When I was little Barbies were iconic for their style and their constant changing persona. Barbies were considered THE DOLL to have! She came with her own house, car, motor home, horse ranch, dental office, animal clinic ... she even had her own MAN. Every girl wanted a Barbie because she was the ultimate girl toy! She was the thing to have.
THEN ....................................................
A young lady known by the rap name of Nicki Minaj came onto the industry scene reviving the way that the old rapper Lil' Kim used to represent herself and she called herself a Barbie. No she was not perfectly proportioned, nor, was she the ultimate icon. However, she was the person that everyone wanted to be! She became the Ultimate Girl! She was now the person to be!
NOW.......................................................
In my opinion Barbies are Broke Ass Ridiculous Bitches Imitating Everyone's Swagg! However, others believe Barbies are now considered to be the baddest chicks in the land! The one's with it all! Now that does sound like the toy Barbie.
These girls imitated everything about the self proclaimed Barbie, Nicki Minaj ... they wore the funny colors in their hair and they dressed in styles not usually considered fashion. Some attempted to manipulate their bodies/appearances whether through make up or enhancements.
HOWEVER,
Lets take a look at this Perfectly Perfect doll everyone wants to be...
When you initially walk into a store you get to the Barbie isle and you see the Barbie herself, then all of her accessories.
You chose which Barbie you want and mold her into your perfect toy. What profession will she have? Will she have a house or a motor home? Should you get her a car? How about her man? Do she get one of those? You choose because you own her.
Now that you have your Barbie, how will you treat her? You can treat her like a limited edition toy and put her on the shelf and just admire her OR you can play with her until her hair is matted and body is in pieces.
You see everyone strives to be this Perfectly Perfect image and yet they fail to realized that it only has what someone else buys for her and she breaks easily. She has no say in how she's treated, nor, does she has a say in what she gets to do with her life. FYI don't think all barbies have perfect choices either the lingerie Barbie does exist ... and what do you thing the profession behind that is?
My point is that yes, it is true that we all strive to be someone in life but trying to be a toy? Really? Would you really want to be forced to be what someone who owns you would like to be? Would you like to have an owner? Would you enjoy not knowing if you would be a prized possession?
My thoughts on girls who want to be Barbies specifically is that they ran with the hot idea/trend for the moment and now they are trying their hardest to maintain a lifestyle that they either can't afford or no longer want.
Now that the background to a lifestyle that has been glamorized has been explained ... How about we all agree that Barbie should be left as the Perfectly Perfect Doll and bringing her to life is something that should stop being attempted.
Besides, how popular could Barbie be if she has to buy all her friends?
SOUND OFF ... What are your thoughts on B.A.R.B.I.E.S?
Monday, February 28, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
She Wants What We Have
Envy [en-vee]:
a feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another's advantages, success, possessions, etc.
THE ENVIOUS BEST FRIEND...
The best friend is the one we confide in about a lot of stuff, including our man. It never dawns on us that she is envious of what you have. She will never be blunt enough to say it because she know one of three things will occur; lost of information, friendship and/ or a beat down.
Watch what you say to your best friend, especially about what goes on inside your bedroom, as well as, out. She will use it as a way to find out if what you are telling her is true or not. I recommend purchasing a diary or journal to keep all of that personal information for only your viewing. It works for me!
Not only does a diary or journal work, but so does just blatantly letting your mate know how you feel about everything you would normally tell that BFF of yours. Because talking to your mate will bring about some results, telling the BFF, well, lets just say it will ultimately end up in getting something thrown in your face or jealousy!
By the way, choose your friends wisely. The term, friend, tends to be use too loosely.
THE ENVIOUS FAMILY MEMBER...
So not many relationships in your family last, work out, or whatever. But yours do! Break-ups happen and everyone is sad ... Not YOU! And you hate to rain on the cousins, aunts, or even grandma's parade but you can't sit back and be sad and assist them in pouting when your relationship is doing fine and you're happy!
That's when envy kicks in. The behind the back talking, anything you may have shared in confidence the whole family is now hearing and forming or changing their opinions about your man. Their adding their two cents and now ... They are out of their pout mode and into Destroy Your Happiness preparation.
First up, find something on the social networking sites to upset you. You know the secrets poke on his FB page (what's the purpose of poking someone?). Next, play on your phone like their his "other girlfriend". And if all else fails ... they'll try their best to become the other girlfriend!
It happens far too often to be ignored.
THE INFAMOUS BABY MOMMA...
So we can say she lied about taking birth control got pregnant all to piss you off or the baby was born before y'all met and she still isn't over him ... OR ... this can go on and on.
But it's true, baby momma's are infamous! She's the chick that he never had problems with until you came into the picture. No matter if you want to admit it or not these women will forever be in your life as long as your with their child (ren)s father. She has the privileges to call in the middle of the night just to hear his voice and lie saying the baby is sick. She has the audacity to think that because they have a child together she can treat him like a puppet by throwing child support out as a threat. She thinks its okay to show up to the family gatherings and mingle around as if she's wearing more than just the BM title. Oh, how about this one .. she thinks its okay to call and set up "family" pictures with a man that isn't hers but is her child's father, just to save face with her own family.
Well handling these chicks are easier said than done. I have not had to experience this particular woman but I have second hand! This is what seemed to work. When she calls for medicine, don't be too sleepy to ride with him. When she throws out the Child Support scare simply advise him to put himself on and stop all other contributions to teach the her a lesson, oh yeah, have him to keep all in his receipts for court purposes. When she show up to gatherings let her do just that ... show no interest, she'll soon get annoyed with trying so damn hard that she will leave. Lastly, when she calls to give the date and time for pictures, ask for the colors too and make sure you have your matching outfit! (lol)
SOUND OFF...What do You Think?
a feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another's advantages, success, possessions, etc.
THE ENVIOUS BEST FRIEND...
The best friend is the one we confide in about a lot of stuff, including our man. It never dawns on us that she is envious of what you have. She will never be blunt enough to say it because she know one of three things will occur; lost of information, friendship and/ or a beat down.
Watch what you say to your best friend, especially about what goes on inside your bedroom, as well as, out. She will use it as a way to find out if what you are telling her is true or not. I recommend purchasing a diary or journal to keep all of that personal information for only your viewing. It works for me!
Not only does a diary or journal work, but so does just blatantly letting your mate know how you feel about everything you would normally tell that BFF of yours. Because talking to your mate will bring about some results, telling the BFF, well, lets just say it will ultimately end up in getting something thrown in your face or jealousy!
By the way, choose your friends wisely. The term, friend, tends to be use too loosely.
THE ENVIOUS FAMILY MEMBER...
