No Longer the Excuse Maker

I thought just maybe he was the truth. Just maybe his 'sincerity' was so real. Or just maybe I wanted to love the way he made me feel. But no one wants to be miserable in any relationship, so I finally figured it out. He isn't the truth, he never was as sincere as he says and his definition of love equals pain.

It's such ashamed that I had became an excuse maker for a man whom I thought was a billion times more mature than when we dated in the high school. No, no, no... I was wrong big time. Constantly finding excuses as to why he did this or that.

I just had high hopes that his ignorance as to what it means to be a man or better yet a husband would one day change. However, it never did and I was strong enough to do what so many other women are afraid of and that is leave. Yes, I left empty handed; with only $0.47 in my checking account, one small suitcase, and three large duffel bags filled with clothes, shoes and purses. I walked away from all of the material possessions I owned (furniture, jewelry, electronics, etc).

And I haven't looked back neither. Why? Because I walked away with my dignity and the idea that I no longer have to be an excuse maker for a guy who lacks the knowledge of what it means to be a REAL man.

SOUND OFF ... Were or are you an excuse maker for guy who isn't worth the heartache you've experienced? Did you leave or are you still sticking out hoping for a change?

The Big Debate

There is excitement when it comes to getting engaged, setting a date, wedding planning, and becoming one with your significant other. Every exciting thought come to your mind when thinking about spending the rest of your life with someone you love. Then you are slapped in the face with whether or not you will change your last name. One part of you feel its best to keep your maiden name. It is a name you love already, it plays a big part in your career and all of your college degrees have your maiden name printed on them. On the other hand, your fiance is pressuring you to change your name. He would like for his entire family to carry the same name, which is his name.

Although, there is still time to think about changing your last name or not you find yourself debating amongst yourself. Going the traditional route is common, however, its a new day in age. Newly married women are keeping their maiden names these days. Men are accepting the idea and compromising when its comes to the idea of hyphening.



*************************

Before I was even engaged me and my husband talked about if I would change my name. I had this big thing about how I do not want to change my name because I have accomplished so much and it all has my maiden name on it. I mean you can even Google me! He threw a fit about how he want me to take on his last name because that's what a wife is supposed to do. I was of course taking aback by the "wife supposed to do" comment and was happy I hadn't gotten engaged because the situation would have been even bigger. After getting engaged I started to really think about changing my name. I was pregnant with my daughter and had custody of my nephew and there was no doubt that her name would be like her fathers. I even went through the fact that his last name wasn't unique. I mean it's rate #4 on the Most Common Last Names in America. My maiden name wasn't even listed! I used that and it failed. Now I'm married and I have yet to change my last name legally and it's not because I don't want his last name but I want it hyphenated ... and this time I have a real reason.

I can admit ... initially I did not want to take his last name because I was known by my own and I was being selfish until I received a definite answer that my nephew would soon become my own and instantly I thought about how I grew up and we had shirts and hats with our last names on them and Big Sister Grenade last name was different but she still wore the shirts. She never seemed to mind but I always thought about if I was in her shoes that I would be a bit frustrated. I never want my nephew to have to even think about it and it become an issue. I want him to know that he is not the only one with the last name he has ... his aunt is still wearing it as well.

Changing my last name is huge for me and my family and I don't want to make the wrong decision and never would I want my nephew to feel out of place. Hyphenating my last name seems like the option since I think on both sides of the fence. It should satisfy my Husband and cause less confusion for my nephew whom I am raising as a son. I have yet to go over this with my husband ... so you all ... PRAY FOR ME. lol

************************

In the beginning I too did not want to change my last name. I am honestly comfortable with my maiden name. It is a part of who I am. Then, I, myself, decided to go the traditional route and just change my last name. BUT ... things did not go as planned. Traveling, successful accomplishments, etc. has cause me to keep my maiden name. In the near future I will be changing my last name. I am now completely comfortable with doing so.

SOUND OFF ... Tell us how do you feel about changing you identify (last name)? Is/ was it a topic for discussion between you and your mate? What was the final outcome? 

Married, but I'm Still Alone

Happy Memorials Day All! The other day I participated in a four hour phone conversation with a good friend of mine from college. We reflected, as usual, on the great times we had during our undergraduate years. Realizing how much fun we had prior to settling down and moving forward with our lives. She explained to me how she thought marriage was going to be much more than what she is experiencing now. I agreed with her and we continued to encourage one another because we are both learning that marriage is not easy at all. One thing that we both have in common is that our mates lack spending quality time with us.

Prior to the newly found married life everything seemed to be going great. We did a lot outside of the home. Always on the go enjoying yourselves every chance we got. Well all of that ended once we said 'I do'. It seems like I had to pencil in a request just for a hour of his time. I did this for months and even found myself complaining and later nagging about it. The PS3 is first in life, spending hours in the studio is second and me, I'm third on the list. (If we were in Chicago I will probably be fourth. However, I will never allow myself to be in that predicament.)


While everything else was taking up his time, I had to learn how to enjoy being by myself. Which was pretty tough. Unlike him I grew up with siblings and always had extended family and friends to occupy my time with. I have never felt as lonely as I have being married compared to when I was single. The most enjoyment I get out of life is watching lifetime and spending hours on the phone chatting with my family.

For a while I thought maybe, just maybe, its me over reacting or expecting too much. Silly me to have second guess my worth. I prayed and promised myself to continue to always and forever put myself first no matter what (or who). That is what I am currently doing. I have found employment and applying for graduate school. No need for me to be sitting around feeling lonely. Its his lost, not mine.

SOUND OFF ... Have any of you experience this in your marriage? If so, how did you handle it?