Married, but I'm Still Alone

Happy Memorials Day All! The other day I participated in a four hour phone conversation with a good friend of mine from college. We reflected, as usual, on the great times we had during our undergraduate years. Realizing how much fun we had prior to settling down and moving forward with our lives. She explained to me how she thought marriage was going to be much more than what she is experiencing now. I agreed with her and we continued to encourage one another because we are both learning that marriage is not easy at all. One thing that we both have in common is that our mates lack spending quality time with us.

Prior to the newly found married life everything seemed to be going great. We did a lot outside of the home. Always on the go enjoying yourselves every chance we got. Well all of that ended once we said 'I do'. It seems like I had to pencil in a request just for a hour of his time. I did this for months and even found myself complaining and later nagging about it. The PS3 is first in life, spending hours in the studio is second and me, I'm third on the list. (If we were in Chicago I will probably be fourth. However, I will never allow myself to be in that predicament.)


While everything else was taking up his time, I had to learn how to enjoy being by myself. Which was pretty tough. Unlike him I grew up with siblings and always had extended family and friends to occupy my time with. I have never felt as lonely as I have being married compared to when I was single. The most enjoyment I get out of life is watching lifetime and spending hours on the phone chatting with my family.

For a while I thought maybe, just maybe, its me over reacting or expecting too much. Silly me to have second guess my worth. I prayed and promised myself to continue to always and forever put myself first no matter what (or who). That is what I am currently doing. I have found employment and applying for graduate school. No need for me to be sitting around feeling lonely. Its his lost, not mine.

SOUND OFF ... Have any of you experience this in your marriage? If so, how did you handle it?

Married With Children

By me and my husband being raised a few miles away from each other we were raised in different ways.



I was raised with my two older siblings and little brother, sheltered with sort of a strict schedule. Dance practice, school, homework, boys and girls  club, karate class, dinner, sleep ... repeat. I was picked up and dropped off. Only allowed to go into someone else home with my parents permission, could not leave off the block unless I was accompanied by an adult, and was rarely left with someone who was not a family member of some sort. On weekends time was spent at my grandmothers house or with a friendship club Mother Grenade created.



My husband was raised as the baby of his family with his three older siblings whose mother worked nights and raised them to be more independent. His schedule consisted of school, homework, then playing outside with his friends, dinner, sleep ... repeat. He was able to go off his block and to the store on his own and was often sent by his mother, he was allowed in other people home and often his mother thought he was one place and he would be in another. He took public transportation on his own and walked to school on his own.



Though only a few miles apart our lives were completely different the only thing that was the same was the neighborhoods we lived on everyone knew everyone however our parents still had different ways of acknowledging that.


Now that we are both married we have two children that we are raising and often there is alot of conflict in regards to what our children will be allowed to do when they become older. Will they be allowed to walk a few blocks to school, can they go to the store on their own, will they be in organized sports, how will we handle punishments all the way to who will have permission to date and at what age.

We both instantly went to how we grew up and saw parts we disliked and liked. Some parts of how we would raise our children were so different and neither of us was willing to budge. We both came to the conclusion that WE were not our PARENTS. We have the chance to do how we please with our children and hope that it will be a great turn out like we believe we were.

As different as we were raised ... we have the same values and that is the number one thing that we both agree on with our children. Humble themselves and work hard for the things they want in their future. Take responsibility for your own actions and always remember that no matter what you are family.

Readers, what do you think about being married with children??? How would you or have you handled it???

I Didn't Make the Profile Picture

For those of you that know me know I enjoy celebrating my birthday. I believe it is the best gift God could give me every year. This year I reached a milestone; 25 years of life on this earth. I wanted to go Chicago to celebrate, but ... I received many phone calls about where the party will be and to my dismay I had to pass on the bad news that I decided to stay in California. As many were appalled by my decide to not celebrate on this joyous occasion, I promised that we will have a just because get together once I get back to the Chi.

On my special day I received breakfast in bed and a red velvet cheesecake from the Cheese Cake Factory. I felt special. I was getting numerous phone calls, text, emails, and comments on my families FB pages. I felt the love big time. Then, I access his FB page and noticed that he didn't even show me any love. No status, nor, profile picture.

Its no secret that I'm with the world's most selfish man. But I thought at least I would have received some FB love on my special day. It wasn't until I questioned it that a status immediately went up. I understand that I no longer have a FB page, but I am well kept up to date with whats happening through friends and family. My thing was other people he care for makes his profile, but on my special day I was even a thought.