So not many relationships in your family last, work out, or whatever. But yours do! Break-ups happen and everyone is sad ... Not YOU! And you hate to rain on the cousins, aunts, or even grandma's parade but you can't sit back and be sad and assist them in pouting when your relationship is doing fine and you're happy!
That's when envy kicks in. The behind the back talking, anything you may have shared in confidence the whole family is now hearing and forming or changing their opinions about your man. Their adding their two cents and now ... They are out of their pout mode and into Destroy Your Happiness preparation.
First up, find something on the social networking sites to upset you. You know the secrets poke on his FB page (what's the purpose of poking someone?). Next, play on your phone like their his "other girlfriend". And if all else fails ... they'll try their best to become the other girlfriend!
It happens far too often to be ignored.
THE INFAMOUS BABY MOMMA...
So we can say she lied about taking birth control got pregnant all to piss you off or the baby was born before y'all met and she still isn't over him ... OR ... this can go on and on.
But it's true, baby momma's are infamous! She's the chick that he never had problems with until you came into the picture. No matter if you want to admit it or not these women will forever be in your life as long as your with their child (ren)s father. She has the privileges to call in the middle of the night just to hear his voice and lie saying the baby is sick. She has the audacity to think that because they have a child together she can treat him like a puppet by throwing child support out as a threat. She thinks its okay to show up to the family gatherings and mingle around as if she's wearing more than just the BM title. Oh, how about this one .. she thinks its okay to call and set up "family" pictures with a man that isn't hers but is her child's father, just to save face with her own family.
Well handling these chicks are easier said than done. I have not had to experience this particular woman but I have second hand! This is what seemed to work. When she calls for medicine, don't be too sleepy to ride with him. When she throws out the Child Support scare simply advise him to put himself on and stop all other contributions to teach the her a lesson, oh yeah, have him to keep all in his receipts for court purposes. When she show up to gatherings let her do just that ... show no interest, she'll soon get annoyed with trying so damn hard that she will leave. Lastly, when she calls to give the date and time for pictures, ask for the colors too and make sure you have your matching outfit! (lol)
SOUND OFF...What do You Think?
COMMENTS Grenades!!!
This is the COMMENTS Grenades! Thanks Everyone for reading our posts and commenting! All Comments are welcome, read, and then every Friday we will Choose three that stood out; rather funny,controversial, or informative!
Here are this weeks TOP Three!
Coming In at Number THREE is ANONYMOUS who wrote:
"You are among millions of people who have been scared by the people, broken relationships and catch ups in church mess! Church is like the hospital the people there are sick, and coming for healing. It is up to you to follow up with the doctor (God) for your healing! Sorry for the loss of your son but church couldn't cure that void if you weren't ready to let it go anyway. Christianty is a process, there are no certain amount of tries you have to get it right you have to keep trying....to me your issue seams to be with the church(s) you've attended. The leader may only leading himself if everyone has time to be so heavily involved in the mess instead of trying to be blessesd!"
Grenades Response: Your RIGHT! I am amongst millions! And churches are like hospitals and some are like bad Nursing Homes where people go and stay sick. I follow up with GOD in my own home. And I must say I didn't go to church to receive healing or a void filler for the loss of my son. I'd already received that. I used the loss of Prince in this post as a way to show the amount of time I was out of church (6 weeks to heal physically). And to show that when I went back nothing had changed. The issue may be with the churches I have attended but I'm sure their not the only churches with drama. Keep the comments coming I really enjoyed it!
Coming in at Number TWO is THICKCURLGURL who wrote:
"I get most of my laughs on facebook from the "grown folks". Some of my friends have blasted their children on FB for the comments they make; but the next thing they do is get into a "Facebook Fight" of words with another "grown up"....FB for some its like the older lady in the club trying to compete with the 21 year old in the "stanky leg" contest...SMH Just wrong:-)"
Grenades Response: I bet you still sit and read! lol I do! Its so interesting! No matter the drama it's still interesting to see/read. I've definitely fallen into those traps as well but I'm learning!
Coming in at Number ONE is CHERRELL who wrote:
LMAO hillarious! Def. A good one......I dated this guy who was a complete mama's boy I used to loved the way he smelled and dressed until the day I found out that his overgrown 26 yr. Old self was having his clothes laid out by his mama! UGH complete turn off. Another set off which ended up being the deal breaker happened when we were spending time together and his mama called from 29 miles away asking him to come home to take the garbage out!!!! Off he went like the lil spineless mama boy he was same day I let him walk right on out my life! NEVER AGAIN.
Grenades Response: Too funny! I was sitting in the car upset that I was locked out the house, I read this and it had me crying laughing! I am in a marriage where my husband is a Mommas boy but he know where his moms place in our relationship is ... non existent! lol It goes like Happy Moments: Insert MOM here ... Problem Times: Momma who? The garbage can part was HILARIOUS! Thanks Cherrell, please keep the comments coming.
THE REVELATION COMMENT OF THE WEEK goes to MRS. PAM who wrote:
" I admit it: I'm Guilty. " in regards to the LTHM: Church Post!
Grenades Response: Mrs. Pam it takes alot to admit that and many people are wishing they could admit that they are guilty as well! But in a way EVERY one of us are guilty of the LTHM: Church Post in one way or the other!
THE MOST INFORMATIVE COMMENT OF THE WEEK goes to PXC1990!
PXC1990 wrote his own version of a blog in response to his involvement in Grenade: DOUBLE STANDARDS! Thank You Little Brother and we LOVE you too!!!
Look out for next week! More Topics, Lunch Time Honesty Minutes (Tuesday and Thursday), FB Drama Revealed and Much More!
READ AND COMMENT!
Will your comment make it the FRIDAY COMMENTS GRENADE???
COMMENT AND FIND OUT!
Here are this weeks TOP Three!
Coming In at Number THREE is ANONYMOUS who wrote:
"You are among millions of people who have been scared by the people, broken relationships and catch ups in church mess! Church is like the hospital the people there are sick, and coming for healing. It is up to you to follow up with the doctor (God) for your healing! Sorry for the loss of your son but church couldn't cure that void if you weren't ready to let it go anyway. Christianty is a process, there are no certain amount of tries you have to get it right you have to keep trying....to me your issue seams to be with the church(s) you've attended. The leader may only leading himself if everyone has time to be so heavily involved in the mess instead of trying to be blessesd!"
Grenades Response: Your RIGHT! I am amongst millions! And churches are like hospitals and some are like bad Nursing Homes where people go and stay sick. I follow up with GOD in my own home. And I must say I didn't go to church to receive healing or a void filler for the loss of my son. I'd already received that. I used the loss of Prince in this post as a way to show the amount of time I was out of church (6 weeks to heal physically). And to show that when I went back nothing had changed. The issue may be with the churches I have attended but I'm sure their not the only churches with drama. Keep the comments coming I really enjoyed it!
