I have had this child since he was 2 months old and he is soon to turn two years old. He lights up my day and he is one of the loves of my life. But he is NOT mine and I HATE IT!
My intentions when he was still in his mothers womb was to take care of my own child on the way and someone else would have to care for him. Then I lost my child and I didn't think I was capable of caring for someone else child so I still did not want to care for him. Then I received a call from a case worker asking if I wanted to take care of him. I spoke with my husband and after a long time thinking ... we decided to get him and raise him until his mother handled her business to get him back. She never did.
Yes that is my nephew not my son. And yes, I know many reading are saying "No, Bianca. That's your son" ... but in all actuality it is not and up until a month ago I was living in fear that he would eventually be taken from me and given back to the woman who gave birth to him. Every time his case worker called my heart would get heavy thinking she was telling me that it was time to give him back.
Although I never got that call ... only someone who cared for him the way I have can be as scared as I was. That little boy filled a hole in me that I thought would never be filled and I have done everything I could to make sure that he was in a safe environment and well taken care of.
Getting up in the middle of the night to make his bottles, teaching him to hold them, holding him when he cries and when he's going through withdrawals, kissing his toe when he stubs it and his head when he bumps it, teaching him to crawl, hearing his first words, crying with him after his shots, falling to sleep cuddled up together, teaching him to crawl then walk, showing him that touching the sockets are not good, watching him all night his first night sleeping in his "big boy" bed, getting his kisses everyday and his hugs every night, taking up for him when I know he did something wrong, nearly crying at him saying his colors ... and having a tad bit of heart break when I'm brought back to reality his first time calling me "TT".
The name "TT" depicts the person I am SUPPOSED to be in his life ... the one who gets him on weekends and send him back home. Buys him something for his birthday and Christmas. Instead I am his only Mother FIGURE and I recognize that later in life ... I will be proud of raising another woman's child because EMOTIONALLY ... he is MINE.
2 comments:
Having a child doesn't make you a mother but Bubbles what you are is a mother. You give him everything he needs and you need to decide on what you want to be called. Both names carry a great value but a mother is more than a name its who you are.
Cousin Grenade....lol OAN i think you are doing a great job! FROM what i seen thats your son! When he gets older he would say Bianca was my moma Lamar was my daddy and Honey plus the other four was my sisters....If his.mother decides to take him away Courthouse
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