Mess up right? I know, but oh well you live and you learn. And I'm still doing both.

Back To Me Again

At the beginning of this month I was excited to about our month long theme, 'The Marriage Chronicles'. Well it was going smoothly and I had so much to write about; both positive and negative, then some terrible situations occur and I decide to quit. Yes, I wanted to quit blogging period. I didn't want to air out any dirty laundry, nor defame any one's character (no more than what it may be now) and risk future lawsuits.

On this past Sunday I had an epiphany. I will keep the details to myself, but as my sister and I had decide we can care less about what others think. Our readers miss us and have been yearning for more of The Sister Grenades. Starting today we are back in full effect. You may not get a post five days of the week due to our busy schedules, but you can expect to read something every week.

Thank you, all, for your support and dedication.

I'm Re-Training My Husband

The funniest statement I ever heard a woman in her 50's tell was "I raised my husband and both of my kids, now it's time to do me." When I heard that statement I laughed so hard. It was actually my first time hearing something like that. I thought once a man asked a woman to marry him, he would portray and act as an adult. Yeah, well, I am personally finding out that that is not true.

I am currently teaching my husband everything his mother did not, may have forgot to do, and revising a few things she mislead him on or about. I fault his mother because I witness her brag before a table of approximately ten to fifteen woman on how she encouraged her son to over-spend on material items. Teaching a child to have caviar taste with fishstick money is inappropriate. No, I do not have any children as of yet, but I do believe parents should be realistic about life.

Here is an idea of some of things I had to show him:

• Dirty socks goes into the laundry hamper not under the couch or bed, please do not stick them between, nor, under the couch cushions.
• After washing dishes please dry up all the pools of water your created while doing so.
• Everytime the garbage gets full take it out; I shouldn't have to ask or sometimes tell you repeatly to do so.
• Everytime you get paid, you do not need to go out and buy a new outfit and shoes to match. You already have enough.
• Please do not eat in bed. I already have to sweep up the crumbs behind you in the dining room.
• When doing laundry whites and reds should not be washed together.
• Clean the piss up off the floor after using the bathroom. Please and thank you!!!

Yes, he is an adult age wise, but sometimes I think he believes he's still in high school and other times he's much younger. I am analyzing my situation and believe I have a few more years of teaching to do. In the beginning it was tough, well, hell some days it still is. By the time we're in our thirties I will be able to pat myself on the back and say "job well done" (hopefully) ... lol. Pray for me y'all. Seriously, I really need it. I guess re-training him is preparing me when the time comes to begin rearing our children.

Ladies before saying 'I do', I advise you to do some research on your mates spending habits. Ask questions, especially referencing savings. Go around his family (suck it up even if you do not get along with them) they will tell you everything.

SOUND OFF ... Are you or did you have to raise or re-train your husband/spouse? If so, was it a tedious journey? I would love you hear your story.

My Husband Is Leaving Me

The other day I called off work because I had an erie feeling about something and just could not pinpoint what it could possibly be. I sat in the family room after making myself a small breakfast and the doorbell rings. I answered and there was a gentlemen asking if I was so and so. I replied back yes and he handed me over some papers and stated, "you are being served". Shocked! Yes I was. I was unsure of what it could possibly be for. I hesitated on opening the letter. I thought maybe it's a supenae from a case I worked on in the past. But how could they have my home address.

After about five minutes I finally opened the envelope and damn I could not believe my eyes. It was a divorce summons from our attorney. I just didn't understand why my husband would want to divorce me. He was just lying in bed with me approximately two hours ago. Last night we made love. We recently stop using contraceptives to started planning our family. What could have happened to cause this I asked myself. I guess this is why I had that Erie feeling when I woke up.

After a hour of being in shock. I contacted my husband at his place of work. I started the conversation off nicely and then instantly explained to him what had happened. He told me he didn't know how to tell me. I was trying to keep my cool while he spoke, but I couldn't.

I asked a lot of questions. What did I do wrong? Was it another woman? Was I not the a great mother figure to his daughter? His reply was no none of these are issues. So what could it be? He told me it was something I said a few weeks back about his mother. I was like what, what are you talking about? He said I called his mother a whore and because of that he doesn't want to have anything to do with me.

Really this bastard is putting what I said about his mother over seven years of marriage. To be perfectly honest his mother and I have never gotten along. She's really fake. She tells me one thing when I'm by myself and another when my husband is around.