Coming in at Number TWO is THICKCURLGURL who wrote:
"I get most of my laughs on facebook from the "grown folks". Some of my friends have blasted their children on FB for the comments they make; but the next thing they do is get into a "Facebook Fight" of words with another "grown up"....FB for some its like the older lady in the club trying to compete with the 21 year old in the "stanky leg" contest...SMH Just wrong:-)"
Grenades Response: I bet you still sit and read! lol I do! Its so interesting! No matter the drama it's still interesting to see/read. I've definitely fallen into those traps as well but I'm learning!
Coming in at Number ONE is CHERRELL who wrote:
LMAO hillarious! Def. A good one......I dated this guy who was a complete mama's boy I used to loved the way he smelled and dressed until the day I found out that his overgrown 26 yr. Old self was having his clothes laid out by his mama! UGH complete turn off. Another set off which ended up being the deal breaker happened when we were spending time together and his mama called from 29 miles away asking him to come home to take the garbage out!!!! Off he went like the lil spineless mama boy he was same day I let him walk right on out my life! NEVER AGAIN.
Grenades Response: Too funny! I was sitting in the car upset that I was locked out the house, I read this and it had me crying laughing! I am in a marriage where my husband is a Mommas boy but he know where his moms place in our relationship is ... non existent! lol It goes like Happy Moments: Insert MOM here ... Problem Times: Momma who? The garbage can part was HILARIOUS! Thanks Cherrell, please keep the comments coming.
THE REVELATION COMMENT OF THE WEEK goes to MRS. PAM who wrote:
" I admit it: I'm Guilty. " in regards to the LTHM: Church Post!
Grenades Response: Mrs. Pam it takes alot to admit that and many people are wishing they could admit that they are guilty as well! But in a way EVERY one of us are guilty of the LTHM: Church Post in one way or the other!
THE MOST INFORMATIVE COMMENT OF THE WEEK goes to PXC1990!
PXC1990 wrote his own version of a blog in response to his involvement in Grenade: DOUBLE STANDARDS! Thank You Little Brother and we LOVE you too!!!
Look out for next week! More Topics, Lunch Time Honesty Minutes (Tuesday and Thursday), FB Drama Revealed and Much More!
READ AND COMMENT!
Will your comment make it the FRIDAY COMMENTS GRENADE???
COMMENT AND FIND OUT!
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Lunch Time Honesty Minute: Match Making
I am the worst! I swear I am terrible! But I have good intentions I PROMISE I do!!!!
I have friends who are super cute, reliable, smart, funny and they deserve a man but they can't find one. My husband has friends who need girl friends! It gets lonely being the only couple at a gathering. So often we like to make matches out of our friends!
My first match making experience was at age 14! I had a guy friend who was nice and sweet and I had a best friend who deserved that! Little do I know this would be the biggest regret of my life. This relationship seemed fun because they were around each other often and they were kind of the only singles in the group! The match was made and after the bliss came infidelity on his part! I watched as my friend was hurt over and over again and how she kept going back because she "knew" she could make it work! She's been through arguing, fighting, crying, and the social network drama. We've been through breaking up of our friendship because I continued to try and show her that she deserved better. Ultimately something Good came of their relationship, she was 7 pounds 6 ounces and she was the pride and joy that blocked out all the deceit that came with the relationship! I can honestly say that I have pondered dropping this friend ship many times because I was often looked at as a liar by her and a trick with the truth by him. I learned to distance my self from them both but I can never let that friendship go no matter what because I love that her (plus she knows too much) and I sadly feel a little responsible for the stupidity I feel my friends has over a man I helped her mate with!
My next HORRIBLE match came in the form of my high school/college friend and a in-law of mine! It was bad ... real bad! It started out FUN! And again they were always around each other but this time we were grown so there was also alot of flirting! My friend had been in many different type of relationships and she's dealt with more that a 30 year old from baby momma's to lying men ... that list goes on ... WHO KNEW I WOULD HOOK HER UP WITH A MAN WITH ALL THE PROBLEMS SHE'D HAD IN THE PAST! They seemed like the perfect couple! Ok ... No they didn't it was a bad idea and I own up to it now! Liquor can make people seem more ideal than they are and when we hooked them up we were definitely drunk that WHOLE week leading up to their relationship!
My last and FINAL Match made was THE ULTIMATE WORST! We thought that with all the relationships these two had been through that it only made sense that two HOPELESS ROMANTICS would unite, have them a fairy tale and live happily ever after! LORD WAS I WRONG! I'd hooked a MAN up with a GIRL who was not ready for the quick steps they made together. She hadn't thought it through but he had seeing that he'd went through alot of drama just to make them happen! They moved in together ... though initially it was too soon time wise ... it was needed for their circumstances. They were having a fairy tale! Everyone bragged that they had friends that were as happy as them two. Well things don't always last and they ended in what we considered the worst way. HE was left heartbroken.
I have learned that I'm done matching making it's the WORST thing I could have ever come up with because there is now SIX people out on the earth who went through relationships that terribly failed because I thought they would be a good idea and they crazy asses listened to me!
I have friends who are super cute, reliable, smart, funny and they deserve a man but they can't find one. My husband has friends who need girl friends! It gets lonely being the only couple at a gathering. So often we like to make matches out of our friends!
My first match making experience was at age 14! I had a guy friend who was nice and sweet and I had a best friend who deserved that! Little do I know this would be the biggest regret of my life. This relationship seemed fun because they were around each other often and they were kind of the only singles in the group! The match was made and after the bliss came infidelity on his part! I watched as my friend was hurt over and over again and how she kept going back because she "knew" she could make it work! She's been through arguing, fighting, crying, and the social network drama. We've been through breaking up of our friendship because I continued to try and show her that she deserved better. Ultimately something Good came of their relationship, she was 7 pounds 6 ounces and she was the pride and joy that blocked out all the deceit that came with the relationship! I can honestly say that I have pondered dropping this friend ship many times because I was often looked at as a liar by her and a trick with the truth by him. I learned to distance my self from them both but I can never let that friendship go no matter what because I love that her (plus she knows too much) and I sadly feel a little responsible for the stupidity I feel my friends has over a man I helped her mate with!
