Dedication to Our Favorite Girl

 

On this day back in 1968 God blessed the world with the most fabulous gift ever; our Mom (Mother Grenade). Today is her special day and we wanted to dedicate a poem to Our Favorite Girl.

Visionary Mom Mom, on your birthday
I celebrate you being you,
my extraordinary mother.
You have made such a difference,
created so much good in my life!
I celebrate your smart mothering,
your clever, creative methods
of gently molding your beloved child
into your vision of me:
a strong, capable adult,
an unselfish person of good character.
I celebrate your boundless
physical and emotional energy...
loving me, leading me, supporting me,
lifting me when I fall.
On your birthday, Mom,
I celebrate the best thing about my life...
having you as my mother. By Joanna Fuchshttp://www.poemsource.com/mother-birthday-poems.html

We just wanted to honor her for the woman she is today. Thank You Mother Grenade and most of all HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

Double Standards

"No boyfriends or dating until you are 16!"

I wonder how many girls have heard such a saying. I have! My daddy told me this and he meant it! Did I obey? No. Should I have? Honestly? No. I went through  a few frogs to get my Prince and I'm afraid had I started at 16 I would still be putting my lipgloss on for some frogs!

But back to the words above ... I was not supposed to have a boyfriend until I was 16 nor was I supposed to date. I couldn't have a guy that was a friend come and sit on my couch until I was 16! I never understood the age 16 reference but I guess that's when the rule makers thought a girl was old enough to handle dating and it was passed down through the times and it skipped most households beside my own. However, I never dated seriously, long term until I turned 15 and shockingly my Dad approved. He only approved because he thought his threat that in order for me to become someones girlfriend the guy had to sit down and have a talk with him.

I remember oh so vividly of the night that happened! After months of me and the guy sitting on the porch together for hours my dad had friends over and said for me and the guy to go and sit in the kitchen. The guy was curious as to why it was his first time in my house ... I explained to him the rules my dad once laid out for him and when I turned my back he was gone out on the porch to my dad and his friends and had asked if he could speak with him about becoming my boyfriend. Me and Mother Grenade had our ears stuck to the door but couldn't hear much. We just knew that when he came back in he asked me if I would be his girl and I proudly accepted!

That wasn't the end though ...I guess I wasn't trustworthy because it went from sitting on the porch to only sitting in the kitchen, to sitting on separate couches in the front room to him sitting in a chair while I sat on my bed with the door wide open. How about having to show receipts with dates and timestamps from restaurants when we went out on dates ... Let me not forget being able to go to his house but having to take my little brother with me.

Speaking of Little Brothers ... here is where the double standard came in! He was 12 being encourage to have a girlfriend ... 13 when he got one and she was allowed to lay on the couch with him, sit in his room or rather lay in his room with the bedroom door closed. He was allowed to go out on dates and go to her house without another sibling around to inform our parents later of the happenings of the time spent away from home.

Did this initially bother me? No. Until I noticed that he was free to do as he pleased (innocently as far as I know) while I was still making sure the waiter gave us a receipt that had all the information I needed.

My sister and I often joked about the double standards in our household and often I wondered what affect those standards would have on my relationship. Maybe I didn't like my restrictions then and I still wouldn't choose certain ones for my own daughter but I do think that those restrictions strengthened my relationship with my now Husband because not  many men would put up with a girl who came with so many rules, whose couch he didn't sit on until after their 1 year anniversary. A girl who every family member he met grilled and threatened him, who babysat for hours and asked for his assistance every step of the way.

I thank my parents for the restrictions because they ultimately became challenges I wouldn't have thought to put a guy through. I thank my husband for sticking it out and ultimately popping the big question! But I also thank my brother for just being there and being the reason for me hating double standards ... because every rule that was made I broke my neck not to break, and every challenge they put out I made sure I succeeded! Example: They asked for receipts with dates and timestamps, I also showed the timestamps on my bus cards! lol

....Big Sis, I Pulled the Grenade Pin ... Now You Can SOUND OFF...

