusing that women actually want what I have. I don't get upset but I do inform the woman that it will not go any further than a crush and to understand that it would never be more than that. That normally crushes their crush and then we're back to normal.

I have never been the type to get upset about things like that which is why I think my relationship lasted so long. I do not find the things some people get pissed about disrespectful because that's just not me.

Now for our Readers whats your take? Are you selfish like Big Sis Grenade or are you more laid back like Lil Sis?

SOUND OFF!

Arguments

I used to always hear the way you grew up hearing arguments will be the way you would argue. Then it was shown to me on the tv show Lets Stay Together where the engaged couple mimicked the argument style of their parents. One would just walk away from an argument and stay silent and let it fester ... the other was used to attempting to "talk" something out and then always found themselves screaming!

You have some people who says that they argue because they love someone, then you find that arguing is the only way to solve a problem.

We argue with our siblings, other family, friends, neighbors, significant others, co-workers, teachers, even other drivers. You can be over happy and then find yourself pissed the next minute. When things aren't always in your favor and you take the frustration out on someone else.

Most arguments start over the smallest things that blow up during confrontations that bring out thoughts that would not typically be revealed.

I argue with my husband, who doesn't. We argue if he farts in the car with all the windows up, who's going to change the shitty pamper, who will make that 5am bottle for the baby, why didn't one of us spray the bathroom when we came out, did you really leave the top off the toothpaste, why did you throw my face towel in the laundry bag, who's gonna pay the bills over the phone, why do I have to carry more bags from the car, who's gonna get the baby cup out the car, why would you use the last q-tip, drink the last cup of kool-aid, did you really not wash the dishes, who left the mayonnaise on the table!??!

Seems like petty reasons right? I felt the same way until Daddy Grenade heard one of our arguments and said: "I'm so glad y'all arguments aren't really over nothing big". That got me to thinking our arguments be less than five minutes long and typically end with us laughing or the other coming into the room giving a hug and kiss and tickling the other. I don't have the big money fights or the what time you get in spats, who's texting you talks, who was the girl/guy you had in the car arguments. I began to be happy about my small petty arguments.

SOUND OFF...

How big or small are your arguments? Do they fester for days or are they mended before you guys go to bed?

FB DRAMA REVEALED: FB The Relationship Destroyer?

 

FACEBOOK

"Facebook is a social utility that connects people with friends and others who work, study and live around them."

Yeah it sounds good. Right? Since FB spread its wings to larger populations in the past six years it has been known as the relationship destroyer. Men and woman both utilize the site to search for old school buddies, past-time flings, family and friends. The relationship status is available for the everyone to see. Whether an individual post the truth or lie it seems to cause a great deal of conflict on this social media site. With the constant changes in the privacy settings FB will continue to receive flack and couples will see increase in lack of privacy.

All too often I read articles about couples ending their relationships over password changes, secret messages from former girlfriends/boyfriends, or because someone disregarded the relationship status and wrote openly on the persons wall expressing whatever.

If you are married or in some form of committed relationship why is there an issue with passwords. If there are no secrets then you and your significant other should have access to each others passwords. (Some of you out there may feel differently about this. Comment or email us.)

Why send private messages that you know can cause a problem in your relationship? If you sending a friend your phone number or email address then that is acceptable means for private messaging. On the other hand, congratulating an ex or unknown friend on their pregnancy or new job is totally unacceptable. Any form of congratulations can be posted on that persons wall.

We all know that there are some ignorant people in this world which we live in. Females in particular will do and say anything to piss another chick off. Writing on someones wall expressing how attractive they are when you know his girlfriend will be seeing it in the news feed can cause a great of problems. Especially, if the guy does not nip it in the bud with that chick. I have personally seen this happen on a friend wall and his girl lost it. Their situation could have been avoided if the guy would have removed the chick or the girlfriend could have ignored it. But then again how many times can you overlook nonsense.

If it takes for both of you to deactivation or delete all of your social media accounts, then do it. Saving your relationship should be more important than FB. However, if you choose to continue doing you, then so be it. What's hidden in the dark will eventually come to light. 

I have always said I wonder how me and my husbands relationship would be if Facebook was popular in the year we started dating. I didn't have anything that I could go to and learn more than the little information I would get from him. I had nothing that I could see how his past relationship went and how he dealt with the break up. I didn't have anything that would show me photos of how he spent his money and if he spent more time with his friends than with his family. When we joined FB we were both in a relationship with each other and it had never changed.

Facebook is NOT the reason relationships are destroyed. It is simply a vehicle to get you through a relationship that was going no where faster. You find out that he's talking to other girls. He finds out that your the jealous type when you add every girl that's adding him or that he adds. You find out how he really feels in a relationship when you argue and he instantly post his response in his status. He finds out that you are writing notes and taking pictures to please another guy. You would have found these things out eventually. Facebook just helped you get through it.

Think of all the relationships before FB you have been in that lasted a long time and after you break up you realize you spent to much time in the relationship. Now look how fast you see people go through relationships. On some ends its a curse on others it's a blessing.

What do you think readers?

SOUND OFF!

Broken Relationships

It's a known factor that families tend to have the biggest drama. And will fight one another harder than they would someone off the street.