My next HORRIBLE match came in the form of my high school/college friend and a in-law of mine! It was bad ... real bad! It started out FUN! And again they were always around each other but this time we were grown so there was also alot of flirting! My friend had been in many different type of relationships and she's dealt with more that a 30 year old from baby momma's to lying men ... that list goes on ... WHO KNEW I WOULD HOOK HER UP WITH A MAN WITH ALL THE PROBLEMS SHE'D HAD IN THE PAST! They seemed like the perfect couple! Ok ... No they didn't it was a bad idea and I own up to it now! Liquor can make people seem more ideal than they are and when we hooked them up we were definitely drunk that WHOLE week leading up to their relationship!
My last and FINAL Match made was THE ULTIMATE WORST! We thought that with all the relationships these two had been through that it only made sense that two HOPELESS ROMANTICS would unite, have them a fairy tale and live happily ever after! LORD WAS I WRONG! I'd hooked a MAN up with a GIRL who was not ready for the quick steps they made together. She hadn't thought it through but he had seeing that he'd went through alot of drama just to make them happen! They moved in together ... though initially it was too soon time wise ... it was needed for their circumstances. They were having a fairy tale! Everyone bragged that they had friends that were as happy as them two. Well things don't always last and they ended in what we considered the worst way. HE was left heartbroken.
I have learned that I'm done matching making it's the WORST thing I could have ever come up with because there is now SIX people out on the earth who went through relationships that terribly failed because I thought they would be a good idea and they crazy asses listened to me!
Double Standards
"No boyfriends or dating until you are 16!"
I wonder how many girls have heard such a saying. I have! My daddy told me this and he meant it! Did I obey? No. Should I have? Honestly? No. I went through a few frogs to get my Prince and I'm afraid had I started at 16 I would still be putting my lipgloss on for some frogs!
But back to the words above ... I was not supposed to have a boyfriend until I was 16 nor was I supposed to date. I couldn't have a guy that was a friend come and sit on my couch until I was 16! I never understood the age 16 reference but I guess that's when the rule makers thought a girl was old enough to handle dating and it was passed down through the times and it skipped most households beside my own. However, I never dated seriously, long term until I turned 15 and shockingly my Dad approved. He only approved because he thought his threat that in order for me to become someones girlfriend the guy had to sit down and have a talk with him.
I remember oh so vividly of the night that happened! After months of me and the guy sitting on the porch together for hours my dad had friends over and said for me and the guy to go and sit in the kitchen. The guy was curious as to why it was his first time in my house ... I explained to him the rules my dad once laid out for him and when I turned my back he was gone out on the porch to my dad and his friends and had asked if he could speak with him about becoming my boyfriend. Me and Mother Grenade had our ears stuck to the door but couldn't hear much. We just knew that when he came back in he asked me if I would be his girl and I proudly accepted!
That wasn't the end though ...I guess I wasn't trustworthy because it went from sitting on the porch to only sitting in the kitchen, to sitting on separate couches in the front room to him sitting in a chair while I sat on my bed with the door wide open. How about having to show receipts with dates and timestamps from restaurants when we went out on dates ... Let me not forget being able to go to his house but having to take my little brother with me.
Speaking of Little Brothers ... here is where the double standard came in! He was 12 being encourage to have a girlfriend ... 13 when he got one and she was allowed to lay on the couch with him, sit in his room or rather lay in his room with the bedroom door closed. He was allowed to go out on dates and go to her house without another sibling around to inform our parents later of the happenings of the time spent away from home.
Did this initially bother me? No. Until I noticed that he was free to do as he pleased (innocently as far as I know) while I was still making sure the waiter gave us a receipt that had all the information I needed.
My sister and I often joked about the double standards in our household and often I wondered what affect those standards would have on my relationship. Maybe I didn't like my restrictions then and I still wouldn't choose certain ones for my own daughter but I do think that those restrictions strengthened my relationship with my now Husband because not many men would put up with a girl who came with so many rules, whose couch he didn't sit on until after their 1 year anniversary. A girl who every family member he met grilled and threatened him, who babysat for hours and asked for his assistance every step of the way.
I thank my parents for the restrictions because they ultimately became challenges I wouldn't have thought to put a guy through. I thank my husband for sticking it out and ultimately popping the big question! But I also thank my brother for just being there and being the reason for me hating double standards ... because every rule that was made I broke my neck not to break, and every challenge they put out I made sure I succeeded! Example: They asked for receipts with dates and timestamps, I also showed the timestamps on my bus cards! lol
....Big Sis, I Pulled the Grenade Pin ... Now You Can SOUND OFF...
Well, Lil Sis, I'm glad the rule maker's rules did not skip our home. I was the "tester child", so you did not have to bare witness to half of the rules as I had to. However, I am thankful because I watched as so many of my peers became pregnant, contracted a sexually transmitted infection, or did some things I just did not want to associate myself with.
I remember my first year of high school one evening I bought home a good guy friend of mine and before we could sit down and begin on our homework my dad politely asked for him to leave and never come back...then told him I would walk him to the bus stop just to make sure he made it out of the neighborhood safely. Yep!, my daddy put him out. I didn't understand if he got put out for being older then myself or because I invited him over before asking my parents permission...lol.
I think it took about two years or so before I could have any guys to stop the house after that situation. I was able to date more, but my parents had to meet the guy in order for me to go out on a date with me. If any guy had the audacity to blow the horn oh I wasn't going anywhere with him. He had to come and ring the door bell. This was my parents way of teaching me how a guy should respect me.
Yes, I experienced having my baby brother being a babysitter. However, I never had to take him out on a date with me, but if I had a guy over visiting while my parents were not home, yeah baby bro had to sit in the room with us. And when my parents returned home they knew everything from a to z because he told it all. Now, my brother gets away with so much because he is a guy. Until this day I complain to my parents about how wrong they are for letting him get away with murder. Their response as always 'he's a guy and its different'.
Those rules or should I say double standards that were instill in our household did a great deal of justice for the both of us. Those rules helped me choose not only the right man, but, also, determined my way of living.
SOUND OFF...What Do You Think? Do you believe the double standard rules are fair?
I wonder how many girls have heard such a saying. I have! My daddy told me this and he meant it! Did I obey? No. Should I have? Honestly? No. I went through a few frogs to get my Prince and I'm afraid had I started at 16 I would still be putting my lipgloss on for some frogs!
But back to the words above ... I was not supposed to have a boyfriend until I was 16 nor was I supposed to date. I couldn't have a guy that was a friend come and sit on my couch until I was 16! I never understood the age 16 reference but I guess that's when the rule makers thought a girl was old enough to handle dating and it was passed down through the times and it skipped most households beside my own. However, I never dated seriously, long term until I turned 15 and shockingly my Dad approved. He only approved because he thought his threat that in order for me to become someones girlfriend the guy had to sit down and have a talk with him.