Well, Lil Sis, I'm glad the rule maker's rules did not skip our home. I was the "tester child", so you did not have to bare witness to half of the rules as I had to. However, I am thankful because I watched as so many of my peers became pregnant, contracted a sexually transmitted infection, or did some things I just did not want to associate myself with.

I remember my first year of high school one evening I bought home a good guy friend of mine and before we could sit down and begin on our homework my dad politely asked for him to leave and never come back...then told him I would walk him to the bus stop just to make sure he made it out of the neighborhood safely. Yep!, my daddy put him out. I didn't understand if he got put out for being older then myself or because I invited him over before asking my parents permission...lol.

I think it took about two years or so before I could have any guys to stop the house after that situation. I was able to date more, but my parents had to meet the guy in order for me to go out on a date with me. If any guy had the audacity to blow the horn oh I wasn't going anywhere with him. He had to come and ring the door bell. This was my parents way of teaching me how a guy should respect me.

Yes, I experienced having my baby brother being a babysitter. However, I never had to take him out on a date with me, but if I had a guy over visiting while my parents were not home, yeah baby bro had to sit in the room with us. And when my parents returned home they knew everything from a to z because he told it all. Now, my brother gets away with so much because he is a guy. Until this day I complain to my parents about how wrong they are for letting him get away with murder. Their response as always 'he's a guy and its different'.

Those rules or should I say double standards that were instill in our household did a great deal of justice for the both of us. Those rules helped me choose not only the right man, but, also, determined my way of living.

SOUND OFF...What Do You Think? Do you believe the double standard rules are fair?

Your Man's Mom is His DIARY!

DEAR MOMMY...I MEAN DIARY...

Ladies, we all may have dated or are currently dating a guy who is very close to his mom. So close, you are not sure who jocks his cock the most, you or her. We've been in situations where you are not sure if it is a relationship between only you and him or you, him, and her.

Well I dated this guy a few years back who called his mommy for everything, and I mean E-VE-RY-THING. Whether it was to pay his child support, student loans, HIS home mortgage, what he should have for dinner that evening..., and boy I could go on and on. He would even called to tell her about things I was doing, rather good or bad. I knew I had to get myself out of the situation when his mommy dearest would call and ask me how come I did not make her son's breakfast before he went to work? Or the time when she invited me over to help her cook Thanksgiving dinner. The witch had the nerve to ask me before even speaking to ask me "why I did not have any children? Because it was good for me to know that his daughter was her favorite and they (her and her husband) do not need anymore grandchildren." First thing that came to my mind was this witch has lost her mind. Do I cuss her out? Do I leave and let the matter be handled by her son? Well I decide to handle it on my own and my reply was "because I have yet to find a man that was good enough to father my children, that's why. Just so you know I still have yet to FIND HIM. Now do you have anymore questions?" Let's just say that that was the end of that conversation.

After all that I still gave him another chance, until one day I received a text from an ex and he just so happened to run across it in my phone...lol. Do you know he called his momma and told on me like I wasn't sitting there. Yes, he called his mom at four o'clock in the morning. That was a signal for me to pack my shit and go.

I have always been the type to give men a chance. Even when I know they are the only child or son. I try my best to keep my biases' out my new situations. The last few dating experiences have been troubling because the men tend to run to their mommies for unauthorized advice. Then later when shit begins to hit the fan you find yourself debating with a woman that is all to familiar with the problems that goes on in your relationship or maybe even in your home.

I never had a man to verbally admit that his mother was/ is his personal diary, but I have heard a few state she is his everything. When a man tell you that, Ladies, run like a dog is chasing you. Do not setup yourself up for a heart break. Men will show you early in the relationship what to expect when it comes to his mother. Take heed of and determine if that is something you are willing to live with.