But to take you back to the conversation we had that is causing him to divorce me. Years ago he told me he doesn't know his father. So a few weeks ago I asked if he can have talk with his mother to see if she can tell him more about their family medical history. We were planning for a children and these are things we need to know. He also need to try and figure out who is his father and how can we find him.

During the conversation he told me there is a possibility that one man his mom used to bring home could be his daddy. He went on about all the different guys she dated and I ask one question. How did you feel seeing various men come in and out your mothers bedroom? He was honest and explained how it hurt him dearly to grow up around that type of environment. I said damn your mom is a promiscuous being. He did take offense to that, but I figured he had gotten over it by the next day. I guess I was wrong.

I want to save my marriage, I am unsure if I can do so. I love my husband, but I don't think our relationship will survive after this. Something I said about another woman, who just so happens to be his mother is about to destroy twelve years of us. All I can do is pray and place this in Gods hand.




Whew okay let's SOUND OFF! ... Ladies how would you react to this crazy situation? Fellas would you have allowed something so small to destroy your marriage? I personally think she will be better off then having to walk on pins and needles to be sure nothing negative is said about his mother.

Compromise

All relationships should possess some form of compromise, whether you're married or not. It is more common in marriages for some individuals to put some (if not all) of their life goals on hold to support their mate. Going back to school, promotions in the work place, getting laid off, and relocating are just a few examples of why some mates may need to hold off on achieving their own goals or dreams. It does not sound easy and in reality it is not, but in actuality this happens far more often than we may know.

I know this personally for myself. My sweetheart is currently serving in the United States military. I am supporting him as he protect and fight for our country and have place some of my goals on hold temporarily.

Compromise is not only used with the few issues stated above. It is also needed in marriages when there are children outside of the relationship are involved. And a thousand other reasons; some may be minuscule and others are more significant. Regardless, having a middle ground can accommodate some difference. Some are left with resentment because they agreed upon something they honestly do not consort with.

I've discovered a few great ways to compromise in a relationship that is going to last until the end of time. ;-) Maybe these can assist you and your relationship.

1. Communication is the key to success. Be verbally open about how you feel about the situation. Do not hold anything in, you will eventually exploded if you do. 
2. Jot down a few pros and cons of the situation. See if both will benefit from it before making a final decision.
3. Set aside your personal attitude, biases and place yourself in your mates shoes. Ask yourself are you disagreeing out of spite? Or are you being selfish?
4. And lastly give it a try. "Nothing beats a try, but a failure." 

 SOUND OFF ... How do you and your spouse reach a compromise? Do you really compromise or are you sacrificing instead?

'Til the End of Time

This past Saturday I went to see Prince in concert over in Inglewood, CA. OMG!, I had the time of my life at his concert. Although, we only got to see the last hour or so of the show it felt as if we were there the entire four hours of his performance. My favorite song besides Purple Rain is Adore and, yes, Prince performed them both back to back. That really made my night!

Prince sang these lyrics, "Until the end of time I'll be there for you..." It reminded me of the deal that's made after you say 'I do'. Marriage is supposed to be until the end of time. Right? Some may ask what is the end of time? I must be honest I once was curious as well as to what it mean. Under the Christianity background it means until death do us part. However, many others have a different definition to as to what the end of time mean. A lot of relationships have been exhausted for a number of reasons including: domestic abuse, adultery/ infidelity, and lack of trust.

Growing up I observed many relationships, most of them were married couples and others may have been long term without the ring or short temporary ones. Only three were successful; two of the three suffered the lost of the beloved husbands and one is still going strong. That couple just so happen to be my parents. They been together since I was three months old and I will be 25 two weeks from this upcoming Sunday. The other two are my grandparents. Although, my grandmothers suffered such great losses they showed me that couples can survive until the end of time. Through it all they fought for their relationship and stuck it out, even when times were rough. My grandparents have shown me that I too can survive my relationship until the end of time.

In my relationship very often my sweetheart tell me how much he admire the relationship my parents have. Although, he does not know their story, he believes that they are the perfect example of how a marriage can and should be. I, too, can say the same thing. I am one out of a very few that can say my parents are STILL TOGETHER. They are also showing me and many others who may look up to them that can adore their mate and live by Prince's lyrics.

Many times you may want to give up, but I believe until God provides you some sign there is no need to leave. All you have to do is be silent and listen to what he has to say. Work it out! As my mommy would say "research the marriage vows you took before you decide to up and leave." When you stood before God and man you vowed "until the end of time, I give you my heart, I give my mind, I give my body, I give you my time." Through sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer I will be there until the end of time.