I remember oh so vividly of the night that happened! After months of me and the guy sitting on the porch together for hours my dad had friends over and said for me and the guy to go and sit in the kitchen. The guy was curious as to why it was his first time in my house ... I explained to him the rules my dad once laid out for him and when I turned my back he was gone out on the porch to my dad and his friends and had asked if he could speak with him about becoming my boyfriend. Me and Mother Grenade had our ears stuck to the door but couldn't hear much. We just knew that when he came back in he asked me if I would be his girl and I proudly accepted!
That wasn't the end though ...I guess I wasn't trustworthy because it went from sitting on the porch to only sitting in the kitchen, to sitting on separate couches in the front room to him sitting in a chair while I sat on my bed with the door wide open. How about having to show receipts with dates and timestamps from restaurants when we went out on dates ... Let me not forget being able to go to his house but having to take my little brother with me.
Speaking of Little Brothers ... here is where the double standard came in! He was 12 being encourage to have a girlfriend ... 13 when he got one and she was allowed to lay on the couch with him, sit in his room or rather lay in his room with the bedroom door closed. He was allowed to go out on dates and go to her house without another sibling around to inform our parents later of the happenings of the time spent away from home.
Did this initially bother me? No. Until I noticed that he was free to do as he pleased (innocently as far as I know) while I was still making sure the waiter gave us a receipt that had all the information I needed.
My sister and I often joked about the double standards in our household and often I wondered what affect those standards would have on my relationship. Maybe I didn't like my restrictions then and I still wouldn't choose certain ones for my own daughter but I do think that those restrictions strengthened my relationship with my now Husband because not many men would put up with a girl who came with so many rules, whose couch he didn't sit on until after their 1 year anniversary. A girl who every family member he met grilled and threatened him, who babysat for hours and asked for his assistance every step of the way.
I thank my parents for the restrictions because they ultimately became challenges I wouldn't have thought to put a guy through. I thank my husband for sticking it out and ultimately popping the big question! But I also thank my brother for just being there and being the reason for me hating double standards ... because every rule that was made I broke my neck not to break, and every challenge they put out I made sure I succeeded! Example: They asked for receipts with dates and timestamps, I also showed the timestamps on my bus cards! lol
....Big Sis, I Pulled the Grenade Pin ... Now You Can SOUND OFF...
Well, Lil Sis, I'm glad the rule maker's rules did not skip our home. I was the "tester child", so you did not have to bare witness to half of the rules as I had to. However, I am thankful because I watched as so many of my peers became pregnant, contracted a sexually transmitted infection, or did some things I just did not want to associate myself with.
I remember my first year of high school one evening I bought home a good guy friend of mine and before we could sit down and begin on our homework my dad politely asked for him to leave and never come back...then told him I would walk him to the bus stop just to make sure he made it out of the neighborhood safely. Yep!, my daddy put him out. I didn't understand if he got put out for being older then myself or because I invited him over before asking my parents permission...lol.
I think it took about two years or so before I could have any guys to stop the house after that situation. I was able to date more, but my parents had to meet the guy in order for me to go out on a date with me. If any guy had the audacity to blow the horn oh I wasn't going anywhere with him. He had to come and ring the door bell. This was my parents way of teaching me how a guy should respect me.
Yes, I experienced having my baby brother being a babysitter. However, I never had to take him out on a date with me, but if I had a guy over visiting while my parents were not home, yeah baby bro had to sit in the room with us. And when my parents returned home they knew everything from a to z because he told it all. Now, my brother gets away with so much because he is a guy. Until this day I complain to my parents about how wrong they are for letting him get away with murder. Their response as always 'he's a guy and its different'.
Those rules or should I say double standards that were instill in our household did a great deal of justice for the both of us. Those rules helped me choose not only the right man, but, also, determined my way of living.
SOUND OFF...What Do You Think? Do you believe the double standard rules are fair?
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Your Man's Mom is His DIARY!
Ladies, we all may have dated or are currently dating a guy who is very close to his mom. So close, you are not sure who jocks his cock the most, you or her. We've been in situations where you are not sure if it is a relationship between only you and him or you, him, and her.
Well I dated this guy a few years back who called his mommy for everything, and I mean E-VE-RY-THING. Whether it was to pay his child support, student loans, HIS home mortgage, what he should have for dinner that evening..., and boy I could go on and on. He would even called to tell her about things I was doing, rather good or bad. I knew I had to get myself out of the situation when his mommy dearest would call and ask me how come I did not make her son's breakfast before he went to work? Or the time when she invited me over to help her cook Thanksgiving dinner. The witch had the nerve to ask me before even speaking to ask me "why I did not have any children? Because it was good for me to know that his daughter was her favorite and they (her and her husband) do not need anymore grandchildren." First thing that came to my mind was this witch has lost her mind. Do I cuss her out? Do I leave and let the matter be handled by her son? Well I decide to handle it on my own and my reply was "because I have yet to find a man that was good enough to father my children, that's why. Just so you know I still have yet to FIND HIM. Now do you have anymore questions?" Let's just say that that was the end of that conversation.
After all that I still gave him another chance, until one day I received a text from an ex and he just so happened to run across it in my phone...lol. Do you know he called his momma and told on me like I wasn't sitting there. Yes, he called his mom at four o'clock in the morning. That was a signal for me to pack my shit and go.
I have always been the type to give men a chance. Even when I know they are the only child or son. I try my best to keep my biases' out my new situations. The last few dating experiences have been troubling because the men tend to run to their mommies for unauthorized advice. Then later when shit begins to hit the fan you find yourself debating with a woman that is all to familiar with the problems that goes on in your relationship or maybe even in your home.
I never had a man to verbally admit that his mother was/ is his personal diary, but I have heard a few state she is his everything. When a man tell you that, Ladies, run like a dog is chasing you. Do not setup yourself up for a heart break. Men will show you early in the relationship what to expect when it comes to his mother. Take heed of and determine if that is something you are willing to live with.
Here are a few ways to keep that Diary out your relationship:
- Mutually agree with you guy/ husband in the beginning...anything that happens in your home and/or relationship stays between the two of you.
- Talk to your man, let him know how you feel about information being taken outside of the 'US' foundation.
- Have him to inform his mother of her place in life. This is when he MUST stand up to her. She may not like, but that is her problem.
- When she retires or gets old complaining that she wants her son to care for put her in a nursing home that will really keep her out of your business...Just Kidding, but if all else fail this is an option.
- Sound Off...What do you think?
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Lunch Time Honesty Minute: CHURCH
Yeah, Yeah ... I know "touchy topic" but I'm not scared. I've grown up in church and have been in plenty ministries ... you name it ...
Usher? Yes.
Choir? Yes.
Media? Yes.
Congregation? Yes.