Breaking up to eventually make up seems to happen often, but what happens when the make up part is over looked?. Egos become too big to mend the broken relationship. No one wants to be the first to apologize. Majority of the time the confrontation begins the elders of the family and later picked up by the kids.

Although, I honestly do not know what happened to cause whatever the problem is, but let me be the first to say I AM SORRY. The situation has nothing to do with me, however, I'm choosing to be the bigger person. Why? Because I want this mess to end immediately. I figured if I be the first to do this then maybe this will influence, no better yet, encourage everyone else to join in and become one again. Keep in mind that blood is thicker than water and it's very hard to dilute it.


In the end we must understand that WE'RE ALL WE GOT.

Double Standards

"No boyfriends or dating until you are 16!"

I wonder how many girls have heard such a saying. I have! My daddy told me this and he meant it! Did I obey? No. Should I have? Honestly? No. I went through  a few frogs to get my Prince and I'm afraid had I started at 16 I would still be putting my lipgloss on for some frogs!

But back to the words above ... I was not supposed to have a boyfriend until I was 16 nor was I supposed to date. I couldn't have a guy that was a friend come and sit on my couch until I was 16! I never understood the age 16 reference but I guess that's when the rule makers thought a girl was old enough to handle dating and it was passed down through the times and it skipped most households beside my own. However, I never dated seriously, long term until I turned 15 and shockingly my Dad approved. He only approved because he thought his threat that in order for me to become someones girlfriend the guy had to sit down and have a talk with him.

I remember oh so vividly of the night that happened! After months of me and the guy sitting on the porch together for hours my dad had friends over and said for me and the guy to go and sit in the kitchen. The guy was curious as to why it was his first time in my house ... I explained to him the rules my dad once laid out for him and when I turned my back he was gone out on the porch to my dad and his friends and had asked if he could speak with him about becoming my boyfriend. Me and Mother Grenade had our ears stuck to the door but couldn't hear much. We just knew that when he came back in he asked me if I would be his girl and I proudly accepted!

That wasn't the end though ...I guess I wasn't trustworthy because it went from sitting on the porch to only sitting in the kitchen, to sitting on separate couches in the front room to him sitting in a chair while I sat on my bed with the door wide open. How about having to show receipts with dates and timestamps from restaurants when we went out on dates ... Let me not forget being able to go to his house but having to take my little brother with me.

Speaking of Little Brothers ... here is where the double standard came in! He was 12 being encourage to have a girlfriend ... 13 when he got one and she was allowed to lay on the couch with him, sit in his room or rather lay in his room with the bedroom door closed. He was allowed to go out on dates and go to her house without another sibling around to inform our parents later of the happenings of the time spent away from home.

Did this initially bother me? No. Until I noticed that he was free to do as he pleased (innocently as far as I know) while I was still making sure the waiter gave us a receipt that had all the information I needed.

My sister and I often joked about the double standards in our household and often I wondered what affect those standards would have on my relationship. Maybe I didn't like my restrictions then and I still wouldn't choose certain ones for my own daughter but I do think that those restrictions strengthened my relationship with my now Husband because not  many men would put up with a girl who came with so many rules, whose couch he didn't sit on until after their 1 year anniversary. A girl who every family member he met grilled and threatened him, who babysat for hours and asked for his assistance every step of the way.

I thank my parents for the restrictions because they ultimately became challenges I wouldn't have thought to put a guy through. I thank my husband for sticking it out and ultimately popping the big question! But I also thank my brother for just being there and being the reason for me hating double standards ... because every rule that was made I broke my neck not to break, and every challenge they put out I made sure I succeeded! Example: They asked for receipts with dates and timestamps, I also showed the timestamps on my bus cards! lol

....Big Sis, I Pulled the Grenade Pin ... Now You Can SOUND OFF...

Well, Lil Sis, I'm glad the rule maker's rules did not skip our home. I was the "tester child", so you did not have to bare witness to half of the rules as I had to. However, I am thankful because I watched as so many of my peers became pregnant, contracted a sexually transmitted infection, or did some things I just did not want to associate myself with.

I remember my first year of high school one evening I bought home a good guy friend of mine and before we could sit down and begin on our homework my dad politely asked for him to leave and never come back...then told him I would walk him to the bus stop just to make sure he made it out of the neighborhood safely. Yep!, my daddy put him out. I didn't understand if he got put out for being older then myself or because I invited him over before asking my parents permission...lol.

I think it took about two years or so before I could have any guys to stop the house after that situation. I was able to date more, but my parents had to meet the guy in order for me to go out on a date with me. If any guy had the audacity to blow the horn oh I wasn't going anywhere with him. He had to come and ring the door bell. This was my parents way of teaching me how a guy should respect me.

Yes, I experienced having my baby brother being a babysitter. However, I never had to take him out on a date with me, but if I had a guy over visiting while my parents were not home, yeah baby bro had to sit in the room with us. And when my parents returned home they knew everything from a to z because he told it all. Now, my brother gets away with so much because he is a guy. Until this day I complain to my parents about how wrong they are for letting him get away with murder. Their response as always 'he's a guy and its different'.

Those rules or should I say double standards that were instill in our household did a great deal of justice for the both of us. Those rules helped me choose not only the right man, but, also, determined my way of living.

SOUND OFF...What Do You Think? Do you believe the double standard rules are fair?