Here are a few ways to keep that Diary out your relationship:

• Mutually agree with you guy/ husband in the beginning...anything that happens in your home and/or relationship stays between the two of you.
• Talk to your man, let him know how you feel about information being taken outside of the 'US' foundation.
• Have him to inform his mother of her place in life. This is when he MUST stand up to her. She may not like, but that is her problem.
• When she retires or gets old complaining that she wants her son to care for put her in a nursing home that will really keep her out of your business...Just Kidding, but if all else fail this is an option.
 

Sound Off...What do you think?

Monster-In-Law

We've all seen the movie, Monster-In-Law, starring Jane Fonda and Jennifer Lopez. Fonda plays the role of Viola Field, television host, who disagrees with her sons choice of bride, Charlie (Lopez). She does everything in her power to prevent her son from marrying Charlie. That movie seems all too close to a lot of our relationships. Whether it is the mother or the groom (more common) or the mother of the bride. Check out the movie trailer here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LlOoCwZQvMg

Prior to most of our nuptials the mother-in-law may have said some inappropriate things, put on a front before your significant other, invited the ex (the daughter in-law at heart) to the family gathering knowing you would be there, use social media outlets in attempt to hurt you or maybe even degrade your character. What did you do? How did you respond/ react? I'll tell you what I did, I took upon myself to tell her what was on my mind in the most respectful way. I had to come to peace with myself by letting her go. I needed to avoid any further confrontations with her and prevent any issues from stirring up in my relationship with my husband. Some women may think I went about that the wrong way, but who cares. I had to do what was best for me and mines.Nothing positive was ever going to develop in our relationship on my part, on the other hand, she may blossom from her phony ways. Now don't get me wrong I do participate in small talk and I'm very cordial just out of respect for my elders.


After a few personal issues of my own, I took it upon myself to research positive ways of dealing with my monster of a mother-in-law...lol. I was unsuccessful, however, I came across an article that some believe to be challenging. I set aside my bias' and read the short article and chuckled once finished. Read it for yourself How to get along with your evil Mother in Law | eHow.com. I personally would not abide by any of these, but there may someone who could benefit from this. One thing I did find funny was the links on the page, one was entitled, Daughter-In-Law Problems?...WHAT???

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I think Monster-In-Law is a strong name to give a woman who gave birth to the man you choose to marry. Now some may deserve it but out of general respect I would never call my MIL such a name. However, my situation in regards to my feelings and how I treat my MIL is different than most. She has not blatantly expressed her dislike of me constantly to anyone, she's has not taken it to social networks, she has not tried to set me up in situations she knew would make me uncomfortable ... Why? Because I didn't allow it. I knew that the feelings of my MIL were shady towards me because when enraged with my husband years before we were married I overheard an argument and which she spoke bad of me and I held on to that.

I always felt that things said to my husband was said to hurt him, but this time I think it hurt me more. Also, I know that during arguments is when real feelings are expressed. Years went by and I took heed to my feelings and expressed them to my husband before we married so that he understood why I would treated his mom the way I did.

Now let me say ... that argument I overheard was within the second year of me and my husbands soon to be seven year relationship. I never had a face to face problem with his mother, she was always polite to me and treated me as if I was another one of her children. I love her actually because if it wasn't for her I wouldn't be married to the man that I consider to be a great father and companion.

However going to the internet for advice on relationship problems has never been my style ... I simply look at the relationships around me and one distinct one showed me how I could best deal with my MIL. Because I was over trying to have a relationship with her because somethings she'd said I could never forgive I decided to keep my distance. I only see her when there is a gathering or we are picking up my children from spending a few hours ... I make sure that I still respect her ... I speak and keep any conversation very short and sweet.

The best way to deal with your MIL (whatever you may choose to use the "M" for) is to speak with your husband about what the problem is and see what he thinks about how the situation should be handled. Me. I do as my husband suggested ... Just don't disrespect her ... and that I don't. No matter what I have to do to make sure that doesn't happen, I do. In the end the relationship that matters is between you and him.