And I have been under different leaderships as far as Pastors (both were great in their own way).
However, it was always so much drama in church (and no im not talking about the Christmas plays). But there was real DRAMA. Married men cheating with married women, incest, back-stabbing and though none of this was involving me directly ... it affected me indirectly.
Church was filled with so much hatred, fake love, attitudes, jealousy and emotional animals that I often wondered ... What the hell am I doing here?
You mean to tell me that I got up, put on my uniform/dress, sat through Sunday School (when I did go), and quieted down my nieces so that the PROBLEMS hidden behind every song the choir sang and ever sermon the preacher (Pastor and His Associate Ministers) preached could ring out louder than the actual words of the song and meaning the bible served in the sermon?
No I didn't. I didn't come to church for that and up until the death of my son, I went to church because my parents made me, it wasn't force, it was simply routine. After Prince passed I went to church once and I walked in excited and left feeling numb. Nothing had changed. Problems was still overshadowing what I went for.
Now I read my bible online and go to church when my Daddy is preaching because I don't care about the music ... I care that it's my one chance to hear a message rather than a problem.
Other than to hear him, I stopped going because I figure:
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Usher? Yes.
Choir? Yes.
Media? Yes.
Congregation? Yes.
And I have been under different leaderships as far as Pastors (both were great in their own way).
However, it was always so much drama in church (and no im not talking about the Christmas plays). But there was real DRAMA. Married men cheating with married women, incest, back-stabbing and though none of this was involving me directly ... it affected me indirectly.
Church was filled with so much hatred, fake love, attitudes, jealousy and emotional animals that I often wondered ... What the hell am I doing here?
You mean to tell me that I got up, put on my uniform/dress, sat through Sunday School (when I did go), and quieted down my nieces so that the PROBLEMS hidden behind every song the choir sang and ever sermon the preacher (Pastor and His Associate Ministers) preached could ring out louder than the actual words of the song and meaning the bible served in the sermon?
No I didn't. I didn't come to church for that and up until the death of my son, I went to church because my parents made me, it wasn't force, it was simply routine. After Prince passed I went to church once and I walked in excited and left feeling numb. Nothing had changed. Problems was still overshadowing what I went for.
Now I read my bible online and go to church when my Daddy is preaching because I don't care about the music ... I care that it's my one chance to hear a message rather than a problem.
Other than to hear him, I stopped going because I figure:
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Monster-In-Law
We've all seen the movie, Monster-In-Law, starring Jane Fonda and Jennifer Lopez. Fonda plays the role of Viola Field, television host, who disagrees with her sons choice of bride, Charlie (Lopez). She does everything in her power to prevent her son from marrying Charlie. That movie seems all too close to a lot of our relationships. Whether it is the mother or the groom (more common) or the mother of the bride. Check out the movie trailer here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LlOoCwZQvMg
Prior to most of our nuptials the mother-in-law may have said some inappropriate things, put on a front before your significant other, invited the ex (the daughter in-law at heart) to the family gathering knowing you would be there, use social media outlets in attempt to hurt you or maybe even degrade your character. What did you do? How did you respond/ react? I'll tell you what I did, I took upon myself to tell her what was on my mind in the most respectful way. I had to come to peace with myself by letting her go. I needed to avoid any further confrontations with her and prevent any issues from stirring up in my relationship with my husband. Some women may think I went about that the wrong way, but who cares. I had to do what was best for me and mines.Nothing positive was ever going to develop in our relationship on my part, on the other hand, she may blossom from her phony ways. Now don't get me wrong I do participate in small talk and I'm very cordial just out of respect for my elders.
After a few personal issues of my own, I took it upon myself to research positive ways of dealing with my monster of a mother-in-law...lol. I was unsuccessful, however, I came across an article that some believe to be challenging. I set aside my bias' and read the short article and chuckled once finished. Read it for yourself How to get along with your evil Mother in Law | eHow.com. I personally would not abide by any of these, but there may someone who could benefit from this. One thing I did find funny was the links on the page, one was entitled, Daughter-In-Law Problems?...WHAT???
***************************************************
I think Monster-In-Law is a strong name to give a woman who gave birth to the man you choose to marry. Now some may deserve it but out of general respect I would never call my MIL such a name. However, my situation in regards to my feelings and how I treat my MIL is different than most. She has not blatantly expressed her dislike of me constantly to anyone, she's has not taken it to social networks, she has not tried to set me up in situations she knew would make me uncomfortable ... Why? Because I didn't allow it. I knew that the feelings of my MIL were shady towards me because when enraged with my husband years before we were married I overheard an argument and which she spoke bad of me and I held on to that.
I always felt that things said to my husband was said to hurt him, but this time I think it hurt me more. Also, I know that during arguments is when real feelings are expressed. Years went by and I took heed to my feelings and expressed them to my husband before we married so that he understood why I would treated his mom the way I did.
Now let me say ... that argument I overheard was within the second year of me and my husbands soon to be seven year relationship. I never had a face to face problem with his mother, she was always polite to me and treated me as if I was another one of her children. I love her actually because if it wasn't for her I wouldn't be married to the man that I consider to be a great father and companion.
However going to the internet for advice on relationship problems has never been my style ... I simply look at the relationships around me and one distinct one showed me how I could best deal with my MIL. Because I was over trying to have a relationship with her because somethings she'd said I could never forgive I decided to keep my distance. I only see her when there is a gathering or we are picking up my children from spending a few hours ... I make sure that I still respect her ... I speak and keep any conversation very short and sweet.
The best way to deal with your MIL (whatever you may choose to use the "M" for) is to speak with your husband about what the problem is and see what he thinks about how the situation should be handled. Me. I do as my husband suggested ... Just don't disrespect her ... and that I don't. No matter what I have to do to make sure that doesn't happen, I do. In the end the relationship that matters is between you and him.
Prior to most of our nuptials the mother-in-law may have said some inappropriate things, put on a front before your significant other, invited the ex (the daughter in-law at heart) to the family gathering knowing you would be there, use social media outlets in attempt to hurt you or maybe even degrade your character. What did you do? How did you respond/ react? I'll tell you what I did, I took upon myself to tell her what was on my mind in the most respectful way. I had to come to peace with myself by letting her go. I needed to avoid any further confrontations with her and prevent any issues from stirring up in my relationship with my husband. Some women may think I went about that the wrong way, but who cares. I had to do what was best for me and mines.Nothing positive was ever going to develop in our relationship on my part, on the other hand, she may blossom from her phony ways. Now don't get me wrong I do participate in small talk and I'm very cordial just out of respect for my elders.
After a few personal issues of my own, I took it upon myself to research positive ways of dealing with my monster of a mother-in-law...lol. I was unsuccessful, however, I came across an article that some believe to be challenging. I set aside my bias' and read the short article and chuckled once finished. Read it for yourself How to get along with your evil Mother in Law | eHow.com. I personally would not abide by any of these, but there may someone who could benefit from this. One thing I did find funny was the links on the page, one was entitled, Daughter-In-Law Problems?...WHAT???
***************************************************
I think Monster-In-Law is a strong name to give a woman who gave birth to the man you choose to marry. Now some may deserve it but out of general respect I would never call my MIL such a name. However, my situation in regards to my feelings and how I treat my MIL is different than most. She has not blatantly expressed her dislike of me constantly to anyone, she's has not taken it to social networks, she has not tried to set me up in situations she knew would make me uncomfortable ... Why? Because I didn't allow it. I knew that the feelings of my MIL were shady towards me because when enraged with my husband years before we were married I overheard an argument and which she spoke bad of me and I held on to that.
I always felt that things said to my husband was said to hurt him, but this time I think it hurt me more. Also, I know that during arguments is when real feelings are expressed. Years went by and I took heed to my feelings and expressed them to my husband before we married so that he understood why I would treated his mom the way I did.
Now let me say ... that argument I overheard was within the second year of me and my husbands soon to be seven year relationship. I never had a face to face problem with his mother, she was always polite to me and treated me as if I was another one of her children. I love her actually because if it wasn't for her I wouldn't be married to the man that I consider to be a great father and companion.
However going to the internet for advice on relationship problems has never been my style ... I simply look at the relationships around me and one distinct one showed me how I could best deal with my MIL. Because I was over trying to have a relationship with her because somethings she'd said I could never forgive I decided to keep my distance. I only see her when there is a gathering or we are picking up my children from spending a few hours ... I make sure that I still respect her ... I speak and keep any conversation very short and sweet.
The best way to deal with your MIL (whatever you may choose to use the "M" for) is to speak with your husband about what the problem is and see what he thinks about how the situation should be handled. Me. I do as my husband suggested ... Just don't disrespect her ... and that I don't. No matter what I have to do to make sure that doesn't happen, I do. In the end the relationship that matters is between you and him.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Welcome to The Grenade
Definition of GRENADE
: a small missile that contains an explosive or a chemical agent (as tear gas, a flame producer, or a smoke producer) and that is thrown by hand or projected (as by a rifle or special launcher)
This Blog is our small contribution to the world that we plan to fill with advice, insights, encouragement, harsh criticism, bad/good words,and most of all two OPINIONS! Every post will be a Grenade thrown that we want to explode for all to see and to open up hidden thoughts that every reader try to hide away!
We, Shannon and Bianca, are two sisters, two college grads, and two married women. We have different opinions and though we are sisters parts of our lives have been lived completely different. We want to share experiences good and bad so that our readers can relate or learn from our triumphs and mistakes alike.
We hope you enjoy reading a blog were the writers put their time, energy, and excitement for their readers to enjoy!
Things To Look Forward To:
- Lunch Time Honesty Minute
- Facebook Drama Revealed
- Life As We Know It
AND SO MUCH MORE!
We are Sisters and this is our GRENADE ... We mean BLOG ... No GRENADE is better.
FB DRAMA REVEALED: My Mother's on Facebook!
Let me start by saying ...
Hi, I am a Little Sister Grenade and MY MOM IS ON FACEBOOK!
Honestly ... it was my fault! She needed one though! Everyday I would show her people pictures and laugh with her about the statuses people put and not to mention let her in on the drama people went through on there. So it seemed logical!
I became a member on Facebook Junior year of High School. Didn't know many people on there because they were all in college. But I saw Facebook as away to express my frustrations about any and everything and to keep up with everyday lives of people I knew but rarely saw. Facebook soon started getting more popular and my friends list started to grow ... I had COMPLETE control over who saw it and what I said on it! That was until My Momma got a Facebook!
Momma Grenade having a Facebook is not bad now! In the beginning she would flip about some of the things I wrote and she just didn't understand that this is what you do on FB! You vent, boast, brag about friends, men, and things! There was no where else to do this and Myspace was too crowded with celebrities and porn stars to really get the attention you could only get on FB!
As time went on Facebook became more drama filled and the need for mothers on there was almost mandatory! The site had went from high school and college students to anyone being allowed a page and having Momma Grenade on FB started to come in hand when grown people were causing problems with things I'd said and I wouldn't say anything because I didn't want to disrespect them but within seconds my momma was there with a comment that shut the whole problem down.
I can admit that I used to be annoyed by some things and a lot of things I didn't think she understood! A lot of things I thought I missed out on saying and seeing because she wanted to control my friends list..., but I see her on Facebook now and I'm ok with what she puts, how she handles things, i'm back to saying what I want and what I feel to who I want ... I'm ok and I think a lot of others need to get ok with their Moms being on FB ... Mine is and I have recovered from the initial shock, it's in remission! LOL
Hi, I am a Little Sister Grenade and MY MOM IS ON FACEBOOK!
Honestly ... it was my fault! She needed one though! Everyday I would show her people pictures and laugh with her about the statuses people put and not to mention let her in on the drama people went through on there. So it seemed logical!
I became a member on Facebook Junior year of High School. Didn't know many people on there because they were all in college. But I saw Facebook as away to express my frustrations about any and everything and to keep up with everyday lives of people I knew but rarely saw. Facebook soon started getting more popular and my friends list started to grow ... I had COMPLETE control over who saw it and what I said on it! That was until My Momma got a Facebook!
Momma Grenade having a Facebook is not bad now! In the beginning she would flip about some of the things I wrote and she just didn't understand that this is what you do on FB! You vent, boast, brag about friends, men, and things! There was no where else to do this and Myspace was too crowded with celebrities and porn stars to really get the attention you could only get on FB!
As time went on Facebook became more drama filled and the need for mothers on there was almost mandatory! The site had went from high school and college students to anyone being allowed a page and having Momma Grenade on FB started to come in hand when grown people were causing problems with things I'd said and I wouldn't say anything because I didn't want to disrespect them but within seconds my momma was there with a comment that shut the whole problem down.
I can admit that I used to be annoyed by some things and a lot of things I didn't think she understood! A lot of things I thought I missed out on saying and seeing because she wanted to control my friends list..., but I see her on Facebook now and I'm ok with what she puts, how she handles things, i'm back to saying what I want and what I feel to who I want ... I'm ok and I think a lot of others need to get ok with their Moms being on FB ... Mine is and I have recovered from the initial shock, it's in remission! LOL
YES, YOU'RE MY FATHER, BUT NOW YOU WANT TO PLAY DADDY
SO...NOW YOU WANT TO BE A DADDY???
Growing up so many people, young and old, think highly of their fathers. Even when our mothers attempt to prove to us on numerous occasions that he, he aint shit. All of the false promises, the forgotten birthdays, every missed Christmas and I could go on...; we fail to realize that he's not who we would like for him to be. But when we grow up, we learn the true realities of life by growing mentally and finally understanding that our fathers are just that sperm donors.
Who do we blame? Do we blame his mother for not keeping a positive male figure in his life? Do we blame his father for not being a DADDY? Or do we blame him for not trying to beat all of the odds against him by becoming the DADDY he always yearn for himself?
So you heard another man is being a DADDY to you baby and the word has gotten around...Another man signed my birth certificate and even gave me his last name and where were you?. Seventeen years later you decide to walk into my life and want to play the role of daddy. You even had the audacity to ask if I'll change my last name to yours. What??? All of this could have been, if you would have stood as the man you claim to be and did your fatherly duties prior to me taking my first breath outside of my mothers womb.
Where were you when I kept my mom up all night and she had to be at school the next morning? Where were you every time I scrape my knee and needed someone to hold me and reassure that everything will be fine? Where were you when I wanted to learn how to ride a bike? Where were you on report card day, school performances, birthday parties, graduations, and other accomplishments? Where were you when that guy I dated broke my heart for the first time? Well you wasn't there, but my real DADDY was to fill into the shoes you never placed your feet in. It is a shame HE PICKED UP WHERE YOU NEVER LEFT OFF. But now after all these years you want to be a daddy.
You are my father and that is the only thing I thank you for being; the man that had the fun of creating me. Glad my mom had the sense to leave your sorry ass alone and got a hold of a real man who knew how to take care HIS responsibilities.
****************************************************************************
I am dealing with the same situation, just not with my own father. My brother has had Five kids all in the system and living with either my parents or with me. He has four girls and from the time majority of the babies were one years old the only father figure they knew besides my Dad was my husband. They said Mar Mar before mouthing the words DA-DA like most other children. This was always just funny because these girls knew that my brother was their Father but when it came down to discipline or wanting affection, my brother could be in the same room and the girls will either go to my husband or cry out for him. I knew that must have hurt my brother but in that situation I only cared a little.
Five years went past and my nieces finally got a little brother. This little boy was due one week before my own son, so when the subject of which family member would care for him came up I made sure that me and my husband were clear that it would NOT be us. Time passed and so did the child I was carrying ... I had no intention of caring for someone else son who was due only eight days before my own son was. I considered it at first too emotional to handle then I took it as a sign that me and my husband can raise a child who needs a home.
When I got my nephew, he was two months old, the earliest we'd received any of my brothers children and because I worked over night my husband was the one who had the sleepless nights with a child who was having nightly withdraws from the drugs in his system. Naturally my nephew thought this was his father. No matter how many "I love my UNCLE" shirts we bought he saw this man as his father.
When talking started my nephew was the first of all my brothers children to call my husband "DADDY" and no matter how we tried to correct him we realized that he would NOT correct himself. My brother heard of this and swore we did it on purpose ... my attitude was WHO IS HE TO HAVE AN OPINION? My nephew don't know him! All he knows is the man he calls Daddy! The day my brother expressed his dislike of the situation was the day I stopped correcting my nephew. A one year old was giving credit where credit was due and I should have been too.
Growing up so many people, young and old, think highly of their fathers. Even when our mothers attempt to prove to us on numerous occasions that he, he aint shit. All of the false promises, the forgotten birthdays, every missed Christmas and I could go on...; we fail to realize that he's not who we would like for him to be. But when we grow up, we learn the true realities of life by growing mentally and finally understanding that our fathers are just that sperm donors.
Who do we blame? Do we blame his mother for not keeping a positive male figure in his life? Do we blame his father for not being a DADDY? Or do we blame him for not trying to beat all of the odds against him by becoming the DADDY he always yearn for himself?
So you heard another man is being a DADDY to you baby and the word has gotten around...Another man signed my birth certificate and even gave me his last name and where were you?. Seventeen years later you decide to walk into my life and want to play the role of daddy. You even had the audacity to ask if I'll change my last name to yours. What??? All of this could have been, if you would have stood as the man you claim to be and did your fatherly duties prior to me taking my first breath outside of my mothers womb.
Where were you when I kept my mom up all night and she had to be at school the next morning? Where were you every time I scrape my knee and needed someone to hold me and reassure that everything will be fine? Where were you when I wanted to learn how to ride a bike? Where were you on report card day, school performances, birthday parties, graduations, and other accomplishments? Where were you when that guy I dated broke my heart for the first time? Well you wasn't there, but my real DADDY was to fill into the shoes you never placed your feet in. It is a shame HE PICKED UP WHERE YOU NEVER LEFT OFF. But now after all these years you want to be a daddy.
You are my father and that is the only thing I thank you for being; the man that had the fun of creating me. Glad my mom had the sense to leave your sorry ass alone and got a hold of a real man who knew how to take care HIS responsibilities.
****************************************************************************
I am dealing with the same situation, just not with my own father. My brother has had Five kids all in the system and living with either my parents or with me. He has four girls and from the time majority of the babies were one years old the only father figure they knew besides my Dad was my husband. They said Mar Mar before mouthing the words DA-DA like most other children. This was always just funny because these girls knew that my brother was their Father but when it came down to discipline or wanting affection, my brother could be in the same room and the girls will either go to my husband or cry out for him. I knew that must have hurt my brother but in that situation I only cared a little.
Five years went past and my nieces finally got a little brother. This little boy was due one week before my own son, so when the subject of which family member would care for him came up I made sure that me and my husband were clear that it would NOT be us. Time passed and so did the child I was carrying ... I had no intention of caring for someone else son who was due only eight days before my own son was. I considered it at first too emotional to handle then I took it as a sign that me and my husband can raise a child who needs a home.
When I got my nephew, he was two months old, the earliest we'd received any of my brothers children and because I worked over night my husband was the one who had the sleepless nights with a child who was having nightly withdraws from the drugs in his system. Naturally my nephew thought this was his father. No matter how many "I love my UNCLE" shirts we bought he saw this man as his father.
When talking started my nephew was the first of all my brothers children to call my husband "DADDY" and no matter how we tried to correct him we realized that he would NOT correct himself. My brother heard of this and swore we did it on purpose ... my attitude was WHO IS HE TO HAVE AN OPINION? My nephew don't know him! All he knows is the man he calls Daddy! The day my brother expressed his dislike of the situation was the day I stopped correcting my nephew. A one year old was giving credit where credit was due and I should have been too.
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